Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Scared it will always be like this


#1

I have been with my boyfriend, who has been diagnosed for the last 10 years - since he was 19, for 10 months and back in August he ‘broke up’ with me for two days because he was certain I was cheating on him. After those two days he called me and acted like nothing had happened. Tonight it happened again. I know he really loves me and this is paranoia and his symptoms, but will I always have to anticipate these kind of horrible accusations and worry about this kind of problems? Does anyone else have this happen to them? How do you fight against the paranoia and delusion?


#2

I’m sorry you have so much uncertainty. How much he will improve with such things depends on so many factors. Does he get treatment?


#3

Yes, he is on Invega injection and cogentin and geodon and it helps but it’s obviously not working as well as it was months ago


#4

My daughter has been stable for a year-she was very sick for a year. In this last year’s time I know that she has made steady improvement. However, I know that statistically speaking many with sz have another episode, body chemistry can change and meds which are working can stop working. Maybe it won’t happen-or maybe it won’t happen very often-but I always know it’s a possibility. I have to learn how to deal with that, and accept it and still recognize what is good and be grateful for the positive.

Is he in counseling? Are you? Does he have coping strategies for dealing with paranoia and delusions? I know this is one of the things my daughter has learned. She can reality check the voices and intrusive thoughts she has, and if necessary I can gently help her do this. It does not help to argue about the delusions, it tends to solidify them more, plus make someone angry and less trustful. Then again,if you agree with them it makes them stronger too. It’s best to find a way to stay neutral,and I know how hard that is. But I often say, "it must feel really (fill in feeling) to feel like I (fill in delusion). When my daughter would accuse me of not believing her, I’d say “It doesn’t matter what I think, I know you think it’s true and that’s all that matters to me.” Something like that. That’s what I do. It wouldn’t get rid of the delusion at that moment, but it would usually defuse the strong emotions.


#5

Thank you. He is not in counseling and I doubt he would go. I been thinking about going myself but he would probably accuse me of cheating if I did go. I know he believes it’s true. I try to not fight with him but I can’t stand for him to think I would do something so vulgar as to cheat on him. Right now I’m trying to give him a little space and will occasionally send him a text or leave a voicemail letting him know I love him and miss him and that it’s not true. Last time when I did that, it worked to get him to think more clearly but the delusions remain, like a memory, so I’m not sure if he will ever be able to separate fact from delusion and let go of his thoughts that I have cheated


#6

Does his paranoia start to act up more just before he needs his next Invega injection? If so it may be that the injection is not staying in his system long enough and he may need oral medication for a short period between shots.

I wish I could tell you that with the right treatment this will never happen again but I don’t think anyone can give you that assurance.


#7

The first time it happened he was overdue for his injection by a week, but this time, he supposedly got his injection on the 12th and he gets the shot every two weeks so he’s toward the end of the cycle on his injection. His mom is going to contact the treatment team tomorrow and confirm he is getting his injection. He is really stressed right now though and he’s having a hard time sleeping which I know can make his symptoms worse.

I just wish I could find a good balance on how to handle and react when he does this kind of stuff so we don’t get to the point where he decides ‘we’re through.’


#8

I don’t know if I have posted this for you before or not. It may help these discussion not become full blown arguments.

http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.

http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos


#9

I’ve had a SZ partner in the past and one of my biggest mistakes was not seeking counselling services for myself; I was young and could have really used an hour or so a week to talk about me and my issues. Regardless of how he might feel about you getting some help for yourself - it’s not his place to prevent you from doing so.

It’s very difficult maintaining a relationship with someone who has SZ (or any mental illness) if you’re declining yourself. Just because you know the SZ is causing the paranoia doesn’t make it much easier, especially when you’re at the receiving end of accusations.


#10

I thought I read in another post of yours that he just started back on meds? If so, it takes a while for it to start working well. He may need a few more until he is more stable. You cant control what he is doing, but you can seek help for yourself.
What Ive been doing lately with my son ( thanks to the support from some people here ) is just hang up, or walk away if he starts verbally attacking you. If he breaks up with you while hes in this state of mind–he will probably call you back at some point.
This is very hard, and emotionally a roller coaster ride.
I hope this helps…good luck**


#11

The very next day he called me and we had a long talk about everything. We are not breaking up but we are taking a step back. I’m going to live with my parents for now and I have finally learned that when he gets in one of those moods where his mind is spinning, I need to just walk away and have boundaries that I stick to.

I work as a marketer for a health care company and I have to be in meetings and traveling around the local county are a lot for work and today, he called my cell and started to piece together things to make accusations that I was really just cheating instead of working and I cut it off and firmly and lovingly let him know this isn’t okay, and that actually helped him refocus. I know it won’t always work that easily but at least he and I both have some clarity and insight in ways to manage it when these episodes happen and will hopefully continue to build off that.


#12

Ya know, people without mental illness also accuse their partners of cheating, and not always with any evidence. Why is it that you people always blame this on the mental illness?

This happens with normal people all the time and has nothing to do with schizophrenia.


#13

Mentally ill people are more prone to sudden changes in behavior. Their erratic behavior is one of the things that gets them hospitalized and put on med’s.


#14

From my experience yes it’s how it will always be I have a partner who does the same thing at times, just enjoy the times when everything is going well and when things go down hill remember the good times and let it run its course it’s all you can do really it won’t last forever it’s just an emotional roller coaster till then