Try to get the meds in him - or let things run their course? Opinions wanted!

I’d suggest pointing him to the forum.schizophrenia.com website. There are many people, young people who share their symptoms. It’s helped me gain insight by learning that many of us have the exact same or similar delusions.

1 Like

That’s not a bad idea - however, he’d have to acknowledge he has SZ to be willing to go use the forum. Right now, it might be just like the meds.

I will remember the advice for when he can use it - thank you very much for suggesting it.
And, thank you for letting me know there are people over there who have things in common with him. I hadn’t been over there to look for myself.

I’ve learned that the delusions all have the same theme, like somebody poisoning food, or devices implanted in your heads, people watching you, several others. I also have 20 year old children, who won’t listen to parents anymore, they don’t have a mental illness, they’re just young adults.

I get you - I know that he’d listen to anyone else more than me. He even listens to his dad more than me, but his dad is also not nearly as patient as I am.

I would like this new case management thing to try to take over the med management portion so I can get out of it. I’d much rather just talk to him, keep things low key, and let the experts know what’s going on if I think I have information to add. It’s not like they won’t be able to see most of what’s going on without my input anyway.

1 Like

I know you would never suggest jail.

It’s just that the illness really can get to the point of “danger to self or others” and if that point is reached, then there might not be a chance to go to the hospital.

Again, like you wrote, not in our control. Your advice and support is always excellent.

1 Like

Hi @slw – I sure do feel your pain. We have been going through this compliance thing with our son for 7 years. Here are a few of my thoughts on the subject:

A few years ago when the diagnosed forum was much more linked/involved with the caregivers forum, the subject was brought up about giving the meds unknowing to the diagnosed person. The consensus was 100% with those diagnosed that caregivers should never, ever do this. Their opinion was that If it is ever discovered, it would be the ultimate betrayal. And of course, it’s only a bandaid. That’s what I took away from the discussion, and as a result, as much as I wanted to sneak the meds into my son’s food, I never did.

I resorted to trying to reason with him, staying after him every day asking him if he took his meds. He would say yes, but I would find his pills on the floor, in the trash, etc. For us, things just had to run their course – decompensation – outlandish & unsafe behavior – several incidents where he was either put in jail & then would agree to go to hospital if we would bail him out, or where he was involuntarily committed (twice by us, once by Crisis Team and once by local police). The only time son has been “med compliant” was when pdoc put him on Invega injection while in hospital. He took injections for two years and then decided he was no longer going to do those and instead wanted to go on Abilify pills.

That’s where we are now. For the first time son is not living with us, but at a room & board home across town. When he was discharged from his last hospital stay, they found this place for him because things had gotten sooo bad we just could not let him live here any more. I highly suspect son is still not compliant because when I’m around him his talk is very delusional and non-sensical.

My suggestion would be to explain to your son that you will take away his high-value things if he is not properly medicated, and then follow through. Maybe you could try it and see if it works. Idk, it’s just the most difficult situation to be in. I still haven’t found the magic bullet. :confused: For us, after so many years of this merry-go-round we were on, we finally put our foot down and told him that since he is not properly medicated he cannot live with us.

That’s great y’all have an appt. with the caseworker. Sounds like some really good help if only your son will be receptive to it. :pray:

Best of luck to you all!

2 Likes

The ultimate betrayal - those were the words I was looking for.

I know it is, I know it’s not an ethical thing to do, but it’s where I am and what I’m going to do - for now, while I can.

All I can say to that is, while I don’t know what it’s like to be diagnosed, they don’t know what it’s like to watch someone you love who is diagnosed refuse treatment and go downhill so fast when help is there.

If they were in our shoes, maybe they’d do the same thing.

I think about it like this - if he wanted to jump off a bridge, I’d stop him if I could. Not taking his meds is pretty much the same thing, to me anyway.

I think I’m just prolonging the inevitable anyway, and we’ll be just like you guys eventually.

