What do you do when your adult psychotic daughter is ranting and raving and you have to go to work and leave her alone in the house? And when you have to go out of town for a day and a night and leave her alone in the house? My 28 year old daughter is on her meds but it doesnt seem to matter much. What do I do when I have to live my life and when nothing I do or don’t do doesnt help her? Meds don’t help her.
Hi Katee. It’s an awfully stressful situation when they’re really sick and unstable, and yet we have to leave them. What will happen without our supervision is anyone’s guess.
When our son was very ill, we bought Canary cameras that allowed us to watch what was happening at home, via a phone app. I also eventually ended up taking a leave of absence from my job, but I certainly understand that’s not an option for everyone.
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And another thought, since you mentioned she is actually on meds…
Without being a fly on the wall, I know it’s difficult to know for sure, but do you think your daughter would rant if you weren’t there at home with her. I’m not at all trying to be coy. It’s just that caregivers tend to be subject to and see the brunt of the over-the-top behavior. At least that’s what I’ve read and experienced. I’m just asking.
Just please know you’re not alone.
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I think thats a good question! Im sure she might a bit. She gets wored up on Facebook sometimes. But its as if she has been savingup rants waiting for me to come home
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Yes @Katee, social media or playing Xbox cause a lot of anxiety and can become triggers when our son is going through a delicate phase. He’s actually starting to realize this and now avoids these activities when things are getting rough. This is good, but it’s just hard to see him do absolutely nothing.
Hi @Katee, In short, do what you need to do.
During the worse parts of my family member’s illness, I was in luck in that I was able to stop working outside the house and to stop traveling. When I made these decisions, I knew I would have to keep making choices based on both my basic needs and my family member’s need for medical treatment.
This saying comes up a lot here: we did not cause the illness, we cannot cure it, and we cannot control it. Neither can our ill family members. So whatever we can actually choose and “control,” we do get to make those choices.
When I did have to leave sometimes during worse cycles of the illness, I locked up any means of self harm and all of my breakable things I could gather that had sentimental value. I always left some kind of healthy food in the fridge and was polite with my family member, telling them where I was going and when I would return.
Another thing you can do is release yourself from all sense of guilt for your beloved child’s illness. You can provide support, care, resources, whatever you choose. The illness is not your fault and it’s not her fault.
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I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. I understand when you walk in the door after a long day of work and have no idea what you will deal with. One of our doctors said that when the caregiver becomes sick and has to take a break for self care, many times the ill family member will step up and show more appropriate behaviors, that is until the caregiver is healthy again and the ill family member will revert to their symptoms again. I remember when I was sick with bronchitis my ill family member really stepped up and kept the house running with laundry/dishes/trash/meal prep chores. But then once I got better they reverted. Our dr said that can happen for short periods of time. Maybe when you are out of the house she will be ok? Just be ready for her when you walk in the door. Other posters here have very good ideas too.
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Has she tried clozapine?
Not all meds will be effective for different people. It can take time to find the right one or combination. I know people who have tried over 10 and still have symptoms. Clozapine is the last resort so they say but it has worked miracles for some people
Thank you to everyone for your shares and ideas. I am finding my way in this new normal. Knowing you all are on similar journeys makes it a bit easier.
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Hi Katherine please feel free to share other ideas for new people here like me 
Edit Thank you in advance.
After 22 years of my son living at home, I finally had to place him in a Board and Care Facility here in Los Angeles. I couldn’t trust him to not leave the burner on the stove on, etc. He poured bleach all over my furniture and other household items. Maybe even hurt the dog. His Board and Care has 24 hour staff, three meals per day and they supervise medication. It has taken a huge strain off of me. I go visit him once a week and we have breakfast together. He really whined and complained about going to the Board and Care but now he likes it and is used to it. An alternative to consider!
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I’m glad you have found a good alternative that gives both of you a chance to live your own lives while still enjoying each other’s company on a regular basis. Finding the right place can be hard to do, but can be a benefit for everyone.
That sounds great15252
I wish I can release myself from the guilt. I am always thinking what will happens to him when I am no longer in the world.
He was discharged from a Hospital in CA last year in March and was doing better than now. he started degrading and not taking his meds like 7 months ago. I am now grinding his meds in fruit juice or food. it is stressful. he is hallucinating sometimes., I keep hoping that one day he may get back close to normal. I know these are wishes that may not come true… praying always…