When the delusion is aimed at us

Family
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Well mostly his Dad.
Last night hubby and I took our dog out to,the beach just to get hubby away from son.
Husband works mostly at home and son is around the home all day doing nothing
Quick run down of the story.
They both travel on the train a month ago to a cup final soccer match.
They had a drink or three on train coming back. Got chatting to a man beside them, son chatted mostly but just regular sport chat .
My son has a delusion from a few years back that he was being framed as a paedophile ( which he certainly isn’t). He thinks he’s admitted to random people this, the latest being this man on the train. It couldn’t get any more complicated as he is saying he would never say it but he did and it was because his drink was spiked, and he says his dad knew it and even was involved. So you can imagine the animosity hubby is feeling. He said it over and over last night and blames his dad. My husband ended up saying he would never go,anywhere again with him.

I hate this I feel like the pig in the middle , trying to help son but so annoyed at his strong wrong beliefs, he actually thinks this is real.
Any advice anyone please?

Tomorrow his Cpn is coming out to see us along with a psychologist for us , son doesn’t want to be involved.

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Is your son on medication? Was he on meds at the time of the train ride? If so, and if the old delusions were quiet and are now coming back, maybe that means he needs a med change?

I’m feeling the same way your husband is. If my son can’t keep certain delusional beliefs to himself, then I feel like I can’t/won’t take him places, and I say that directly to him. I also repeatedly say, “That kind of talk is for your therapist, not random people”.

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Thanks , he won’t talk to anyone openly except us, he does just what he has to with regards to accepting meds and seeing his cpn when she visits.
He actually changed meds last week , he had a trial dose of zuclopenthixol after a year on paliperidone. Yes he was on meds at time of train journey.

It’s so,tough, on Sunday evening he was laying against his dads shoulder while they watched Tv then for no,obvious reason started “picking” on him last night about the train journey a month ago.

Couple of years ago before meds and hospital admission he would say hubby couldn’t be his real dad (course he is). Also was seemingly jealous of his dad.

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My son won’t talk openly with therapists either, but I’m hoping he will learn that sharing certain delusions with the wrong people will have natural consequences (i.e. People won’t want to be with you or go places with you).

I’m also hoping that by repeatedly saying “That topic is for your therapist”, it will eventually sink in and he will some day do it. If he chooses not to share it with a therapist, maybe he’ll at least some day learn to not share it with random people.

Some of my son’s delusions are outrageously inappropriate to talk about with random people, so I’m in the same boat. When his meds aren’t working well (like right now), it’s a total risk having him socialize with people.

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How old is he? What meds is your son on? My son I don’t think he is saying this stuff I think afterwards he just "thinks "he is

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That’s the “Confabulation” that we’ve been talking about here:

In psychiatry, confabulation (verb: confabulate)
is a disturbance of memory, defined as the production of fabricated,
distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world,
without the conscious intention to deceive.

Most of my son’s delusions are currently confabulations - although much more pleasant than what your son has.

He has memories, or beliefs, that things happened that couldn’t possibly have happened.
That’s a little different from his delusions that he has special powers.

He is not lying to us - he honestly believes it and I have no doubt he could pass a lie detector test.
Maybe that’s what’s going on with your son?

It doesn’t make it any better, but it does help to understand that it’s a symptom & exactly what it means.

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It does help you are right slw, he used to even say a couple of times “remember when” and nope I never could but dismissed it as just that ie I couldn’t remember but I have a great memory but still passed it off as I couldn’t remember but must’ve happened as he said it did.

I remember you saying about your sons experience. So this isn’t a delusion as such then?

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I think about them like false memories, but they are related to his delusions.

He has this thing about a celebrity.

So, he’ll ask me if I remember when the celebrity came to the house.
And, I just tell him no, I don’t remember, but I can’t remember everything.
Sometimes, he’ll ask if I believe him.
I’ll either say don’t know because I can’t remember, but I’ll take his word for it - or that I know he wouldn’t lie to me.
Because he’s not lying - to him, it’s 100% real.

He says this celebrity picked him up from elementary school & took him to be on his talk show.
And, he’ll say the celebrity took him trick or treating to the house we live in now.

I’ll say that wasn’t very nice because no one should kidnap people & if I had known, I’d have been really mad.
And, that he should never get in a car with anyone, even if he thinks he knows them.

I’ve asked him how he did all this when he was a kid without me knowing - he would always say it was during school hours or while he was supposed to be spending the night with a friend. I can count the number of nights he spent with friends on one hand because everyone always wanted sleepovers at our house.

So, it’s all related to the delusions, but they’re also confabulations.
He kind of makes them all up after the fact.

A pure delusion is more like how he can read minds when he wants to & has ESP at times, etc.
A paranoid delusions is when he thinks someone’s coming to get him right now or in the future.

That’s how I understand it with my son anyway.

If he didn’t make up the story about your husband after the fact, but while it was going on, that’s probably a combination of paranoia, hallucinations & delusions - as in hearing things that weren’t being said because he was so worried that it would happen.

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You seem to deal well , or rather you have worked out the sensible thing to say . My son only mentioned it way after the event. He shouldn’t really have drank that much alcohol . Not overly much but too much for him.

