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SZA drug abusing son, just tearing my heart apart, need advice


#1

Hi. It’s been awhile- but I just need to connect to get some support. My son was homeless this summer because of an increase again in drug use. He agreed to go to rehab but bailed after 2 weeks to live with a “sober” friend who was going to help him…needless to say it didn’t work. He was fortunate enough to be in line for a supportive housing program aimed to help persistently ill MH patients, with an on site case manager as well as his MSC . we agreed to let him stay with us until the apt was ready. He moved and has missed his rent twice due to drug use. He is scheduled to get a repayee so that this doesn’t happen again. But he calls me crying saying he’s not happy and wants to come home. He can not live with use as his drug use kicks up his psychosis and his dad is the target of his fixed delusions. We tried to have him to dinner yesterday and while putting up Christmas lights he went after his dad pushing him through stair railing because he heard my voice tell him to. He got very remorseful and cried… He said he used crack and it makes his voices worse and unmanageable. I’m at a loss…it kills me to hear him say he wants to come home and I have to say no…mental illness and substance abuse are the most horrific thing …just feeling really down this evening that I cannot help my child.
We are put him in rehab twice - a full 30 day program, a 2 week program and 3 rounds of out pt. He is going to SW weekly as his treatment team said if he didn’t they would go to court for AOT, which we are 100% supporting. It still breaks my heart…just seeking if anyone has any suggestions on if we missed something else to try?


#2

You are doing everything you can.

One thing I might be able to promise my family member is that I will reassess the decision that they cannot live in the house after two years of complete sobriety. Two years is kind of like the end of the beginning of recovery.

As hard as it is, I think you are doing the right thing.


#3

Hang in there Tinymama, you are doing really hard job the best you can. You have to keep his dad safe.


#4

Tinymama, it is clear that you love your son. I think you are doing a lot of things right. The biggest problem that we have is the faulty decision making of our kids AND the drive to feel different. I am so sorry that you are going through this and I know it is heartbreaking.
I was talking to my son about Avatar therapy and he shared that one of the voices was me yelling. It hurt but I was glad he told me.


#5

Tinymama you’re not alone. You’ve tried your best and followed through with a tough but necessary decision to disallow drug use in your home. I’m assuming your son knows the reason he cannot move back home at this time. In my area there’s an Alanon group for parents and it was very helpful. When my son’s outpatient rehab counselor recommended I go to Alanon I naively thought no way that means I’m giving up. Not so. The support, whether from Alanon, NAMI meetings, or other avenues, is important.


#6

is there not a government program where the government service pays the rent for him out of whatever monies he is getting i expect likely from welfare or disability? I had a friend once that was on a program like that where i used to live.