Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Should a schizophrenic woman have a child?


#1

CloudDog10m 1
Should a schizophrenic woman have a child?
Im 40, 8 yrs out of hospital, non smoker, non addict, happily married, togethqer 7 years
Is it just a bad idea all round
Ive been exrermely unwell in the past and long term and my sister screams at me if i suggest having a baby she says how could you expect mum to take care of it and youd be in hospital?..s
What is the truth?
My new friend who has only seen me stable thinks id love it
Im so broody
My husband is asexual has climaxed only in his sleep in his life
Our sex went on for 4 yrs but weve stopped
We are both mildly autistic


#2

Not a good idea at this juncture, both individually and collectively.

Just me opinion really. Take it with a boulder of salt, no wait, i mean a grain of dust, no that isn’t it either, what am i thinking i know this one. It isn’t mountain, thats to big.

Ill get it eventually. Anyway back to your question.

I would say nope. But then again not alot of people should be having children and it sickens me how people can just do that on a whim because they think they’d enjoy it. I find reproduction to be quite serious and yes you are putting your children through hell and there better be a good reason if you are doing something like that.

I had no idea at first either, they were saying “i want a child” as in how they say “i want a nice car” or “i want a new wardrobe”. Just sickening really.

Im rambling, sorry.

Grain of salt! That was it! I was way off!


#3

I wouldn’t say that NO schizophrenic women should have a child. But to make the decision would take a lot of soul-searching and self-examination.


#4

You could always adopt. I would suggest maybe babysitting someone else’s kid for at least a month every day as long as you can. I thought I might be able to be a teacher until I did field work for my education major. They were all pretty good kids. Apparently I just do not like kids. At all.

Something else to think about is adopting an older child. Maybe four to seven years old. Lots of them have gone through a lot of crud in their life because of abuse. If I were to ever have a kid this is what I would do. They are old enough to say- yes I want you to be my mother. Also, if they have depression or even childhood sz or sza you could really help him or her I think. I also think that an older child would be better off with a loving family even if their mother has major mental illness. They would be safe, well fed, and loved now. So it would be a major step up. However if you do choose to adopt a child with a mental illness or just adopt one period you would be helping the mental illness problem rather than maybe passing on those genes. But if you and/or your husband were just not meant to be parents life would start sucking or start sucking worse for everyone involved.

From what I have heard there is a waiting list for adopting infants. But older children have a harder time getting adopted.

But no matter what I would suggest that you spend a lot of time around/dealing with children before you decide to give birth or adopt one. I have read about people on the internet while looking for an ausburgers/autism support group for some research and although I haven’t found one I have found women who were very frustrated (I can’t think of a better word) because the had kids with their autistic husband (the ones I read were usually women with an autistic husband). Their spouse had such a mild case that they never got diagnosed but the noise and other stuff that children naturally do had caused their husband to shut inside himself because it was just too much for him. Maybe you could become a foster parent first?

Disclaimer: I know nothing about children. Absolutely nothing.


#5

Thanks onceapoet, and to everyone who replied…
i am finding that it’s a passing broody feeling… I think if i was meant to have a child i would already have had one.

I’m just a woman who doesn’t want a child which feels like a paradox sometimes


#6

I’m 50 years old, married, no kids.
I’m grateful that I never got pregnant, because I just don’t think I could care for the daily demands of a child.
That being said, I have no business bringing a child into this world that I could not capably care for, that isn’t fair to the child.
I love children, and have babysat (successfully), not just occasionally, but daily, for over 8 years.
I have always replied to those who are rather nasty to me about why I don’t have any children, as I love kids to much to have them.
That don’t mean I don’t help raise others kids, either neices and nephews, neighbors kids or friends of friends kids when the parents are in need of some peace and quiet, help in buying school supplies, or just the recipients of my overstock of toys when they have little.
Kids need a strong, solid parent that will do what’s best for the child to the best of their ability, and preferably 2parents in a hoousehold.
No one is perfect, but you have to be willing to sacrifice what you want (and sometimes need) for the welbeing of your child. If you can’t, won’t or aren’t able, then opt out of being a parent.
Once they are born, you can’t give them back, and sure didn’t ask to be born, so error on the side of caution, and don’t have them until you are so sure about it that you don’t question it.


#7

absolutely agree Csummers…
nicely put


#8

I’m just like that. I plan to get sterilized because sometimes I look at all those funny parents and child texts and I think that it would be fun and cute to have a kid to joke with. Sometimes I even think of baby names and how I would raise them. And then I see a child- infant to teen, and I just cringe. I know that having a child would be an extremely bad choice for me. Not only in how I would react to them but how they would react to me. What if I had a kid that was normal? How would we explain to them what’s wrong with Mommy? What if I had a kid like me? Would I be in any state that I could take care of him or her consistently? What if the meds hurt them? How do I know they are completely safe? Is anything completely safe? What if I can’t function with those meds?

