Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Scared and wonder what to do


#1

In general I dont feel someone with this illness is dangerous, but then why are there so many people like myself who feel I have to lock my doors, lock my bedroom door, lock my money up, and watch where ever I go. Is it because I’m the parent and the sz has more anger against them. I really want and working on a plan to disappear, but the other side of me feels sad and what do I do?


#2

@Stone - I think it’s a safety/trust issue. I didn’t think my son would harm me but to be safe I locked my doors, always had my keys (I didn’t want him taking my car) with me etc. I think your step son is a wild card - you just don’t know what he may do. Which goes for many of those with a MI. Are you thinking of disappearing and leaving your husband due to his son? I can’t recall if your step son has been on meds…


#3

@ stone I sometimes feel fear even when everything is quiet. And more than a few times I wanted to just pack up my car and leave. I could survive alone, but my husband and daughter could not. It is hard not to worry that something out of control might happen.


#4

I have thought of leaving my husband, but that isnt the answer and I wont because I love him and feel he is a good man. My stepson was on meds about 7 years ago. He stayed with his mom for about 3 years and she has sz too. He quit taking his meds while with her and she couldnt deal with him anymore and put him on a plane and viola’. What shock that was.

I have watched him go downhill and the stress has affected my health and gone downhill as well. I finally said no more and my husband understands. Its hard to put into words how hard it is to watch someone with this mental illness. Many people judge us which hurts because they have no idea.

Recently, my stepsons older brother has taken on the responsibility of helping his sz brother. He now tells me he knows what we were going through and so sorry he was ever so negative about us.

My stepson took money from us, went through all our personal stuff, rack up our cable bill watching porn, called the police on us because we wanted him to smoke outside, started putting his cigs out on the house and I could go on and on. He was diagnosed 10 years ago through the courts. We have tried everything but can’t get him help because he is an adult (he is 32) and doesnt want help.

My husband and I are moving in a few months and are not letting him know where. I dont think its right that we have to lock our bedroom door and live in fear from him. He is not a danger to anyone else, just us for not fixing his brain. I am sorry this sounds cold, mean, and puts a burden on society. I dont know of a solution either.

I admire all of you. This site has been a blessing and reading all the responces has helped so much. Maybe I would feel differently if I was younger, Im retired now and trying to hang on to my life now. Looking back so many things I wish I could have done differently. I loved the stepson, and now being selfish and thinking of myself.


#5

You DON’T sound cold at all and I completely understand the need for a move without letting him know where. I hope others that know him do not tell him of your new location.

Every situation of mental illness is different and unique. Sometimes it is very much like swimming out to a drowning person you are trying to save. With that heroic effort…sometimes you have to let the individual drown or they might drown you along with them. Sounds cruel but it’s not…not everyone can be saved from the tragic disease of mental illness. The laws in the United States make it more than difficult to save/help our loved ones.


#6

I agree you don’t sound mean etc. I can see myself in your situation in the future. Dealing with someone who is out of control is very trying and scary. I hope you have found a nice place for the next move.