With this disease, I dread every holiday. My sz/bipolar son just makes it so hard this time of year. My birthday was yesterday and I spent it in the bathroom crying. The holidays and every “special” day are so miserable at my home. Sometimes its so hard to see other people having so much fun while we live in a nightmare. I wish that there was a safe place for my son to live. The stress is so unbearable sometimes.
7 Likes
I am so sorry Tippy, Happy Belated Birthday to you 
There were always packed rooms for the late November, December family support group meetings. It can be unbearable and then we wake up and do it again.
2 Likes
Wishing you strength for your birthday, and the prospect of happiness - or at least some peace and serenity down the road.
4 Likes
The Holidays are very hard when you have the constant stress of dealing with a loved one with schizophrenia. I hope my 29 year old son can find a safe place to live after he gets out of county jail. My son requires so much care and functions at such a low level that he would need supervised living. He is in jail because he went off all meds for last 7 months and went off the rails. Hugs to you and hopefully we can make it thru the Holidays. Happy belated birthday.
4 Likes
You are not alone! All of us with mentally ill loved ones know a particular kind of pain at this time of year. May you find solace in some form and take strength wherever you are able to. Hugs to you.
3 Likes
Hey Tippy,
You’re truly an angel for caring for your son. It sounds like you need to recharge if you can. Do something nice for yourself.
Deb
3 Likes
This is my first Christmas without my husband as he left end of October. He’s being hyper sexual online and I had the pleasure of seeing that today. I KNOW he’s in an episode but another part of me asks if I’m just
Making excuses. I have no idea where to go from here but the holidays HURT. my birthday is in two weeks and I doubt I’ll hear from him. I’m nothing. Not even a memory. Bitter pill to swallow.
I hear ya! My son also functions at a low level. He also needs supervised living. If there is such a place in Fl, I don’t know how to find it. Sending you a hug as you need it also. Thanks for sharing your story.
Only those of us that deal with this, can understand this struggle.
4 Likes
You are right about the Holidays Blow. I am tired of seeing everyone so happy! I love when the holidays are over! Lol
I spent Christmas 5000 miles away from my wife, with her having completely turned on me again in the last few days. I got one slightly negative comment towards me from a relative on Christmas day and I decided that was enough and I stayed in bed for the next 28 hours. I was meant to be flying out to see her for her birthday next month, but she told me to cancel the tickets (literally a few hours after I could actually get a refund).
I’m sorry your Christmas was so bad. I imagine many of us are particularly fragile right now.
Good that you got the tickets. You should go in any case. There is a chance you will be able to see her, even if it’s just a brief meeting. She will know you made the effort. Is she complying with meds? Any word from her relatives there, and therapists?
She is on the monthly injections now as she was struggling to comply with the medication. There were signs of a flip happening, and there was an destabilizing event that happened that was nothing to do with me that distressed my wife a little, and she started to make noises that I abuse her. There was then a conversation that she regards an argument about her making a very big financial decision. I really did not argue. I just broke down in tears as she was basically claiming a fairly large sum of money we had worked for together belonged to her by dint of it being in her account at this time. She told me she was moving it all into a restricted government account so she could apply for medicaid. I pointed out that as her spouse I could hold quite a lot of money without it being considered in the means test. I should not have even suggested it, but I was very wary about being manipulated, particularly as one of her family members had messaged me prior saying not to discuss financial matters with her, which made it all look like a fait accompli. She starting acting like I was trying to trick her. Then it was all “I don’t love you, you are just like a friend, I have never loved you”. I had literally bought her an Apple watch for Christmas a few days earlier and everything was sunshine and lollipops.
We have lost so much money this year as my wife has sunk into this terrible cycle. We were on the verge of buying a home at the beginning of the year. Now most of our deposit has been utterly squandered. One of the things that really hurts is that she was going through my expenditure over the years and saying I had been wasting money. I had really been trying to rein in the spending, and at the time she had been complaining about us not being able to spend more. Now she is literally complaining about me paying for our groceries and the reasonable expense of it, as if I had been splashing out all of the time. I was trying to tell her “that is how much things cost”. At one point she was saying she could not see how I could have spent more than £400 a month supporting us. We live in a property owned by a family member who was helping us out so we don’t pay rent, but we do pay all of the bills and ancillary costs. I was covering all of those bills so long as there was money in my account. For that reason she had built up savings in her account. £1600 is about what it costs us to stand still for a month. We had £225 in Council tax, Building rates (like HOAs) of about £100 a month, electricity of around £150 a month, £25 for internet, £80 for water just for starters, and then you have groceries and whatever other living expenses you have. She has never had to pay these things. I think she has it in her head that we just needed to pay £80 or so a week for food and everything else is just a little addon. I felt like she was punishing me for taking on the burden of those basic costs. Meanwhile she has spent thousands and thousands on a visa application she voided by leaving the country before it completed, rent she never took advantage of because she could only stay at the place for a few days before she got sick and was thrown out etc. One thing I did notice when she left was that my bank balance started going in an upward trajectory for the first time in months. If I pointed any of that out to her she would say I was throwing in back in her face. One thing that really go me was that she picked out a £100 spend at TKMaxx. I had bought some clothes for myself when I was out with her right before we went on holiday. I rarely spend money on myself, and I only bought a few things so I could look nice for her when we went on holiday a few days later.
I can not really afford to go and visit if I am not staying with her. I owe money that I would have paid out of what she was holding, so I can’t really spend the at least £2000 I’d need to find somewhere that was not a flea pit. She is in Palm County, so it is a bit pricey over there at the best of times.
same here , brought my daughter to see my wife on Christmas at her family’s home and she seemed like she was better , we decided to speak in private after complimenting her and her thanking me for all of my help , the switch flipped and she immediately blamed me and her family for her schizophrenia, called us all her abusers including our daughter. said shes being held hostage etc.
just sat there and took it , my daughter was furious when we got in the truck she turned to me and said “dad when she started that i wanted to stand up and say when your finished playing make believe and destroying our lives i would like to have some time with my real mother if thats ok with you”
i said you cant do that if you feel the need to do that
you grab me and we will go outside and you can yell at me all you want if you need to get it out of your system