Calling all cat lovers - these are the two kittens that I caught last Saturday. I was hoping to catch all 4, but the other 2 seem to have disappeared. I still feel like I am beating the odds by taking in these 2.
Sleeping outside is one of my life’s little pleasures. I live in a rural area and have a covered sleeping porch. I sleep outside from Memorial Day to Labor Day, weather permitting. I sleep so well as long as I’m warm. It’s like comfortable camping. My son used to like it too,
My son (age 22, found NGRI and committed to the State hospital for treatment) has his quarterly care conference next week at the hospital. He is doing so well and progressing along the program they have set for him. However, he has thought all along that when he is well, he will move back home and continue his plan to go to school. I had to tell him that I don’t think the court will allow him to move back to our community, let alone live with me (I am the “victim” of an attack by him and was injured). I don’t know what the future holds for him, but I want him to have a life and not live with me unless he NEEDS to.
That information was shocking for him because as he says “but I’m not dangerous now,”. I told him I agree, but we have to make sure that you never get to that place again. This has put a different spin on his therapy and I’m scheduled to come in for our first joint therapy meeting soon.
I’m still enjoying good weekly visits with him at the hospital but we haven’t talked much about the attack, except for him to say he was so sorry and my reassurance that I forgive him and love him and we’ll work through this.
So today I awoke from a good outside sleep (52 degrees last night) and am trying to imagine what that therapy session will be like. He’s come a long way but still has a lengthy journey. I’m hopeful and nervous at the same time…
I hope you can enjoy the time you have before daughter returns, but also gain a sense of peace that you will be prepared as best you can be for her return and realize that you can’t fix everything. What will she do when she gets home? Does she have any interests? Create a “safe” environment for her to share her feelings when she chooses to. You can tell her that you care about what SHE thinks and that it is important to you, even if you may not agree. Create some boundaries (self-care, chores, get a job) and make them clearly known before or when she first gets home, because you, also, have a right to feelings and what goes on in your home. You’ll have to consider what she is or is not capable of doing and what you are willing to tolerate given her illness. There has to be a way to enforce the boundaries (bribes?) or they are useless. You may decide to make adjustments along the way, but there has to be consequences for violating the established boundaries. In our situation, our son has to be medication and treatment compliant or he cannot live at home, because he has been in a hospital literally half of this last year. There are residential and treatment programs, some that are covered by insurance. Eventually, he may have to utilize government-funded options if he is still not able to be medication-compliant. He will have no income and he’ll qualify for Medicaid and likely for SSI benefits. We (parents) will help every way we can but we cannot facilitate a situation that allows him to fall back into such sickness that is life-threatening to himself, which is what will happen if he comes home and is not med-compliant.
This is another example of how hard it is to maintain healthy relationships with our loved ones with MI. We have to tell them things we really don’t want to, and things happen between us that are difficult to get past, either because of our own feelings or because of social or legal consequences. So hard. I’m sure it half-broke your heart to tell your son that it is not likely he can move back.
Please keep us posted. My heart goes out to you and I can relate, even though our situations are some different. I understand hope and nervousness. How great that he is in a program and continuing to receive meds and therapy that will help him better manage the illness. You still have a relationship with him and that is a blessing, too!
I think it’s too easy to fall into old patterns at home.
I wish I could keep my son safe at home, unfortunately, it’s not what he wants and I am beginning to believe that it’s not what he needs.
Sleeping porch and 52 degrees - oh nice!
Half broke my heart is right. The other half is glad that he’s not living here any more. The stress of the last five years has taken a toll on my health and I’m just now learning to live alone and like it, without the constant stress of single parenting a teenager who was heading down a bad path. I don’t want that level of responsibility any more. I’ve raised five kids, he is the youngest.
I don’t know what shape his life on the outside will take, but I think of the positive possibilities and am working on not worrying about what might happen. And I’m grateful for the care he is getting now.
What beautiful kittens!
They are adorable. Lucky babies!
Ahhh yes, the sleepless nights seem to come in waves. I’ve had a fair share and when I finally get to sleep the dreams happen. I hope you get a good night’s rest soon, AnnieNorCal
Thank you everyone who answered my posts, and for the general thread. It helps to make me smile. We all need more things to make us smile and distract us from the heavy-heartedness of schizophrenia care during the times filled with anxiety for our loved ones or ourselves.
