Hi all! My son is schizophrenic and 26. He lives with his dad and stepmom. We’ve been divorced for a long time, almost 18 yrs now. My son is a very polite, kind, and quiet young man suffering with this wretched illness.
Now, I am remarried to a wonderful man. He is very suportive of me and my famiily.
My daughter is 33 and married to a man that is bipolar. Her husband also has OCD.
My daughter comes for a short visit in November and her husband is with her.
Our stove wasn’t working right during their visit, had 2 burners out and could only use the back two burners. I made the mistake of mentioning to my daughter and son-in-law not to use the front burners if they make something to eat. Well, my son-in-law just had to try and “fix” the stove top. My hubby told him not to worry about it but son-in-law wouldn’t stop. His ocd had taken hold. He spent overnight hours trying to fix it, while everyone was in bed sleeping. My hubby was none too happy, especially when son-in-law had taken the gas meter off the house around back and had it on the ground while trying to fix the old stovetop.
Next day the visit ends and both go home. Now, 2 months later my hubby and I get a phone call from my ex husband wanting to talk to both of us. He is making claims that my husband is mentally and physically abusive to my son! My husband is a good man. My son has come to visit me for the last 15 years twice a year and always has a great time when he’s visiting! NEVER, EVER has or had been any problem whatsoever! Ex now has my son convinced of this and I am just reeling from the allegations! I support my husband and am worried to death about my son. He has never had any problems with my husband before this. I know for certain that my son-in-law has started a tradic rumour that they (ex and daughter) and done soooo much harm to my son who doesn’t need this crap.
I am not sure at all what to do. How do I ever deal with getting through to my son that this is not a fact and to search his own feelings for the truth when he is so vulnerable and mentally ill? I am so sad and hurt I don’t know what to do. My son-in-law and ex have hurt my son who is the victim of this tragedy far worse than one can ever imagine! Ex won’t “allow” my 26 yrs old son now to come visit! If my son was mentally healthy he could stand up for himself and would know the truth, but with his illness and a controlling father he doesn’t stand a chance. So sad
What can be done?
I wouldn’t worry about it, if your ex husband is being overprotective and it’s more about you than your son–your son doesn’t need the extra stress. My boyfriend’s parents are divorced and he lives with his mom, he does a lot of work around the house but I can tell it stresses him out. His mom does care a lot about him too. I think the issue is that you’re going to have to let your son make his own decisions, even if he’s being given the wrong impression about you and how much you care about him. I know that people with schizophrenia can sometimes be more gullible to authority figures and I know where you’re coming from. What is his dad like? Is he getting the help he needs?
Thanks Starrynight!
My ex is what you would call an overprotective and controlling personality. But he would never physically harm my kids. He is a good dad but I just wish that he would have stopped and thought about what he was doing and what the past had been like before jumping to conclusions. Now, the damage is already done to my son and I pray that my son will figure things out on his own, but… you never know. If my ex, his dad, had stopped and thought "well, he’s been going there for a long time now, and never has been a problem, always enjoyed himself, is doing as well as can be expected with sz, etc Hmm… maybe this is not the case"
My son does have a case worker, does go all week to his “community program” at the hospital, is on meds however, the meds his dad says they have him on now is risperdal and prozac. When my son was last on risperdal he was more anxious, a lot of pacing. And I know the prozac may cause an interaction. But I am no doctor. .
I would have to agree with StarryNight and try not to worry about it. Hopefully your ex just overreacted to hearing about the situation and will now calm down.
I know it’s frustrating when you think that you won’t be able to reach or see your son. But this very well could pass with a little time. I’d say send a message and let your son know that the line of communication is always open and that you still love him.
If he’s getting negative pressure form your ex’s side and no pressure from your side, he’ll most likely dismiss the ex and lean towards you.
I sure hope so kidsister. I just want to know he’s ok. My son talks to his uncle a lot, my brother, and my son told him that he was “angry and felt like he was in another world” This scares me. It makes me think that the ideas being put into his head are hurting him and making him delusional somewhat and that the meds can also be responsible. I would feel better if I at least knew he was ok you know? If my kids are happy then I’m happy. When they aren’t then I worry like a mother should I guess.
Thankyou so much for your kind words of encouragement! This illness sucks! It robbed me of my baby and only son. He is such a joy in my life even though I don’t get to see him much (I live a state away). When he visits we go hiking on many bike trails, even take a lunch with us, camping, bowling, etc. I would sure miss the times here, but maybe someday we can do these things together if I can go over there and visit him.
I am trying hard not to worry about it but I can’t stop. The big problem is that he’s got my son convinced that he can’t even talk to my hubby because he’ll try to “convince him to go visit to abuse him” I did try texting son and just said I love you and I will always be here for you. I’ve done what I can do for now but am still really worried. I haven’t received any return texts from my son. Hopefully he’s ok. I can only hope and pray that my daughter and her hubby are setting the record straight with my ex and my son.
Hang in there. You might have to find a way to visit him with out your husband and just gently rebuild the trust. If you can set up a visit with your son you could do something like… "Oh hey, do you remember that one time when we all went… (somewhere) did you want to do that again? If it’s an event that included the husband maybe your son will remember nothing happened to him.
Do you have your daughter on your side as so far as saying that your new husband is not an abuser?
I know he’s not, but is your daughter angry about some thing and hoping to be a thorn in the side or will she support you? I do hope this comes to pass and things calm down.
I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you sure that it is your ex that started this? If your son is feeling angry and like he is in another world is there a possibility that his own paranoia has come into play and he said something to his dad that caused him to react as he did. I’m just wondering if being delusional is causing it instead of the other way around.
My ex is the one whom admitted to talking to my Son-in-law and being “informed” of all of this. It started with my son-in-law, went to my ex, and ex spoke to son. Son may have some paranoia and the two just fueled the idea. So sad…
me too! And yes she sent me a text that stated that she is sorry for all the drama, and that she knows that my hubby is a good man and “definitely not violent” and claims that there are “things going on at home that she can never talk about on the phone” I don’t know if right at this time she can look to side with me in front of her husband.I think she is having big time issues with her husband’s bipolar illness and is scared of not supporting him or something. But she definitely knows my hubby and knows this is all bogus. I have many in my family that know that too. Thanks for asking! 
I have not answered the text yet as there is nothing at this moment that I can do and I feel that staying out of that one might be best! But who knows? I worry about her too but don’t want to add any more crap to the mix or get involved in her marital problems.