Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Family issues living with schizophrenia and marriage kids


#1

Im paranoid schizophrenic. I have been married for 7 years have two kids. I recently moved out of my marital home and took the kids with me. My husband has cheated on me in the past. I truly love my husband but i have hard time trusting him. Having this diagnosis really sucks. Everyone judges me and looks at me in a negative light because of my disability. I know i have issues and i think i do alright with them. The biggest issue i have in my marriage which caused me to leave is trust/infidelity. Ever since my husband stepped out i felt he truly did not want me. Now with this diagnosis he says im just crazy and its my paranoia. One of the most hurtful things he said to me was because of your illness i can take the kids from you with no problem. He said i can take them and just give them back just to show you. This hurt me because i love my family and kids and ive been primarily taking care of them thus far. Although there have been many instances where i caughy him talking to other women. I know im not allways right about everything. How do i even began to try and fix this. If it cant be fix i dont want to lose my babies. I was thinking just to go back just for my kids but its hard living with someone who picks on every flaw you have plus illness and then you dont feel like they even want you.


#2

First of all welcome here, and I am very sorry that you are having these issues. I guess if I were to comment on your post I would have questions first like 1/ is the infidelity and lack of trust in your spouse a deal breaker for you and would you ultimately want to get a divorce but just maintain primary custody of your children? OR are you wanting to approach it with the hope of eventual reconciliation and is he willing to work on these problems with you?

From what you have said it sounds like he is maybe inflicting some emotional abuse toward you by threatening you with taking the kids and maybe behaving in questionable or possibly suspicious ways with other women. My second question would be -do you have a psychiatrist/ therapist you can confide in regularly? This is critical to back up your stability during this stressful time. If you are stable on meds or whatever type of treatment you currently use and your kids are well cared for consistently then there should be no question that you are a good mom. It is beyond unfair that your husband would use your kids as a threat to you. You deserve a husband that has compassion for your illness and you and one that instills trust.

I also think you might be able to get help from a local women’s shelter, even though you have not mentioned any violence occurring, I think manipulation and using your illness against you counts as a form of mental abuse and it is not okay. The shelters can help you organize a ‘plan of action’ if your goal is to divorce and maintain custody or whatever you should decide on.

You could also call NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) and see if they have resources for you. I know change of any kind is daunting and maybe even more so when you are dealing with mental illness.You seem to have a good bit of insight into your own illness and that is a real plus.

Gather resources around you, with your doctor, counselors and anything else supportive your community may offer and keep notes on what is going on in the mean time. Some family law attorneys will do a free consultation to at least let you know what your legal options are if you need legal options at some point.

These are just my thoughts for what they are worth, I am no expert on marriage of any kind but I am an expert on being a mom and dealing with mental illness and my heart goes out to you in your situation, I know that good mental health relies heavily on maintaining a low stress lifestyle or as close to low stress as possible…the more stress the more instability or it least that is how it is in my family. I wish you all the best going forward. Stay well.
https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-HelpLine


#3

Thank you. I was hoping moving out would help him change. I was hoping for reconciliation. But one day i went to the house and he does have a roommate. I found two women and two small children living there . Although my husband said it was hia room mates guest. We argued over it very badly i didnt believe him. I came back another day he changed the locks on the doors. And i had to go through our back door. In which he jumped on me and forced me to stay out. I believe the girls were smoking weed in the house because i could smell it. They both baracaded the girls in the room. The police got called. Told me i couldnt be at my own house because i left. I was hurt. He told me he has nothing to do with them. Told me it was my paranoia and illness. Im hurt. I dont know what to believe. He said he didnt know they werd there. I just dont want to be miserable anymore. But i dont want to lose my kids. And i will take your advice. I will get back into counseling.


#4

I am so glad you plan to seek help -because you absolutely need to have people who are in your corner. What he is doing to you is not right, and you deserve much better. :rose:


#5

Thank you im so glad i found this forum. It means the world to me for someone not to judge me based on my illness. You truly brought tears to my eyes and made me see that you can still have faith in humanity. Thank you for treating me like a human being despite my flaws. Thank you god bless you.


#6

Hi, Imhere, I hope you find support and good legal advice for your marital situation so you can keep your kids.


#7

Thank you its something i worry about everyday.


#8

Hi - I hope you had some good feedback to your question. I’m not sure if you posted here on purpose or not - but we have a “diagnosed” forum also on our site - where you can get feedback from other people in very similar situations as you are in. Its ok to post here in the Family Member/Caregiver forum once in a while, but we have found the forums generally function better for everyone’s benefit if we generally keep the family members (i.e. usually the parents or siblings of people who have schizophrenia)/Caregivers in one forum and the “Diagnosed” in the other forum. Here is the main diagnosed forum: