Want to move out of state with sz son

We moved out of state with my grandson. Got him on Clozapine first.miracke drug for him. He has been working full time 6 years now and making friends

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That’s very encouraging!! How old is your grandson? My son is 36 and was diagnosed at the age of 20. He’s s been taking Risperdal all these years. He doesn’t have symptoms except that he doesn’t go outside. Once in awhile I can talk him into going for little walks down the street with me or I drive him to the 7 11 and we go in to buy something. Before the pandemic he would go to his doctor and therapist once a month, but they’ve basically shut down. I be tried everything over the years except making him go to group homes. He went to a program for mentally ill people and the guy running it wasn’t trained properly and had them watching inappropriate movies so I didn’t send him back there, then I had a case worker who also was strange, then he had someone coming who was nice but she quit after a couple months. He had a guitar teacher come to the house which was a Godsend, but he got married and stopped the lessons. So it’s just me now. I try to do all kinds of activities with him, I’m tired…

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Hi,
My son was in a group home, but he did things that were not acceptable (like throwing things into trees). And he was kicked out.
I was able to buy an inexpensive 1 bedroom house… split the large bedroom into 2 bedrooms and rent the extra bedroom to 2 homeless friends of his (married couple) that are barely functional.
They pay $400 a month… I pay all utilities and help out here and there.
Not a money maker for me… a labor of love… but we got two homeless people off the street. They had lived under a bridge for 4 years in Cincinnati.

Ideal situation would be if other person/couple had a supportive family too.

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Hello RoseofSharon, your son and my daughter sound just alike she is 30, she is in a group home right now to get her meds figured out. I miss her so much everyone says I have empty nest syndrome. But at the same time I understand how trying to keep her entertained and as full of life as she will allow wears a person out. It would be nice to have a place where the children could go a couple days a week, with nice caring setting, that would keep them entertained not treat them as children but also understand the illness. oh well its a nice thought.

I’m sorry you miss your daughter. And I hope her meds will be straightened out too. I often wonder if I should have sent my son to a group home. I feel so guilty all the time!! Time has gone by quickly now he’s 36 almost 37, never had a girlfriend, never drove a car, never did anything. He did learn to play the guitar and he’s good. I used to talk him into going to the park and play it outside. Once a little crowd gathered to listen. But he won’t do that anymore. Maybe it’s a blessing your daughter went to the group home. I hope you can visit her…thank you for sharing your story. It’s so nice of everyone to respond. It’s new to me to have people to communicate with who understands…

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Thank you and I really appreciate your comments, Its hard having her in a home and truthfully if she was stable on meds, I would be having her at home with me, which I realize is very selfish of me. For the reasons you stated. She has never been an outgoing person, she has no friends except me and the cat, I’ve always considered her a best friend. And I do see all the things I’ve done wrong. (too protective) or not protective enough. Hindsite is always that wonderful thing when it come to parenting. I know I am still learning. And I am sure your son is a wonderful person, with a wonderful and (learning also) mother.

I don’t think that’s selfish to want her home. It’s very confusing and scary and all we can do is our best. And if you chose to have her move back home only you know what’s right for your child. I have had some people say it’s been good what I’ve done, and others say it’s wrong. Who really knows? My son is a happy guy. He’s always joking and when he was sick I didn’t think I’d ever see him smile again. That’s why I’m so scared to uproot him by moving. Thanks again, hang in there!! I know how upsetting it is not to have your daughter with you. When my son was in the hospital I didn’t think I’d make it…

There is. It’s called Clubhouse International. It’s all over the place. I like going. It’s for people with severe mental illness

Zannah, looked it up and there are none even close to us, but I see its also an online thing also. I looks like there is a lot of info on the site that can be useful thank you.

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I’m bummed it’s not near you. That’s too bad.

He will be 30 this year. Diagnosed when he was around 20

My husband and I are in a similar situation. We want to move and I don’t want my son coming with us. I read a post about a group home and I don’t know where those are in my area. My son can be violent and very verbally abusive, no one would want him. We keep thinking about our demise and what will happen to him and I am starting to think the options are homelessness or prison. Good luck in your quest and I hope you can find some good answers.

Hi Tippy,
My son was violent (he knocked my husband’s teeth out) and was very dangerous. I managed to have him sent to a psychiatric hospital involuntarily. They got him on the right meds and the social worker offered to have him placed in a group home. We didn’t do that, but perhaps if you could hospitalize your son that could help. Also where I live they have the department of mental health. Look into that, there may be similar agencies where you live. I got started with NAMI they were so helpful. That’s the national alliance for the mentally ill. Look it up on the internet for your area. I never thought my son would be stable but now he is. Stay strong

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I wish we had a clubhouse around here! I wonder if I could get together with some other parents and start one.

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That would be really cool if you could. It’s a great place to be.

Hi Rose of Sharon,
My son has been Baker Acted 4 times. Not one single time did he get med stabilization. Each and every time they said he wasn’t violent anymore, come pick him up. Social worker? Haven’t met one yet. I don’t know where you are from, but where I live it seems we are on our own. My experience with NAMI hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. I am looking for living arrangements for my son. NAMI refers to other agencies that have not returned phone calls. I am trying to stay strong, but most days I am feeling helpless and scared. Thanks for your reply.

Aren’t there any state hospitals where you live? My son could con people at times too. I would take him to doctors and counseling and they’d think he was ok. How things finally changed was I got him to the emergency room when he was having a psychotic episode. Even then they tried to tell me they couldn’t do anything. Well I said how will he get help?? Does he have to kill me to get help?? I found not many healthcare workers know much about this illness. If you can somehow get him to the ER when he’s having a bad episode, and demand he go to the psychiatric hospital that can do it. Tell them you’ll call the news media threaten Facebook any of that.
If you can’t handle this now, maybe call the state hospital and ask them for help locating housing. It’s tough now cuz of the pandemic there are staff shortages and that could be why your call are going unanswered. Don’t give up!! If you choose to move away maybe you can try these options in the future. This may sound stupid to you, but I prayed to St.Jude. I was born Catholic but hadn’t been to church in many years. I know it was St.Jude who helped us. I prayed a novena (9 day prayer) and on the 9th day my son was sent to the hospital. God is with you…

Thank you for your reply. He has been to the hospital, then they send him to the psych unit for a few days and tell me to pick him up. He’s all better, they say. I pray every day for this to get better. I don’t know where the long term psych hospital is. It must be one of the world’s best kept secrets. I can’t give up, its a constant reminder every day. I feel helpless.

Do a google search for state mental hospital in your state. Another suggestion is next time you fear for your safety, call police and explain he needs to go to the ER, then tell the attending physician, what’s been going on that you fear for your safety and he needs to be transported to the state mental hospital. I was all alone too and still am. You can get through this! I looked on the internet and every state has a state mental hospital. I found that if you don’t have insurance they aren’t as willing to help out. So I got my son on disability. That’s another topic which is also a tough one.

These are real issues for us parents. My daughter has had the illness a long time too. This is the only home she knows, and feels safe here. A,so, she receives medical, and I receive funds to be her caregiver in this state. I understand if I move, this may cease, and I will definitely have to reapply. That being said, I am retired now, snd after my daughter’s father, my husband passed away, it is us here. It would be ideal to move to where the grandchildren are, she refuses to go. This can be exhausting. Maybe take your son there for a visit, a d see how he transitions. Good luck

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