My son was diagnosed with SZ, some phychosis & paranoia. He was homeless, then spent 11 months in jail waiting for an inpatient hospital bed,THEN was found competent and let out of jail. He thinks there is nothing wrong with him. Years ago he threatened me, but now he blames me for all thats happened to him.
He refuses to get a job, but wants me to pay for his hotel, ubers, and wants a car and an apartment. This amounts to $1000’s. The advice I get is to cut him off. This cant go on, I know, but I’m afraid, not only of him, but that he will be homeless again! This is hard! Any help would be appreciated. Thank you for reading my delimna right now.
Thank you megmeg. No he isn’t, cause he doesnt yhink there is anything wrong with him. He thinks its a waste of his time to get a job though! But, actually, that may be something to suggest to him! He really needs it!
This illness is so rough for family members. How old is your son? Has he been diagnosed recently? It is so negligent that the jail did not have a plan for him when they released him. They are just setting him up for breaking probation and landing back in jail. The jail should have at the very least put him in a half way house.
The good news is that he is young and may very well get better - in terms of taking responsibility for his life – as he gets older. I supported my son with rent and living expenses for some years, but he got better and began supporting himself. Work disablement is a big problem. He needs to find some paying gig he is willing to do. Required reading for caregivers of those with anosognosia is I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone Accept Treatment
As the title suggests, the person needs to accept treatment. If he has a Dx of schizophrenia, and any psychosis he needs meds to be functional. Only then would he be likely to get a paying job. Please get the book to get some ideas about helping him.
Thank you so much caretaker 1! I will order the book tomorrow! Others w/o this situation in their lives tell me he will figure it out when I stop enabling him. Thank you for your input. Im curious, how did your son get better?
I understand where you are coming from. Most of us here are financially responsible for our loved one. Caring for an adult male and all of their experiences and yours is expensive. I have to always keep in my that I am all that my son has including God and he didn’t ask for this or to be here. This condition is not his fault. I support him financially. I filled out his application for disability. It is worth a try for you to submit it for him and you can add yourself as an authorized person to manage it for him. He will have to sign the form. I’m really hoping my son gets approved and it will help reduce some of the financial responsibility on me. You’re doing the best you can. The people who say to stop helping him may not understand fully what this condition is. I wonder would those same people have the heart to cut off there own children with an illness and leave them high and dry. Setting some boundaries on what you pay for and maybe making sure he has the necessities can help control how much you’re spending on him. Best of luck to you and your son.
He had bipolar from about 18 and was on lithium. Monitor lithium very closely. Even with regular testing he developed CKD and was taken off of it. Bipolar morphed into schizoaffective disorder and finally full-blown SZ with delusions around 30. A few years later there were very bad psychotic episodes. He had been seeing the same psychiatrist all of these years and the psychoses necessitated very heavy doses of APs in the form of quetiapine and olanzapine. That halted the psychoses and the drugs were slowly tapered. 4 years later he’s still taking about 1/2 the maximum dose, but is self-employed and works hard and is completely non-delusional. I think the key is being willing to accept treatment and taking medication.
I agree with Ihavethevictory it’s a good idea for you to apply for disability on behalf of your son and then hopefully he would sign the paper,
My sibling has anasognosia and doesn’t recognize his disorder he was applying for disability himself because of back pain due to a job he had had, he had applied several times but not gotten it.
Not sure how it came about but one time I was asked to write a letter on his behalf I wrote about the severe mental illness that had plagued him since his teens and how he was not responsible and just gave an account of the hospitals that he had been in and out of
That time he got an interview with a psychologist and was finally approved.
So it may take a few times.
Also if he happens to get better you can still work certain limit while you’re on disability.
Or even do jobs on the side.
I’m not sure what state you’re in but some states also have a program called IHSS workers, this program allows you to become a worker for your loved one and you can get paid for caregiving, I think this is almost necessary for a lot of families who simply do not have the funds for their loved ones expenses plus the time that it takes caring for someone else plus trying to keep your own job afloat.
It may be something to look into also
Thank you caregiver1! I ordered the book, supposed to come this week. Ot sounds like a long road. He said he was about to get a car. Then nothing. So basically now hes in a hotel & taking ubers to im not sure where. Maybe a gym. Im glad your son is now working. Amd wish your family the best!
Thank you so much Ihavethevictory! I appreciate your input! Does your son live with you? That would cut down in expenses a lot, but wirh his belligerent, threatening behavior, i cant chance that. Ill check out disability, but since he doesn’t think anything is wrong, he probably wouldn’t sign.
Thank you megmeg! There has to be a way. Im happy for your answers for your child! Thank you so much. I will look into disability. But i doubt the IHSS would work if we have it, due to his not living here. Wishing the best for you & yours!
I understand he isn’t on disability because he doesn’t think anything is wrong with him, but it sounds like you have plenty of evidence to go before a probate judge or hire a social security attorney (they work on contingency) You have the medical records the court documents about his time in jail and his inability to get a job or handle his own finances. I believe you could either get guardianship of him and become his rep payee which means you would get whatever social security he would be awarded under disability, and you can control pretty much everything.