I’m not ready to start taking things away from him yet. I’ll get there, I’m sure. I’ve already adjusted my thinking a lot in the past 2 months. Right now, I’m going to buy as much time as I can until I see what this case management stuff is going to be like. If they can convince him to do things that I can’t. Maybe they will be able to?

And, if they can’t make it work, I’ll still be holding my last option in my pocket - taking things away.

1 Like

So true! …

1 Like

I think the hardest thing is the inconsistency. Tonight our son refused his meds again. He was improving and getting better. We have to learn to let it go. It’s very difficult to do that when you know what they face. I’ll try to get him on the other site and see if that helps him. It seems rational that like us, it would be great to share but often reason is left at the door.

1 Like

I think tricking people who are already not well grounded in reality is not an option. I have my own set of MI diagnoses. When people lie to me or keep things from me, I feel destabilized and that they are untrustworthy. What it feels like to me is that if people tell the truth and state facts, they are shoring up reality. If people are tricky and manipulative and keeping things from me, it’s even harder to try to figure out what’s going on.

That said, I failed to care for my family member. Mine are all just opinions and everyone’s different. If any of us knew what would work to decrease the suffering of our family members, we would all do it no matter what the ethical considerations are.

1 Like

What do people mean by “MI diagnoses?” I see that acronym here a lot, but I don’t know what it means.

1 Like

@Doctor I am pretty sure that… MI=Mental Illness

1 Like

I don’t disagree with you. I’ve tried getting him to take his meds every other way I can think of.

This isn’t what I want to do. I will admit that it might be a huge mistake, but there’s a chance that it won’t be, and that’s all I have right now. To me, a little chance is better than nothing.

And, no matter how hard I try, I can’t see just sitting there and watching him get sicker as anything but cruel.

I guess I should add that he’s dual diagnosis, so he will self-medicate with anything he can get his hands on. If he’ll do that, I can’t bring myself to feel guilty for slipping in something that might help.

3 Likes

@slw I think you are doing the right thing for your situation. My son is dual diagnosis too. Fortunately his drug seeking behaviors diminished greatly once he was on the right medicines and the voices and visions subsided. Still, if he lived on his own or controlled all of his own income, he would use again.

1 Like

Wow! I feel dumb now. Haha, thank you. To me MI has always been a myocardial infarcation, so I didn’t make the connection. I thought it was maybe a specific diagnosis and I’m used to saying “mental disorder,” instead of illness. When I think of illness I think of a physiological condition, but I’m aware that it can also be a mental or emotional one. I frequently have moments where people say a word, and I’ll be like, “What’s orange? What’s an egg?” because I often lose sight of things that I don’t normally see, use, or eat, and since I have Asperger’s when people say things initially it’ll translate into something literal. Like someone saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs;” first I’ll think of the words, then I’ll make a mental image, and then I’ll decipher what the person meant: “There’s heavy rainfall.”

2 Likes

My 24-year old son was completely against taking his meds. He’s been in the hospital three times. The last time, in May, they put him on Invega Sustenna (once a month injection). He started gradually improving and after a couple of months he was no longer having any delusions, voices, etc. They had a court-order to keep him six months if they wanted, but released him to us if he was med compliant. That kept him med compliant. Now that he’s much much better, I’ve been able to talk to him about what happened. I’ve explained what psychosis can do to his brain (scared him). “You don’t want to go back there ever,” kind of talk. There are other things I hold over him. If you don’t take your meds, the hospital will put you back, six months aren’t up. Also you can drive this extra car we have if you’re on meds. You can’t drive it if you don’t take meds. They will not give you social security payments if you’re not on meds (“ever”) and so you better stay on them or you won’t be able to move out (which he really wants to do). And…you cannot live with us any more if you’re not on meds and you’ll be on the street. His head is well enough that all these things are meaningful. He also takes Abilify by mouth once a day and I don’t have to fight him anymore. I go to all his appointments with him and make sure he gets his shot, sees his doc and case worker. None of this would be happening if he hadn’t gotten stable by taking the shot. My next step was I was going to pay him $50 or some amount every shot he took (as he had no income), and that would have been an incentive as well. Going to try to go to the 3-month shot soon (Invega Trinza) I really feel like I received a miracle. I can’t believe how well he’s doing. Now we’re working on the “negative” symptoms. Best to you.

