Struggling with marriage

Last month I took my son and I out of our family home to stay with my parents. My husband was getting more and more irritable with us, following us around and yelling, threatening, and was paranoid i was trying to hurt him. A few weeks later he got diagnosed with schizophrenia and given meds. This has been ten years of him suffering from depression, substance use, manic episodes, paranoid episodes etc. Now finally he gets a diagnosis that clicks. Im angry at the failure of the health care system, but also lost in what to do for our marriage and parenting. We visit him 3-4 times a week but he is still so irritable, and angry with me for leaving. We want to make it work but everytime I see him he gets mad at me/the world about something. My parents are also struggling with the idea of me staying with him after learning about the years of emotional abuse. Id love to know how long it has taken meds to work, or counselling to work for others. If there has been big changes in their emotions and kindness/respect.

Hello @Coastal and welcome to this site. Getting a diagnosis for schizophrenia is often just the first step in trying to win our loved ones back from the terrible place they have been in. I hate to say it, but sometimes meds work, sometimes they don’t, and changing meds is a trial and error process. I’m sorry you’ve been through 10 years of emotional episodes with your husband. If he got diagnosed in a few weeks, that’s actually a pretty short time period, as the health care system as a whole is not often successful in helping those with severe mental illness to get quick help.

My daughter struggled for 3 years with 5 or 6 different meds and 5 total involuntary hospitalizations before being put on her current medicine, which has helped her for over 3 years now. The whole entire first year on these meds she still was delusional and paranoid at times, but never as severe as it was prior to the Haldol.

My friend’s son, who got into mental troubles about the same time as my daughter, still is not doing well in life, despite many hospitalizations and med changes. It is uncertain and unpredictable if medicines will work or not for him. His 72 year old mother still provides totally for him and gets the courts to hospitalize him when he gets too angry or violent or threatening with her. It has been wearing her down for over 6 years now.

You can read on this site what other spouses and families have struggled with. Do read. You won’t feel so alone then, and perhaps will get an idea of what do do with your life. He may get over his anger with you, or he may not, despite medicine.

I wish you the best.

1 Like

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot in supporting your husband through his diagnosis of schizophrenia. It’s true that navigating the treatment process can be challenging and often involves trial and error with medications.

I’m sorry to hear about the struggles your daughter and your friend’s son have faced as well.
Take care, and I wish you and your husband the best on this journey.

Hello @auntieshameem and welcome to this site. It is nice to see new people signing in, it is good emotional support. Navigating any treatment process is super challenging.

@Coastal , how are you and your son doing? How is your husband?

Regarding the effectiveness of medication and counseling, it’s important to understand that every individual’s journey with mental health treatment is unique. While some people may experience significant improvements relatively quickly, others may require more time and adjustments to find the right combination of therapies that work for them.

In the case of schizophrenia, medication often plays a crucial role in managing symptoms, but it can take several weeks or even months for its full effects to be felt. Additionally, therapy, both individual and family-focused, can complement medication by providing coping strategies, improving communication skills, and addressing underlying issues.

As for changes in emotions, kindness, and respect, these are gradual processes that may evolve over time with consistent treatment and support. It’s important to have realistic expectations and to prioritize your own well-being and safety along the way.

In terms of your relationship with your husband, open and honest communication, along with professional guidance, can be invaluable. Setting boundaries, seeking couples therapy, and involving supportive family members can also help navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust and understanding.

Remember that you’re not alone in this journey, and it’s okay to seek help and take things one step at a time. Take care of yourself and your son, and don’t hesitate to reach out to mental health professionals or support groups for guidance and assistance.
Regards : namegenerator