Struggling with marriage

Last month I took my son and I out of our family home to stay with my parents. My husband was getting more and more irritable with us, following us around and yelling, threatening, and was paranoid i was trying to hurt him. A few weeks later he got diagnosed with schizophrenia and given meds. This has been ten years of him suffering from depression, substance use, manic episodes, paranoid episodes etc. Now finally he gets a diagnosis that clicks. Im angry at the failure of the health care system, but also lost in what to do for our marriage and parenting. We visit him 3-4 times a week but he is still so irritable, and angry with me for leaving. We want to make it work but everytime I see him he gets mad at me/the world about something. My parents are also struggling with the idea of me staying with him after learning about the years of emotional abuse. Id love to know how long it has taken meds to work, or counselling to work for others. If there has been big changes in their emotions and kindness/respect.

Hello @Coastal and welcome to this site. Getting a diagnosis for schizophrenia is often just the first step in trying to win our loved ones back from the terrible place they have been in. I hate to say it, but sometimes meds work, sometimes they don’t, and changing meds is a trial and error process. I’m sorry you’ve been through 10 years of emotional episodes with your husband. If he got diagnosed in a few weeks, that’s actually a pretty short time period, as the health care system as a whole is not often successful in helping those with severe mental illness to get quick help.

My daughter struggled for 3 years with 5 or 6 different meds and 5 total involuntary hospitalizations before being put on her current medicine, which has helped her for over 3 years now. The whole entire first year on these meds she still was delusional and paranoid at times, but never as severe as it was prior to the Haldol.

My friend’s son, who got into mental troubles about the same time as my daughter, still is not doing well in life, despite many hospitalizations and med changes. It is uncertain and unpredictable if medicines will work or not for him. His 72 year old mother still provides totally for him and gets the courts to hospitalize him when he gets too angry or violent or threatening with her. It has been wearing her down for over 6 years now.

You can read on this site what other spouses and families have struggled with. Do read. You won’t feel so alone then, and perhaps will get an idea of what do do with your life. He may get over his anger with you, or he may not, despite medicine.

I wish you the best.

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