@AnnieNorCal Yes, this wave of sleeplessness seems silly. I went to my natural pharmacist today (I’ve neglected her advice) and am going to take CBD capsules (slow release to help sleep) and passionflower regularly. Tonight, I got 5 straight hours of sleep before I woke up. Will take one more of each to try and return to sleep soon, along with Calm calcium magnesium drink. The Z-quil isn’t working again, time to take a break from that. I hope you are resting well.
@WAmac I totally understand your feelings about telling your son that he can’t come home. Sigh. That must be have been hard. But to me it seems totally sensible. (I didn’t know what NGRI was until I googled it.) I have hope that he will find his way and make a life for himself. Those of us who have raised our children and are nearing the sunset twilight of our own lives can only hope that they will do well in making their own futures.
@hope4us Yes, I guess it would help if I could sort out in my mind what is fixable and what is not fixable in my relationship with my daughter. I don’t feel prepared for her homecoming. I really have done little to prepare. Thank you for opening my eyes to that need so I don’t squander the opportunity. It is the best time to think out my scene and decide on what boundaries to put in. Your idea about bribes is a good one and makes me smile.
@hope I just wanted to acknowledge your many lengthy, very helpful, posts. I have started going back to look and read the earlier posts. So much good advice to sift through. I really need to sort and compile all of the advice to apply it to my own situation. I am glad your son is on his own and managing now. That is a success.
@Vallpen It is so kind of you to be involved with the neighborhood kitties like you are. There are so many homeless cats and what you are doing will help control the population in a positive way. It takes patience to reach the feral ones.
This is my goal, I feel guilty about it. I have figured out that my worrying hasn’t prevent anything yet.
Doesn’t mean I don’t care, I could not care more. Worrying is a different state of mind than caring.
I do love this general thread -
We are all on a journey - a miserable journey- and it’s made better by all of the friends we have here on this forum.
I am so grateful for all of you.
How am I? Okay I guess, I was just thinking about my son Lou, still awaiting his competency hearing. Like all of you on the site, truly grateful for your support and your stories, it helps me understand how many of us out there are heart broken.
I was trying to think of some encouraging words to write my son. We have never spoken of why he is where he is. I thought at one time he would mention his situation and we could discuss things. But from reading your post, I realize we may never have a real conversation, he may never be okay. No anger, no resentment, just acceptance and sadness. All part of the process. AnnieNorCal
Edit: nights are always the hardest, trying settle down and quiet the brain from over thinking.
Hello everyone! How am I doing today? When answering this question, my daughter’s well being is always part of the equation. I am ok. My dog, who belonged to my late husband, is having breathing issues. We went to the vet, diagnosis, a respiratory infection. My daughter does not like his belaboref breathing. She is doing fine. We we t to the psychiatrist Wednesday. He says she is stable, no follow up appointment now. I am grateful to hear that news. All Holidays have an element of sadness, without my husband, and my daughter, both of who loved the fireworks, is so different today. How is everyone else?
@Annie, i am sorry there are so many unknowns regarding your son, Lou. Once involved with the Chimal justen system, there are are delays, and added frustrations. Can you write him letters? Is he able to understand what you have to say? Even if the answer is no, you may want to write him a letter, and read it to someone else. Just a thought.
@AnnieNorCal, when our family member was ill and incarcerated, I sent post cards and a regular card at holidays. Following the institution’s rules. To connect in any way.
Once my son was delighted that we gave him a birthday card that said how proud we were of him. He was quite tickled, must have been a good day for it.
I am having a good day. We had company for the weekend and I made a discovery.
These particular friends go quiet when I mention Jeb. I wonder if its because they never knew him when he was well, or am I making them uncomfortable?
Even my messed up siblings responded much, much better recently than these close friends that became friends later in our lives. No pin dropping silence - I think my siblings get it which really surprises me. Maybe it shouldn’t surprise me, they are all pretty intelligent folks and we have been dealing with the bipolar elephants in the room all our lives from the time we were children.
I am starting to figure out who wants an update and who doesn’t need to know except infrequently. Even now, because things keep changing so quickly, I am scaling back on my text updates to some of the people I have been keeping updated. But many of these people are praying for our son and for us, so I really appreciate their involvement. @hope You mentioned that your friends are very quiet when you talk about Jeb. I wonder if they just don’t know what to say. Some people avoid topics such as grief or illness because they believe that it is painful for the person involved to talk about it, which is not at all true (although there ARE plenty of times when we welcome a diversion from the SZ world). If they are really good friends, perhaps you could just ask them sometime if your talking about it makes them uncomfortable, and then you can gauge what might be helpful to them and what your future conversation might best look like from there.