Hello everyone. I have been married to my husband for over 21 years.
As a teenager he had issues with depression and suicidal thoughts. I was not completely aware of these issues before we were married. 3 years after we married he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Thus began the mental and emotional roller coaster of medication, highs and lows, the constant guessing game of what’s coming next.
I know that this diagnosis is not his fault and I have tried everything I can to be helpful without creating more pressure, stress or anxiety for him. I have also tried several different coping mechanism for myself so I don’t get too burned out. I have a strong spiritual lifestyle that helps me get through the rough patches.
The challenge I have been facing lately is whenever the doc decides to do a med change there are full frontal emotional attacks towards me during the transition. This is becoming very draining and this last time I left for 2 weeks. I felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore and even though it’s not his fault for having this mental illness the mental and emotional abuse towards me is almost unbearable.
I had a plan to try and get my own place and just stay gone. This caused confusion with my spouse because even though he knows he hurt my feelings, he thinks that all that is needed is an apology or two and everything will be fine again.
I have been meeting with a psychologist myself to work through some of these issues and my husband agreed to meet with a couples counselor next month. My family thinks I’ve dealt with it enough and that I should leave. Unfortunately this is easier said than done.
I don’t know how to explain what it’s like to be married to someone with a mental illness. Whenever I try to talk to him about things we should deal with he doesn’t really think there’s a problem. It’s very frustrating and I feel like I’m wearing my family out by talking to them about him.
So I came here for help, support, understanding and compassion for what I’m going through. To know I’m not the only one going through this and for any suggestions on how to deal and when to know if I should be done or if it’s just all part of the “normal life” of living with schizophrenia.
Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you!