3 Likes

@slw

Option 1 for me… My son has been hospitalized 3 times since last year in September. He would take his Meds on his own and then stop, 2 months later he’s back in the hospital. His last hospital stay was in April of this year. He stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks, he was put on the Invega shot which I liked, but he didn’t like it, so his doctor put him back on 3 mg at night… He took his medication on his own up to july 4th, then he stopped. He was heading back into another hospital. As a mother, I didn’t want to see my son go back into another hospital, so I started giving him his medication against his will to stabilize him. When I cooked dinner, I am putting it in his food. He is still stable. He also has a little insight to his illness because he will talk about the things he was doing, but if we bring up the things he was doing he doesn’t want to talk about it. This has been a long year for my family! My son has not been in the hospital in 7 months because he’s on his medication without knowing. My husband, daughter and myself have some peace at least for this moment. I really hate giving him his medication within him knowing, but I was desperate and just plain burnt out and tired. And I couldn’t take him going into another hospital.The only thing they will do is stabilize him and run up a hospital bill. I can’t tell him what I’m doing because I believe he will stop me from fixing his plates for dinner. He has a little insight of his illness but not that much for me to tell him. We feel your pain and we most definitely know want you are going through. Just do what’s best for your son. Hugs to you!

3 Likes

Oh and When my son is on medication, I can get him to go see his doctor and Therpist, but when he’s not on his medication I can’t get him to leave the house because of being parnoid and because he would say he’s not sick and he doesn’t need help. Now, He will reminds me about his appointment, (not that I forgets). He has never reminded me about taking him to his doctors appointments… I just helped him applied for his SSI in June, so now we are waiting for approval. He has an appointment with the ssa on last Wednesday . I waited 1 year before applying because I thought he would get better and go back to work but I don’t see that happening. As least not now… Hugs to all the family members of a MI loved one…

3 Likes

If you don’t mind me asking, what goes on in the pdoc’s office that you can get refills without him catching on?

2 Likes

When my son stop taking his medication on his own,He said he didn’t want to take the medication anymore because he wasn’t sick, so I continue giving him his medication in his food. I call my son doctor and explain what was going on and that he had stopped taking his medication again. On his next doctor appointment, He was stable and willing to go to his doctor and Therapist. His pdoc doesn’t write prescriptions out anymore. They call refills in by phone to the pharmacy…so my son go to his appointment and the doctor talk to him and ask him how he’s doing and he say “I’m doing good”. She ask him do he need a refill and he will say yes knowing he’s not taking it. He thinks he’s fooling her, but she knows he’s not taking it in his own. My son has a nice and understanding doctor. She has a brother who’s sz and understands…what I do is… I don’t go to the parmarcy with my son in the car. I pick up his medication on my way home from work on the next day…I know it’s not the right thing to do and his doctor doesn’t recommend it, but I’m doing all I can to keep him out of the hospital and to keep him from being homeless… because when he’s not on his medication we can’t stand to be in the same house as he and everyone one be so stressed out!.. several parents on this forum said they did that to their loved ones and after they was stable and on the medication for a while they told them what they did and their loved one Thank them for doing it… I gives him hints. I will say things like you haven’t been in the hospital in 7 months since you been taking your medication. Then I will say. I love you and I will do anything to keep you out the hospital… I know a lot of people are against what I’m doing, but what a parent to do? The MI system is broken and parents are desperate. I don’t know how long it will last, but I’m going to ride it to the wheels fall off… hugs to you

2 Likes