I had a meltdown today because we got unexpected news. I’m still very anxious and on edge as I type this. All I want to do is run away.
The hospital called earlier today and dropped a bomb on us, saying they are releasing E TODAY. Two days early. I wasn’t ready for this. Emotionally or logistically. I thought we had until Sunday.
We asked about E’s condition. The good news is they got E to agree to an injection yesterday on the basis that E would be released sooner if E cooperated. (We just didn’t know how soon it would be!) Apparently the disorganized thought is better and E is more coherent and able to stay on topic. But the paranoia is still present, though according to the nurse it might not be as severe.
My sister picked E up because I couldn’t cope. I wanted to be there for them both but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. My anxiety is through the roof again.
She tells me the ride home was quiet, except that E asked to look at a local construction site to see if they were working on the gas lines. That tells me E’s paranoid delusions about the gas is still present, which makes me think probably a lot of E’s other paranoid delusions are also still there, which ramps up my anxiety even further and makes me feel extremely unsafe because of the ways E tends to behave when paranoid/delusional.
Every little sound I hear in the house now makes me anxious. Adrenaline spikes are back.
I don’t feel safe here. I don’t. And I feel like a bad person for not wanting to deal with this. I wasn’t ready. I’m not ready. I was having a hard enough time before all this hit the fan, with my own struggles with life and everything. I am overwhelmed and I just want to flee. I can’t live like this.
@NeedAnswers Sounds like you might be suffering from trauma from everything. How is your sister holding up? Things won’t go well if you aren’t doing well yourself emotionally. Do you feel responsible for E? Can you reach out to your other family members? I really feel for you. I wish the hospital wouldn’t be so quick to release patients without them being completely stable.
Can you work on a plan for you and your sister to live somewhere else? Or for E to live somewhere else? There is housing available for those suffering from mental illness that are currently taking their medications.
I’m struck with how similar this likely is to E’s experience. E have less resources and opportunities to find relief from their experience. Consider this an opportunity to empathize with E and perhaps you can share a recovery as the injected medication takes hold.
When my daughter went on her monthly injection, the paranoia, delusions and hallucinations were better, but not gone. And the effect of the shot began wearing off before the next one was due, so the 2nd monthly shot almost didn’t happen due to the extreme paranoia, but it DID happen, and it DID help right away.
E will probably get better as the shot takes hold over the coming days/weeks, and after the 2nd and 3rd injections, which I hope E will get.
If you show as much care and support as you can, and make it OK for the next injections to happen, E may be on an uphill slope to much less active symptoms. I hope so. The uphill slope is much better than the downward decline.