My son has been off his meds for about a mth and his condition is deteriorating! He is trying to act normal but I can see through the act.
Yesterday I was down all day in bed from migraine. Last night my son was out looking for his dog and thought it would be funny to bang on our dining room window to try to scare his stepfather and friends who were playing cards. Note about my husband, he thinks he’s a bad guy cuz he carries a gun and lets everyone know every chance he gets. So naturally he jumps up runs outside and points the gun at my son.
My son immediately yelled it was him and he was just playing a joke. My husband said a few choice words and then came storming in the bedroom where I was asleep saying that I better get my son under control! That my son knows he carries and will not hesitate to shoot.
I told him that my son was just playing around and that he over reacted AGAIN!
All day today my son has been texting me saying how much he knows my husband wants to get rid of him.
I’m in a difficult situation! I fear as the weeks pass it’s only going to get worse between them. And I also believe my husband does things just to “poke the bear” so to speak.
I’m starting to believe I need to separate from my husband for both their sakes before something tragic happens!!
Sorry to play devil’s advocate, but do you think your son might be right? Even if your husband won’t even admit that to himself?
My son is incredibly good at picking up on people’s feelings - not just their words, but their tone, their facial expressions, their body language. He’s right a lot of the time.
I’m not suggesting you do this, but my husband has practically moved out to the camper on our country property. It wasn’t because of our son, but now that he’s only home 1 or 2 nights a week, we’re all getting along better. It’s taken the stress of all of us.
My husband sounds somewhat like yours. He’s not a showoff about guns (we have plenty of them, but it’s no big deal and not something he feels a need to advertise), but he’s just naturally loud and comes off as a little aggressive. Our son is quieter and sensitive. Actually, his dad is sensitive too - he just learned to cover it up by acting more manly.
I’m way less sensitive than either one of them - so they drive me crazy sometimes.
So, not suggesting you leave your husband, but wanted to share my situation and let you know I can relate. Before we changed our living arrangement, I really thought one of them could end up dead one day.
I think what your son did by banging on the window was a normal thing to do and the armed response was over the top…
I hope you feel better and get some quality rest so you can cope.
Thank you both for your insights! I agree with you both! I believe I need to have a real heart to heart with my husband and see things for what they are! We have tried for over 10 years to make this work and things are still the same. My first devotion is to my disabled son. Too bad my husband refuses to understand that! I’m all my son has in this world and I will not leave him alone to fend for himself!
Just my humble opinion, but I would take my son and leave and not look back. Both you and your son need support and understanding…not what you’re getting.
And your heart will always be with your son first. I am sure you love your husband also, but you need to be able to trust that your husband deeply understands and accepts your true priority. And that he is a safe person for your son and you.
But how do you make that happen? I love my husband but he constantly has issues with my son. And I love my son but he always has issues with my husband. And I have the pleasure of hearing from them both!! Sooooo tired of being in the middle!! Feel frozen; like I can’t move. Can’t choose! So I bury myself in my depression and fight off the migraines! Not happy and not living!
Before it got better here, I had a come to Jesus talk with my husband - his father.
Among other things, I told him –
Your son is seriously ill - he is not making it up, he is not pretending, he is probably schizophrenic.
He can not help how he acts or what he thinks.
He is not happy, and he didn’t choose to be like he is.
You are not mentally ill, although some days I wonder if maybe you are, so you have to suck it up and deal with it.
Right now, you are not helping. You are making it worse for him and for me.
If you can’t get with the program, then you have to stay away.
I think it took this past/current episode for my husband to really be able to see it - or let himself see it. Some men can be really thick in the head.
But, I’d start with telling your husband he’s not mentally ill, so it’s up to him to be the bigger person in this situation if he loves you. And, if he doesn’t love you enough to do that, you’ll have to decide for yourself if you can live that way.
Thank you for your support and advice! Helps to talk things through. I really hate being in this position! I’m not able to work due to migraines so therefore am dependent on my husband for everything! My son lives in the house behind us and his ssi/ssa is just barely enough to cover his house payment and utilities. His real father sees him ever so often and talks with him on phone. But even he thinks he just needs to get off meds and man up. (Mind you his real dad still smokes pot daily but works construction as top guy over 30+ workers and travels all the time so he doesn’t SEE the same things I see on a daily basis!)
Pray for me today. I’m at the dr with son now for his monthly med refill. I hope the roller coaster of over taking Xanax and Percocet doesn’t start over again!!