I’ve visited this site many times over the years, but this is my first post. My brother was first diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 2008. He would do pretty well while on meds, but is typically non-compliant. He’s been forcibly admitted several times, in trouble with the police, loses jobs, etc. He insists he’s “not sick”. I help him as much as possible, but it’s hard to do from across the country. I’m in NC. Brother is in CA. I go out to CA fairly often for work, and help him when/if I can track him down. I’ve tried to coordinate with hospitals, doctors, etc, but brother will not cooperate.
Brother has been homeless for the past couple years, living in his car in San Diego. I send him money and get him food when I can. Our mother lives in Oregon, but brother hates/fears her. He says he wants to move to NC and live with me, but his delusions can be quite frightening, usually including conspiracies about time-travel, FBI. CIA, clones, and being sexually assaulted. A couple times he was forcibly admitted was because he threatened to kill someone. Another was when he attempted suicide.
I have a wife and two kids. I don’t want my brother living here. He wants to. I dunno what to do.
I told brother that maybe he could come to NC if I found him a cheap place to live and a job. Not sure how I’d accomplish this. But mainly, I want him to have regular treatment for his illness. He insists that he is not sick. He’s not acting as offended by my mental health concerns lately, mostly because he doesn’t want to alienate me as a potential place to live.
This is very frustrating, as I’m sure most people reading this can relate.
Its a tough one , but if you can manage a small apartment near you to live that would be better or perhaps you could call Mental health services in NC and get some advice . I managed to get an apartment for my son and a room mate with him that is 5 min from my house and it works great . Is he med compliant ? if not you could ask him he could move in Only if he’s med compliant and that should subside most of his delusions but he would need to start before he comes to you . just some thoughts , hope that helps
Thanks Linda. My brother is NOT med compliant, and does not think he is schizophrenic. I told him before, that in order for me to help him like this, he’d need to get back on treatment. He hung up with me and it took me a year to track him down again.
Your brother has Anosognosia which means having no insight of his condition , many people suffering from schizophrenia including my son has no insight of their illness and thats part of the illness . My son is med complaint because he was court ordered back then and now still complying because if he doesnt he will get his drivers licence taken away . Your brother wants to live with you , you need to tell him on one condition that he takes meds and sees a doctor . i know its easy to write this and he may flip out and curse but you will be surprised how many have done this and their loved ones agreed . Do not mention schizophrenia , it will upset him . Tell him that you love him and want him to come but he needs to listen to his doctor and take meds. Also read ''im not sick i doort need help ‘’ xavier amador , it will really help you understand his condition , it helped me a lot . hang in there , one day at a time .
You are in a difficult situation. I understand because my non-compliant husband has tried to live where I am living (we moved from CA so I could help a relative) but I was not able to support him. He grew up in and feels more comfortable in CA, so that is where he is. Even though he is homeless, he is doing OK, as far as I know.
Does your brother have anything good to say about CA? I would encourage him to find services, any kind that would be helpful, and to stay in CA. Being non-compliant, he will have a very difficult time in NC and if he has never lived there, he will probably have trouble making contacts, talking with people, and then you will be his only friend and he will be completely dependent on you.
The best you can do is to stay in contact with him, encourage him to make his life better (without talking about mental health) and send him money if it seems that he truly needs it. San Diego is not a bad place to be compared with NC. It is warmer and CA, in general, has more help for homeless folks than some other states (not sure about NC).
From experience, I would urge you to do your best to help and encourage him from afar, talk with him frequently and don’t bring him to NC, where you would feel obligated to do more for him and that would affect your family life. I know it might sound harsh for some, but loving kindness and support from afar can be the best for both parties involved in some instances.
Like stated above, and if you can afford it, apartment, trailer, or buy him a house at least 20 miles away from you as he will destroy your family in your home…
My oldest daughter works with the mentally ill and my youngest daughter has SZ. There is no way my oldest would ever consider having her sister live there with young children and the non compliance and activities of SZ. If you were an empty nester then I would say to bring him over. I had my SZ daughter for 5 years and she is finally doing pretty good, only bc of a homeopathic prescribed by Dr. K.S. Gopi. You can find him on LinkedIn. I don’t know what I would have done if I had a young family though. This disease really tears families apart and my husband left shortly after my daughter with SZ moved in. I would say not to have him live with you. Kicking him out for non compliance is something children would not understand. If he agreed to conservatorship, then you have something to work with, disability funds and directing a place for him to live that is safe.
My husband hears voices that he swears are real. Instead of disagreeing and telling him there are no such voices, I tell him that perhaps a professional can help quiet the voices so they are not so tormenting. Finally, I have convinced him to get help. Maybe you can think of something similar to get through to your brother.
But even with that being said, I think it is fair to say that your family’s life will change drastically if you allow your brother to move in with you. I’m no expert, but I would suggest that you be emotionally and financially supportive, convince him to get help, and generally try to get him on his feet to help him live a reasonable life.
My daughter only takes meds from Dr. Gopi. She said it makes her feel more normal than anything else she ever took. Hylands brand doesn’t work though. We tried NuAge and that worked perfect.
Honestly, it is such a shame as obviously you care about your brother, but I would not allow your brother to move in with you.
It sounds like he may never be med compliant, and active psychosis will probably destroy your home life if you allow him into your home. My daughter’s years of active psychosis, losing job after job, coupled with paranoia about my husband, almost destroyed me and my marriage. I was saved by a miracle literally: an arrest, a judge who ordered she go on meds, a forced hospitalization with the end result that she was on a long acting anti-psychotic injection, and now, 10 months of relative sanity and a new normal.
You cannot allow psychosis into your home without endangering your own well being and that of your family. If you can afford to support your brother in his own apartment, I would simply pay for a place for him to live where he is now.
This is my opinion only, and may not be right for you. I wish you luck sorting this out.
Linda I think it’s too much to have you brother move in or even live close to your family. Unless he is under meds, it will be too much responsibility and even dangerous for your family.
My son is also med-compliant mostly because he knows it is a condition for him staying in the housing that I provide for him - though I do think that the longer he is med compliant he has some increase of insight into his illness.
We can only do so much. In your situation, personally, I would definitely make med compliance a condition, and stick to it. He may not like it, but if he really wants to get assistance from you, then he will eventually accept it.
Just a little side note - in addition to housing, I have set up small daily transfers into his checking account. These depend on his continued compliance and reasonable behavior. It is a little daily reminder to stay on track. And if a single day goes bad, and I cancel a transfer, he knows he has another chance the next day.
I think this is a genius idea. It’s similar to something they call a watchdog timer for leased hardware or software licensing systems, but in reverse. Those systems periodically check to see if recurring payments are made, and if not the system shuts down.
Per the brother moving in, I would only do it with strong conditions applied, even then very reluctantly. I would make him sign a lease with conditions in writing even if no or minimal money is exchanged, as it may help you with additional legal standing if you need him to leave.
Thanks Jan- I visit him when I can, and send him money. He usually would meet me, since he didn’t want me to know where he lives. I’ve come close to getting him to a hospital or doctor. He’s never done so voluntarily, but has been forcibly admitted by the police several times.
Very helpful insight. I was THIS close to getting my brother the anti-psychotic injection treatments through UCLA, but he disappeared on us. Glad your daughter is doing well.