We are really back and forth with this, son can be very “normal” then at times reverts back to like last night saying the same old same old.
Soul been taken, we should have stopped that happening when he was a kid, blah blah , its putting a huge strain on our family life and me and husband marriage -sanity.
We can’t go out without son wanting to come every time , sometimes hubby is ok with it other times naturally he gets fed up.
Last day of Easter holiday for husband last night and son who was in a bad mood all day started on him with this again, saying we opened our door to mental health nstaff etc etc. He is on an involuntary cto with a depot of 150mg of paliperidone each month.
My husband is now thinking not all of this is illn as and some is down to sons personality, which I say IS his illness. Thanks for reading.
My husband thought like your husband does for a long time. He felt our son could control his illness - it was the good days that our son used to have that made my husband this this was controllable.
As the last couple of years have passed and there are less good days, my husband has come to realize its all part of the illness. Took a long time to get him there and a lot of grief between us about it until he did get there.
Sorry that you and your husband went through this too hope,
How are things now? my son tonight has gone away to a football match with my husbands friend that goes with them. Hubby is away with work. He will act all nice to him when just earlier this evening he told me we are to blame for letting mental health team into our house, and that why do we answer to them and who controls us…
Thank goodness hubby and I are having a holiday next week and he is going to his Grandparents.
My husband and son don’t have any contact. My son’s delusions are often focused on his dad and it scares my husband. We share the same property, Jeb is out in a garage apartment we built for him.
During his last normal spell Jeb commented in a sad voice, “Dad never talks to me anymore”. So sad but understandable, the voices really focus on his dad. Two years ago when my husband greeted Jeb, he thought his dad called him a name and later that night he entered our garage and scratched names into my husband’s car.
So glad yours can stay with the grands, we are able to take trips too - seems like many in our situation can’t, its really a blessing to be able to get away isn’t it?
A couple of weeks ago Jeb was in a really good place - like we haven’t seen since last summer. He was all over the property outside, kicking his ball, spending time walking his cats outside, washing his car. I love those days. He even texted me about how he had gone to jury duty while we were gone on a trip. Last time a jury notice came for him I intercepted it. He texted for about 90 minutes about that experience. He didn’t not get picked for the jury - thank goodness.
My husband got there, it just takes more time for some of us to work through it.
Im sad about your Husband and Jeb reading this . Your post is very familiar and can relate to it.
My son has said stuff to his Dad before he was on meds like , are you my real father, did I come from you ? you are a satanist, why do they use these extreme words that aren’t in our normal vocabulary?
He said he saw my husband sniff drugs once when out walking the dog together, NOT true of course.
Its strange how the boys blame their dads , my son says stuff like, why did you let it happen etc. Thinking of you all right now Hope.
Thanks Jane57 - its so hard on the parents that are their main targets. I am sorry for both of our husbands, and for all of us that deal with the nightmare world that is schizophrenia. I know frequently the moms are the target instead of the dads.
Schizophrenia is a nightmare and the entire family is affected by the nonstop nightmare of it. The families that get their loved ones stable on meds and then have to deal with them coming off their meds or the meds not working anymore, it never ends for anyone.
I am grateful we have gotten to some sort of a coping arrangement - well, until the next whatever occurs.
My son is 30 and off of any medication for 1 year now. He doesn’t live with us. He would have nothing to do with us for Easter. Both mom and dad are his targets. He calls us both awful names. Then he will call and say he is sorry and doesn’t know why he says the things he does. I call it dr jekyll and mr hyde. When will it ever end?
When my daughter’s mi first began to show my ex-husband thought she was being manipulative and her lack of focus and energy was laziness and all she needed is to pull herself up by the boot straps. As she was nearing 20 years old he thought all she needed was to get a job. Later he began to see that she was mentally ill. I think it’s difficult for parents to see that their daughter or son may be developing a mental illness. I myself couldn’t see that it was mental illness and all she needed was love and good nutrition.
My partner has schizophrenia, on good days he: cooks dinner for me, makes me laugh, is affectionate, goes for nature walks with me, watches documentaries on TV, helps my mother with yard work, does all the grocery shopping and so many other normal things. Don’t give up, it can take a long time to get the medicine right. Sometimes medicine that used to work stops working and adjustments need to be made. Sometimes he has difficult days, deals with extreme anxiety and, paranoia and occasionally psychosis. He has gained a lot of insight and knows when he is psychotic. It’s challenging but we make it work. I used to take so many things personally and sometimes I still do, but most of the negativity is his illness. It has taken years for me to see the patterns and triggers that are clearly related to his illness. Don’t give up, there’s hope.
When you say “pattern”, are you talking about a good period of time, then a bad period of time, and then back to good period again? If so, how long do your good periods and bad periods last, and do the bad periods still happen even with consistent medication use? I’m just trying to understand what is reasonable to expect. It’s hard to know what would be considered “normal” or “typical” with recovery, or whether the medication is not working well enough.
According to research scz lightens up for most when they are in their late 40’s, early 50’s earlier for some.
Mine’s new thing is yelling FY, FY, FY when I go outside to garden. As long as he stays inside his place while he’s doing his yelling, well, fine.
I’m sorry it’s getting on your last nerve. It comes and goes with my son to you think one minute he’s getting better and then it’s three steps back. just hang onto the good times to try to remember those and not the past good times but the present good days or good minutes that we have.
our son also lives in an apartment next-door and there has been a tremendous help and blessing. He said able to stay there when he stable in right now he’s on a shot of Abilify. He just refused his shot and is unstable again today.
I know my son loves to get out but it’s mostly me that text from my husband doesn’t have the patience. He likes to do normal things and meet people but it is rare that those situations arise. It all has to be orchestrated by me and I’m still working.
I took him to the university recently to hear Marsha Linehan speak. He sat down in the back for about 10 minutes then left. At present I couldn’t take him anywhere.
Mine has been getting himself out more since he started working with a therapist that does CBT. He has been grocery shopping for himself for the first time in several years and he took an exercise class. His new thing where he yells FYFYFY from inside his place, it’s really not shaking me up. I remain cautious and keep the dog with me when I work outside.
At this point our normal is just not being angry, interacting with the children, just careing in general about the daily functions of life. When I feel he is being normal we have conversations about things we communicate.
KRelative M says: she needs $30k to improve her place because the winters are cold.
In a few years she again needed “at least” $10k to buy a place in Eastern Europe. It goes on and on. This is not really greed, she gets “great” ideas and and wants help implementing them.
When i refuse (I always do) she says: she will kill me and destroy me. I stop responding. She stops her threats untill she gets another great idea.
Relative B said: the apartment he is urenting is up for sale, but he really likes it and would i please buy it for him.
I borrowed some money and did buy it for him as it was in Eastern Europe and only $20k. He would have been in a gutter otherwise. I consider that money gone, but at least he has a roof over his head.
Then he says he wants $15k to start this great money making business, which would make him a millionaire. That is again, in Eastern Europe. To that said i said “no”.
(Did he learn this from the relative M or do i just look strong and capable to both of them?)
This kind of stuff is very “normal” part of my life and goes on and on.
