I came to this site as Savanna back in 2008, and found lots of helpful friends. Son N had been through a lot since then, so have I. Three years back he shoved me hard (painful fall) and he got jailed (second jailing for aggressing me). On probation for the past 3 years, though, he’s been lovely, on meds (Abilify Maintana shots).
He’s mostly always shared my 2-bedroom flat in San Francisco, on or off his meds; there are now no there relations (his dad left the USA permanently) and my son has no personal friends. I’m 65, single, and a very protective sort of mom; N is now 35.
As soon as son’s probation ceased in September he decided to go off meds, which I only just learned now when he refused his due injection. He’d been doing well on just 300 mgs every 10 weeks - such a modest dose compared to what others report taking; but still he believes the dose harms him.
Also he’s 100% lacking insight no matter how many arrests, hospitalizations and evidence point to his illness.
So here’s what I want feedback about: The caseworkers are pressuring me again to make him move out of the flat as I’d initially told my son I would do if he refused meds post-probation. I find I cannot do it. N’s SSI is way too low to pay for a crappy hotel, never mind feed him and support his pot, tobacco, and soft drink cravings. I cannot afford to supplest him, being retired on a limited budget. N’s payee has been sending me rent, which covers what I spend on him at home.
I am angry that the case management will be dropping him, that they are not apparently drafting him into a Laura’s Law court-ordered AOT program - for which he amply qualifies but seem to expect me to initiate such a program - which will only make me N’s adversary all over again.
I think the probation-appointed case management should handle this. Also, from past experience I know that making N homeless is a no-win proposition - also suggested strongly by the case management, who accuse me of “enabling” my son. He’d be flat broke, vulnerable to violence and simply deteriorate while he decompensates.
Also, he’d be at my door night and day begging to come home or just use the bathroom.
Although I am dreading the prospect of his decompensating again at home, I feel it’s a better option than tossing him out. People are saying that’s wrong-headed. How wrong-headed is it? Am I wrong-headed?
When off meds N gets very loud, shouts out at neighbors, and can almost randomly aggress me if I confront him even in small ways, say, request he leave the house if he’s going to shout. I cross my fingers that he gets a psychiatric arrest again or effect one myself, need be - and there have been multiple such arrests.
Please reply with what you other parents would do in my position.