He swore blind he had seen hubby sniff drugs when they took the dog for a walk one night about three years ago, he didn’t mention at the time but months later so I asked him why he didn’t say something to his dad as surely he didn’t think it was right that his dad took drugs! He said no because it’s his choice and it’s up to him what he does. I still said would it not have been sensible to advise your dad?

By the way my husband has never ever took drugs.

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I deal well when the delusions or cafabulations are pleasant, no matter how bizarre they are.

When he goes manic & his thoughts go dark, I don’t deal well at all.
Those times make the other days seem pleasant by comparison - that’s why I seem to deal well with it.

Right or wrong, I deal with the “pleasant” thoughts just like it was anything anyone would say in normal conversation, the way I’ve seen people do with Alzheimer’s patients.

I could be doing damage by reinforcing his delusions, but since I can’t logic it out of him, and he sees through most of the LEAP stuff, this is what gives us peace for the majority of the time, so I’m going with it.

I hope for the day when the meds work well enough that he gains insight again. When he came out of quick breaks when he was a teenager, he would say that maybe he was mistaken as his mind started to clear. I’m always waiting for that moment.

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I hope it does slw . It’s strange as one of the very first signs of my son not being well is he developed delusional thoughts that a man at work was pyscicslly bullying him by coughing , then it was anyone who coughed was doing it to annoy him, this went one for a year or more. I couldn’t even cough I had to make sure he couldn’t hear me or he would loudly imitate me or anyone who coughed.
Then he went and fought this man out , after 2 years of not seeing him my son turned up accidentally on purpose to this mans village and then later his door , the man then was vowed different by my son , my son started to say this man “taught” him about the real world etc etc, what I’m saying is he dropped that idea that the man was any harm to him and suddenly he was an ally, son would text him really unusual stuff about the mental health team, the hospital, my hubby car registration and our address etc . I’ve spoken to the man , he lives about 40 miles from us and he understands my son isn’t well and said he seemed to be looking to him for answers but answers to who knows what.

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I guess it’s nice that he thinks of the man in a more positive light now. I wonder what changed his mind? Maybe it was something he said when your son showed up at his door, or maybe it was nothing.

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I will never know , the man sounds s nice guy, his mum lived with him and she said to my son to come home as his parents must be worried about him.
I have no idea it was all a mystery as he went from saying he would see his day with this guy to saying “leave him out of it” when I spoke of him, the man was amazed when I told him his name was known in my house for a few years he had no idea why! I asked him did he have any issues with my son when he worked there and he said no that my son was a quiet young guy and he never had that much dealings with him. It was all very confusing. I know that from time to time (recently as 7 June) my son texts him his fears , he even told the man in the past his bank details, names of the staff at hospital when he was a patient, name of his community nurse and her car registration. All heartbreaking and bizarre,

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At least they were kind to him.

He probably has some “confabulations” about him. My son made up a whole intimate relationship that ended badly with a past therapist that he became infatuated with. It included a pregnancy & all kinds of things.

You never know who they’ll become attached to or why.

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Ahh sending my thoughts to your son, how’s he doing ? How does his typical day go?

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Right now, he’s doing OK.

They switched him to Clozapine during his last hospitalization & it’s keeping even, which is a relief compared to the major ups & downs with the Paliperidone injection.

He’s sleeping enough, but not too much. He had a crazy appetite at first combined with the new meds & getting home to real food instead of hospital food, but that seems to be calming down too.

He’s willing to take his meds, but has no insight and says they do nothing. He doesn’t have any big angry outbursts or major low depression points.

He doesn’t seem overly anxious, but I’m also not pushing him to go out in public - letting him stay in his comfort zone for now.

He’s still at a low dosage, so it’ll be a waiting game & I’ll hope for the same small improvements over time that so many here have seen.

But, right now, life is good. He doesn’t even mind the weekly blood work - I’ve combined it with a trip to Starbucks just in case, but he’s fine with it.

During the day, he doesn’t do much. Listens to music, watches TV, plays video games, helps me if I ask & he’s not feeling too tired to do it. He smokes a lot, jokes around some, talks about his delusions every day, but I’m hoping I see a decrease & it’s not my imagination.

I’m kind of scared to get too optimistic about it & jinx things.

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The last bit I know 100% how you feel, it’s almost like we really don’t want to tent fate , don’t want to get carried away for it to come crashing down, but in that I feel at times I miss the little plus points sometimes just though.

Sounds like what I would do i.e. Trip to Starbucks after his bloods. Wish my son would but for that reason won’t try clozapine as he wil not give bloods (he’s worried what they may do with it) like sacrifice or something, he heard that from someone in hospital.

Your son sounds quite even right now so here is hoping it continues with slow positive improvements.
Mine says it’s not even real meds he’s been injected with.
He had first drop of zuclopenthixol (clopixol) last week and gets next dose on fri when I have to go with him and also see his psychiatrist.

Hang in there and make the most of the happier days.

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I’m really hoping the change in meds make a difference for you guys.

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Thank you slw. Hope so too.

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When my son’s meds are working, he doesn’t have as many delusions. Before the meds, he was convinced by the voices that I was against him, had stolen from him, etc. With effective meds-often it takes trial and error to get them right, and as your son ages, they may have to be adjusted, but with the meds and therapy, my son does not show this animosity he had towards me, his sole caregiver. I am praying for your family, especially your husband. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it: "I am Not Sick I Don’t Need Help!

Book by Xavier Amador

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