Hello I am reaching out, like the rest of you I need commonality and support. I have been married for 14 years and with my husband for 16. When I first met him he was very into “tin foil hat” conspiracies but I never took it seriously. We made a choice to move off grid for 5 years and during that time things got a whole lot worse. He ended up having a mental break and was finally diagnosed. The issue I had at that time is I know my husband, he is thoughtful and smart and can usually see future out comes (like he can break down what possibly will happen in most situations). After that first break, it took about 4 months until I started to see someone who resembled my partner come back. We moved closer to his family which he essentially had removed himself from and he started meds. Meds made him tired all the time, and just a shell of him. This caused me to feel tired, rejected and resentful and then I feel like a horrible person for being so selfish that I am thinking about how I feel… and what I want.
Over the past 3 years of living in a small town, unfortunately it is riddled with mental illness that goes untreated (I work in health care and see it first hand). We had neighbours move in our rented duplex who were both unstable and untreated mentally ill people who started to hyper focus on myself and our son. This was very triggering to my husband as he never felt we were safe. The neighbours ended up plotting to kill us due to having a Buddhist lawn ornament stating we were satanists. Unfortunately, it is not a crime to be unmediated and unstable and until they are in action police will not act. My husband lessened his drugs to be more alert and this effected a bunch of things, he quit his job one day spontaneously right before December… (we need 2 incomes) and told me to have faith (he does not believe in faith)… I should have took this as warning signs but so much crazy crap was happening around me I didn’t see it for what it was. December he started drinking to mellow out I assume… but this was not a good choice. He also started smoking weed chronically as it became legal.
3 weeks ago he had another break. He kept thinking our neighbours were going to come in and kill us or what not and he felt the only logical answer as the police would not help was to kill the neighbours. He self admitted himself to the hospital for a week. When he got out the condition was that he lives with his parents as then there isn’t a constant trigger (our neighbours). I found a new house to rent but being on 1 income I cant take possession until Feb 15th. When he was in the hospital I had no communication with him, his choice. When he got out he told me he no longer loves me, and wants a divorce… this blew my mind as well as everyone else that knows us. Last week he told his mother we are better as a couple and everything is fine (news to me). He is still not stable, dark circles under his eyes, pacing, withdrawn. Yesterday I came home from work and noticed that my computer monitor was gone… I freaked out thinking it was stolen and someone had been in the house. He told me that he saw one in the back of the car… and proceeded to retrieve it from the back of the car. I asked our son if he put it in there… he did not. So I know it was my husband but he refused to admit that he took it and told me to drop it.
I just feel very stressed that everything is Topsy turvey, I can make no rational sense of things and I don’t know how to balance being supportive and not being selfish and thinking about how I feel as I know he didn’t ask for this. My family thinks that this is “made up” and his family enables him to do whatever he needs to do, believing that is supportive. I don’t know how to stand still has everything spirals … any advice?