OR you can plead that the court assign their own guardian and rep payee. I’ve been through all of this myself, and it’s not easy, if you are successful, your son will likely be angry, but he is also not stabilized yet so it’s not the real him. As far as jobs, it is highly unlikely he could hold even a menial job without being stable. Most (not all) schizophrenics need someone to provide constant redirection and support. I recommend gathering the evidence you can and first consult with a social security attorney, they will consult for free.
You can also call your local probate court and ask any questions you need about having the court appoint a guardian/rep payee and they may even be able to enforce treatment. OR as mentioned earlier, you can take it on yourself. Only you can decide. It may be the only way to get him out of this seemingly unproductive path he is on with you. I might also recommend (if possible) that you seek counseling yourself, for me, counseling was a lifesaver. I still go once a month, and my son has been stable for quite a while now. My son was diagnosed at 21 and he is 41 now. I’m retired and we live together, he still cannot work but he is a big help around the house, and he is very good company. He still has limitations, but he doesn’t hear or see things anymore. I hope everything works out for you and I’m glad you found this forum. I wish you and your son all the best going forward. Also consider NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) they offer valuable classes that for me were really eye opening about caring for a mentally ill family member. Just a thought. NAMI Family-to-Family | National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Catherine, thank you so much for a very detailed and supportive suggestion. I have contacted NAMI, they are very supportive. They did supply me a legal services place. I too have counseling, which I am grateful for. I will really have to ponder your suggestions. Im so happy your son is with you and helps. My son is definitely not there yet, as he blames me for his misfortunes in life. Thank you again for your advice and support. I wish you well going forward also.
My son’s father completed the disability application for him and I eventually got him to sign it. He gets a decent amount of funds that now covers rent/utilities and food. I would complete that and tell your son that he can get $ to cover his expenses until he finds a job. My son had anasognosia for years. He finally agreed to signing, told the clerk he had sz - which was unbelievable. It took about 9 months, lots of being on hold with social security, and lots of lots of pushing on my end. It was well worth the efforts. What state are you in?
Your welcome! I just also got guardianship for my son. One the of the rights I asked for was to apply for government benefits. If you get guardianship this will help you overcome him having to sign or giving you permission. The guardianship process went quickly. He was evaluated by two psychiatrists and a social worker which all agreed he needed to be under a guardianship. I did have to pay an attorney. I have heard some legal aide programs can help with this at no cost. My son does not live with me. I had to buy another home which I really thank God for. I have a tenant living on one side of the property which help’s cover half of the expenses. My son was also in hotels and Air B n Bs for months. Which he was getting kicked out of. Financially I couldn’t continue paying for or hotels. I had to get very creative in figuring out a way to make sure he has shelter, not end up homeless (this would have crushed me) and cost effective. He is my only child. This is a lot on us financially. I really pray and do the best I can. I continually tell God you bless me with a son and I need your help financially to care for him in this condition. So far he has made sure he provides. Hope this helps!
Thank you so much for steps of achieving progress and help financially. If i can find out where my son is, i think this may be worth a try. May i ask i f you would be responsible if your son were to damage his apartment ,car. Etc. My son threatened me with taking me to small claims court if i didnt give him a vehicle which is way beyond my limit of what i t old him. He also wants me to pay for a 1 way flight to see a vehicle states away from him. This is hard. Thank you for your positive hopeful post!
Hi DianeR. Thank you for your input! It was such a hopeful post. I think my son may sign up to use the system. Although he has a pretty hefty opinion of himself. Due to his passive soft threats lately because im not going along with what he wants, i would probably try this if i knew his location. I understand there is a group called Guardians. I think, that evaluate a person, by pass jail, and take them directly to a hospital. Oh what a blessing that would be. My son is in TX. Thank you again.
Indeed this is very difficult. He needs to get on medication. This was a nightmare for a very long time. My son was also aggressive towards me and damaging property. I automatically take responsibility for things he damages. I’m not sure if guardianship makes me responsible. He use to break TVs and punch holes in the walls at Air b n bs that I had to fix. It got to the point I really couldn’t take how him or I was living anymore. You have to take steps to force him to comply with the treatment. I live in FL. My next step was to get him on court ordered medication. I began the guardianship process to get him to comply with the treatment. With guardianship you can make the decision for admission to a residential psychiatric treatment facility. If that didn’t work my next step was to get it court ordered. Law enforcement can get involved if he doesn’t comply. Not knowing his whereabouts is an obstacle that you will have to overcome at least guardianship assessment can be done by zoom and you can still file without knowing his whereabouts. My son’s assessments were by zoom for the guardianship at the hospital. He was on a baker act and I took the opportunity to file for an emergency guardianship as soon as he was committed. This helped the process because he was in a controlled environment. If your son gets hospitalized or arrested file! When your son does get the help he needs explore injectable antipsychotics. Honestly I prayed daily like there was no tomorrow and started taking steps to force him to comply. This is when I saw a complete turn around. We are all trying. This requires a lot of persistence and patience.
