I also think some things are due impulse control-anxiety issues…
t is admirable how much you care for your son…
but life even with an illness is a two way street.
you have to lay down rules;
- respect at all times.
- if he is in an odd mood , he has to have the self dicipline not to ring you or dump it on you.
- tell him you have a life, you still love him, but you won’t be at his beck and call.
- write him a point form letter ( not to wordy…he is a guy and a sz ) stating you love him unconditionally, you only want the best for him, and you recommend he does the following for his own health…i.e meds etc.
you have to let go, he knows what he should do, what he needs to do.
he maybe mentally ill but that is no excuse for continued bad behaviour.
basically he needs to grow up.
take care
This is probably the best advice I ever received!
I am trying to do this myself now. Im afraid I was like your wife in a lot of ways. Its very hard as a mom.
I`m working on it!!!
Thanks Mr. Sith!!!
I haven’t been on this site in forever. My daughter has been on her meds for 4 yrs now. She is 31. She lives with me. Lack of boundaries, she has no real concept of what they are and this is making me exhausted. She is like a teenager always self-focused, and no one understands what she has been through or where she “thinks” she wants to go. This morning she woke up with a great idea. Per her logic, great ideas need fueling by a beer or two to capture her creative energy (it is 10 AM). We argued about it. I took a walk. When I got home she was on to another idea, a great video game idea. I listened for hours about this idea with no sense of when the conversations should be over she went on and on.
Peace and quiet no longer exist in my home. She dominates everything because of her illness, and she is one of the success stories. I don’t want to be a Debbie downer but when you live with a schizophrenic you have to accept there is no such thing as boundaries. I have set them. But the only way to really get my daughter to snap out of her selfishness is to state I am moving out of our rental and she has X amount of days to figure out where she is going. Like a teenager, she attempts to be less selfish but her mind will not allow that for very long. I know as her mom if I did not care for her she would be back in the streets off her meds and on drugs in less than a week. She is a schizophrenic and always in her head. It is the disease. God bless anyone who takes on the role of caregiver. It is like a slow death.
3 Likes
I have more questions than answers because I don’t even know if I should expect someone with a mental illness like esquizofrenia to actually behave like a normal individual! I sometimes ask my son when he shops in the supermarket not to buy a lot of stuff because our fridge is almost full! He goes and buy more than I expected and now our fridge is about to explode! This drives me crazy! 
1 Like
So true. Can be very frustrating.
I’ve leaned to set my expectations at the right level to accept the illness. Celebrating the little victories. Like drawstring awareness….
Welcome to our forum!!
2 Likes
Thank you! I am glad to have found this group! 
I literally just came upon this site and what you and others wrote, gave me such peace. Thanks!
Great suggestions. I’d make sure to let him know that you will monitor the shower gel situation tonight, but would appreciate it if he takes on that responsibility subsequently. And make sure to let him know you are confident he can do it.
If you haven’t already, check out the LEAP method: https://leapinstitute.org
Man, I just read through this thread and I feel like I’m finally reading relatable stories regarding living with a schizophrenic. My brother is 34 on meds, smokes pot and tobacco through a pot pipe drinks steel reserve and is the greatest nuisance the world has ever seen. My parents are in a tough spot with a myriad of things and it’s painful to bear witness to the constant and chronic horror that has been my family.
Boundaries don’t exist, he wakes my parents up at all hours of the night without regard for anything or anyone, my dad could have an early mri or ct scan, my mom could have a doctors appointment, his only priority is himself, always has been. When he knocks,it’s not a light fingernail tapping softly to stir my parents awake, it’s a hurried, panicked banging noise like that of a firefighter clearing a burning building. The exaggeration is an accurate depiction of this reoccurring phenomenon. And I’m sure anyone in a similar situation can imagine and relate to the self centered drama that is the life of a schizophrenic, on average it’s probably thirty to sometimes sixty knocks in quick succession. It fills me with unparalleled rage and overwhelming disgust every time he does this, and he does this 24/7, day or night. Prior to the knocking he used to barge into their room any and all hours of the day where he plundered my fathers and mothers medication to his hearts content. We had to take him to the hospital as recently as last month for an accidental overdose from medication he stole from me, “trying to get high” is something he does with any and everything, we have to monitor the coffee or he drinks it all in under two hours, he can’t have his own tobacco so it’s doled out to him, they have to hide the vitamins or else he takes all the vitamins in one sitting and same with all OTC drugs. Hes the parasite that’s ruining every day, every waking moment is spent with us and it’s ruining everyone’s life and it always has, the best time is when he is gone and it’s just the way it is. He’s chronically selfish and it’s not just the schizophrenia, I know this because he was this way as a child which is when he was “normal”.he would read my diaries, steal money from my piggy bank and was generally self serving and disrespectful, he was never a helper, never got gifts for people, never cleaned up after himself, he’s a black hole. It took me moving back into my parent’s house for his barging into their room to temporarily stop because I put a lock on their door. And why they never splurged for a lock before beats me but I was happy to do it and it improved their life in a material way, but now he knocks and bangs on their door and is weaseling his way into their room whenever either of them forgets to lock it or if they just need to use the bathroom and don’t want to lock it because it is a hassle, he’s in there lickedy split. As a result I constantly run interference and I am pretty good at being diplomatic with him. The manipulation goes into full swing and he uses the slightest tinge of annoyance in my voice as an excuse to cry wolf and only wake my mom or dad up by screaming and yelling word salad about “stop the abuse” or “discrimination” which they see thru but in their endless marathon to infantalize my brother, it only negates all the interference I’ve run and the house of card collapses in on itself, and then I hate not just him but EVERYONE lol. At which point I fully give up running interference and after the thing peter wanted is gone he gets back to his favorite past time, knocking on their door, only this time I stop myself from extinguishing the pest and let them deal with it until the clock strikes midnight and erases my operating system and we do it all over again. they’ve always been permissive which has some upsides but ultimately I feel permissiveness is the default substitute in some people when they’re unable to provide or are deficient in another quality (I.e. boundaries, tenacity, fortitude, wisdom, foresight, etc.) and consequently many suffer at its doorstep.