I hate kids. But sometimes I think about fun things like what sort of books I would introduce them too. But it is just a bad idea and sterilization would remove any impulse to do something dumb. It would also greatly reduce the chances of an accident.


#9

My answer to the OP question would be, “it depends”–like the rest of the population.

There is a woman in the Group Therapy that I used to go to who has schizophrenia and has plans to have another child. In her case, she is currently financially stable, more or less mentally stable, and already has a child. I won’t go into details about her, but yes, I think another child for her would not be a problem.

To give another story, I had a former coworker who was in her 60s, no mental illness, and never had a child. It just wasn’t for her and she was happy with her decision.

In your case, you’ll probably have to ask yourself many questions and honestly answer them…Are you and will you be financial stable enough?..Will you be mentally stable enough?..Will you be a good mother?..Will your husband be a good father?..

You might also need to think about your age. This is not to discourage or encourage you, but women tend to become less fertile after the age of 40.

Good luck,

MadHatter


#10

As a woman married to a sz person, I have struggled with this a lot. Many of the young women I know are starting to get pregnant and throw baby showers and all, but I’m just not sure if we could cope with a child.

As a caretaker, you have to look at the fact that you will have to care for a sz adult and a baby, effectively making you a single parent. The only problem is, you have one person who is a kid who needs care, and one person who can use credit cards and drive, who sometimes needs the same amount of care. You kind of have to be prepared to go it alone.

Soooo… Maybe as harsh as this sounds, the decision to have a baby should be left up to the caretaker, as the burden is heavier on them?


#11

Hi - this has been a topic of conversation before - I recommend you check the other discussions out:

And some news on how to prevent schizophrenia in babies during pregnancy:


#12

Here’s the answer in a short word.

No.


#13

So hard to say!

My mom is schizophrenic. She couldn’t raise me. She is very sad about that, and I am very sad not to know her before she was sick, and to know she couldn’t have raised me even if she had tried.

Am I happy I was born? Even though my brother is schizoaffective and I am a partial caregiver for him and my mom? Yes!


#14

She must have really wanted you both.
Even if she couldn’t raise you and your brother, that doesn’t mean she isn’t a good mom.
It isn’t up to anyone else to make the decision for a woman to have, or not have a child. One can only try to influence their decision if they are trying to decide. Hint, if you have to ask, the answer is probably a “no”


#15

Thanks for all your replies, i’ve gone past the broody moment again, but i get carried away with it sometimes


#16

@Ping

I am 29 and my long term boyfriend has just been diagnosed.
When I think about the decision to continue this relationship after what happened (his episode was extremely violent towards himself and he vocalized intent to hurt me as well) the thing i keep coming back to is the concept of children.

I have been a nanny for 10 years. Children has been something I’ve been looking forward to for all of my life. He comes from a long and strong line of sufferers of schizophrenia and we’ve discussed the idea of adoption or sperm donor (so that we could still have the experience of me being pregnant). I question if this would make him distant from our children, or if he might become resentful. I also question if I am being selfish in the thought that having children knowing that their father is capable of delusionalizing someone close to him as evil.

thoughts?


#17

I’m a mom to 2 boys. Got really ill when they were 6 and 9 years old. Looks like my oldest son is becoming ill too. He is 14 and sees ghosts


#18

Hey there rabbit! Sorry if this is harsh - but it comes from my own experience.

I would definitely consider a sperm donor if you are determined to have a baby. Also consider that some adopted children may have issues like fetal alcohol syndrome, low birth weight, learning disability, etc from their birth mothers. I’m not saying that adoption is a bad thing, only that you may become caregiver to two people with issues of some type instead of one.

The main thing to consider though, is that you will be doing all this alone. The stress of 3:00 am feedings, baby crying, family/in-laws, changing diapers - any one of these is probably enough to send him into a psychotic break, which will take at least a month to claw his way back out of, if not more.

You might need someone to watch and care for your child and your boyfriend while you go to work. You will essentially be a single parent with two kids, for the most part… Only one of those kids can drive and use a credit card.


#19

My father has schizophrenia. It was very difficult growing up relying on one parent for emotional and financial support. My father was unable to drive or continue in steady employment. However, I was born in the 70s, times are a changing and there’s more external awareness and support now for carers/offspring than there was then.

It was still an enormous strain on my mother. She had to be breadwinner and parent all on her own. To this day, my father doesn’t really know how to be a father, and I’m almost 40.

Tough reality.


#20

Babysit a while. Try to volunteer with large group of kids for best test.