I need advice and a therapist lol. Thanks for letting me post this here, whether anyone responds it feels good to get something written down, to articulate the insanity of it all and feel a little better knowing while it may be futile, it is real and I’d much rather suffer the insufferable futility of the situation than be lost in the unreality of my imagination.
Please excuse any punctuation/formatting errors, I’m typing this on an iPad which is like typing on an oversized cell phone, the keyboard broke and it’s all I have to type on unfortunately. Anyone know where to buy a good cheap laptop? I’m always discouraged from buying a crummy $100 one when I feel like I could get a refurbished one for a little bit more and my indecisiveness leads me severely handicapped, this isn’t the forum, but since I’ve typed this much out, which I never do, I figured I might as well express this as well 
thanks guys!!
empathetically with emphasis,
Emily
I can relate to almost everything everyone posted. There were some simplistic “get a job, grow up” comments I understood because I certainly feel that sentiment but it’s the stuff not worth writing in a post because it’s inherently ignorant and lacking serious insight to this disease so I found that a little silly and ill informed, but I totally am right there with you! If only it were that simple/easy, but alas it isn’t. I feel those are the stances many homeless people have been at the mercy of which isn’t and shouldn’t be the goal either. Maximum damage to the individuals or maximum damage to the individuals sz and the community, seems those are kinda the options unfortunately. If I was rich I would ship his happy ass off to the Netherlands, or Norway or some Scandinavian place wherein special semi independent housing for the mentally ill exists, they live amongst other mentally ill adults, are given medication and have a wonderful coexistence with maximum structure and maximum support, the push up bra for the mentally ill, if you will, a schizophrenic wonderland with buddy systems and boundaries. To winning the lottery!
2 Likes
I’m glad you found this space !!!
Just reading your story I would like to take a nap now the emotional exhaustion we have felt it .
Some of your story really resonates my sibling would go in and jump up and down on my dad’s bed to wake him .
In and out of his room all hours of the night .
My parents always tried to keep the peace not that they didn’t try other avenues they just never worked so it became a game of keeping the peace as I’m sure you know that doesn’t work either.
I hope you can catch some breaks !
btw PCsforpeople.com is a great place for refurbished PCs
1 Like
Thank you!!! Often times it’s the last thing I want to think about when I’m escaping into the many worlds I visit online, but this morning like all mornings, an episode ensued and I just needed some kind of guidance today and I’m so happy I found this space! It’s nice to read things about other people’s lives that mirror the insanity of mine, and who understand the very real, very crazy reality we occupy being the chosen ones to live alongside those with schizophrenia
Thanks for the laptop recommendation. Think I have carpal tunnel now… lol
Emily
2 Likes
My brother Billy had zero respect for boundaries. I was always pushing back and he was relentless in violating them. He felt entitled, plain and simple. Everything I asked him to stop doing was met by the same retort- “But I’m your brother” - as if being my brother meant he had a free pass to abuse me and thoroughly disrespect me.
He would come over to my house unannounced- I had to be ready for him, not surprised- and bang on the door and rattle it until I answered it; then he would shove me aside and almost push me down the steps if I wasn’t wary. “Don’t bang on my door like that Bill” “But I’m your brother.” He would call my home phone all day long while I was at work, and fill my answering machine so I could not receive other messages. He did this every day for at least 15 years and I asked him to stop every day. “But I’m your brother.” “But Bill, what if I miss another message?” “So what, I’m your brother.” He would call all night long. “Bill, I need to sleep so I can go to work in the morning.” “I forgot.” Then he’d call five minutes later, 15 minutes later, etc.
I could go on, but other people’s boundaries didn’t exist for Billy. But don’t ever test his boundaries!
He was a grown man with the emotional maturity of a three year old. That is every bit as ugly as it sounds.
1 Like
What a scary combination, a grown man with the maturity of a toddler. My son has the maturity of a 12 year old, on a good day. Hahahs