Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

What should i do with my husband?

I have been married for one year and a half and everything was fine up for us now he’s been having delusions and his just believing all this unreal stuff. the first time his father signed for involuntary commitment when he got out he was fine but too much medication and the covid-19 we could not follow up to change his meds or adjust so now he’s been off his meds for few months and delusions are starting again he believes that from surgery he had 4 years ago there are stuff that’s i left inside his body if I don’t agree with him he gets mad at me and no one will help me to sign the petition now it’s left up to me to sign a petition should I do at with he be mad at me after wards what should I do please help. He was experiencing bad tardive diskinease so i thought it was fine to stop meds…he was going to stop anyways…now the original petition is expired and nowi is left up to me to sign one. I am scared he is going to be mad at me. What should i do…he thinks he is going to sue the hospital that did his surgery and get settlement…crazyness…just waste of time…he spends hours writing demand letters. He think everyone is against him. Please give me some advice

Hi , sorry to hear your troubles . Firstly meds should never be stopped without consulting with his doctor . if he is not willing to take meds then i guess you have no choice to sign that petition in order to help him . you can perhaps consult with the doctor that prescribed the meds to him and he may adjust them for him . My son is trying to sue his last doctor as he believes she injected a substance inside him that shrunk his muscles and caused him not to have kids and its the same for me when i don’t agree he gets really mad at me too so i try to avoid that subject all together but thats hard too as lately he wants me to get involved and help him find a lawyer to write his third complaint as the judge dismissed the first two . It draining !!! for me and him . Hang in there :pray:

Thank you so much for your input but this is my husband , he will not take medication . it is a little different I guess isn’t it I don’t know it’s like should I leave him should I stay with him do you think he will be mad if he finds out that i sign the petition.

You know the only be married one and a half years and dealing with schizophrenia was the last thing I would imagine I had to do when I got married

I am sorry Roya that you are in this situation with your new husband. You are at the beginning of a possibly very long journey in trying to help your husband with his sz if he doesn’t want help. If he agrees to medicate on a medicine that is successful, things could change for the better rapidly. I hope that happens for you.

There are people on this forum whose spouse has the illness and maybe someone will answer specifically about caring for a husband with sz. However, the symptoms of the disease are similar whether it is a son, daughter, husband, mother, etc. Battling the hallucinations (voices usually) and the delusions (strong beliefs you cannot change) is extremely hard for the caregiver, and often is life-disrupting.

My own history with my adult daughter changed me into a supporter of forced hospitalization and medication. I realized that my daughter was never going to stay on medication on her own. It pained me very greatly to take efforts to force her, but now she is almost 2 years stable and doing well overall. The psychosis she was suffering from early 2016 to early 2019 prevented her from living life and holding a job, and made living in my own home a nightmare as she was up most nights talking/screaming/disturbing the peace in the house. There were 5 forced hospitalizations total, until she stayed medicated after a judge ordered meds after her 2nd arrest. She never really got and stayed mad over her hospitalizations or arrests after she was released, and she always came home even after I called the police on her to get her committed. However, the person has to agree to stay on meds after they are released, and that is always uncertain until their future unfolds, after the forced hospitalization.

No one here will judge you whether you stay or leave your husband, and asking questions here is a great way to see how others have handled their loved one’s illness.

3 Likes

Yes I believe he will be mad at you but sometimes in life you have to do things that a person won’t like or understand in order to help them . If you really love him and plan to stay with him then you need to understand yourself that this is a life time disease . Part of this illness is not knowing you are sick Anosognosia . He really believes he does not need meds , just like my son and many others . The main deal breaker ,even if you file the petition , is for him agreeing to stay on the meds . The only reason my Son stays on his meds is because the FLHSMV will revoke his drivers license if he does not comply with the doctor and that took a lot of effort on my behalf to do . This disease is just as debilitating for you as it is for him . Hang in there !

3 Likes

@Linda how did you get the drivers license to get suspended if he doesn’t comply with medicine? What agency does this?

Various states ask about mental health status when applying for and renewing drivers licenses. In this case I believe it’s Florida. Depending on how you answer you can have your license restricted or revoked. It’s akin to restrictions on age-related diseases like dementia. My mother, who never had a particularly good memory, years ago had an accident and they made some inquiries to her doctor who once tried out a supportive Alzheimer’s drug on her even though she didn’t have the disease in hopes of improving or preserving her memory, and they restricted her license. It took concerted and considerable effort to get the restriction lifted. She had to go to her State capital and get specialized testing.

So about 3 years ago My son had a bad car accident and thank Gd no one got hurt but that was a wake up call for me .Once he got diagnosed and refused meds I secretly reported him anonymously to the FLHSMV and explained i was afraid he was a danger to himself and others on the road so every year they send a form for him to give to his psychiatrist to fill in and send back to them . It is clearly written that if he does not comply with his psychiatrist his license will get revoked . A written report saying he is doing well and is able to drive safe . LIFE SAVER !

2 Likes

walk, start a new life far away…

I donot have the guts to tell my husband i signes the petition. He calls from hospital and i didnt give straight answer …i am worried he will hate me…how do i handle when he calls tomorrow and wants to know was it me that signed the petition or " those people" that trying to hurt him are framing me too…cause thats what he kinda thinks that it wasnt me even if he sees papers he can think i al being framed …how do i handle this??? What should i say to him ?

I had never heard of this! Very interesting, to say the least! But this is not applicable in the state where I live, and thankfully, my loved one does not need it. But he once WAS non med-compliant, and now he IS med-compliant! There IS hope!

1 Like

You can learn how to communicate effectively by listening for the feelings he is having without directly answering such a question. I’m not sure what your “petition” is for, but, for example, “It must be very disconcerting to believe that you are being asked to do something that you don’t want to do.” or “I can see that you are very angry.” When the person feels HEARD, they tend to become more cooperative. There is a lot more to it, but perhaps this will give you an idea. I have used it; it works. There is an entire chapter on communication, and much other useful information to help our loved ones and to help ourselves, in the no cost NAMI Family to Family Class. I do not know anywhere else to get this information all in one place.

1 Like

Hi, @Roya20 . I do hope that things have worked out for you and your husband. If you HAVE to answer difficult questions, it may be best to do it in a public place, like on a walk, or sitting in a restaurant, where others are around. It can tend to “tone down” what could be an angry reaction.

I have sort of become good at answering a questions with a 1/2 answer or not really an answer at all to avoid a tender subject. But if you start out with “you know I love you…” or “you know, I only want what is best for you…”

Is there a NAMI near you? Have you read “I’m not Sick, I Don’t need Help”? You have to work out what advice might fit your situation. I wish you the best.

So I finally told him that I signed the petition and now he’s been in treatment for about 3 weeks and he’s a totally different person now he agrees that he needs to be on medication he’s supposed to come home this Thursday we’ve been talking everyday and I have my old husband back I just hope it continues to stay they have him on invega instead of Risperdal and it’s has done miracles way better drug in my opinion

2 Likes

Oh I am so thrilled to hear your good news! It gave me goose bumps to read your post and I am smiling now for you both. Yes, the correct medicine or combination can make all the difference. If he can see that he needs to be on medication, that is an extra bonus for sure, as so many with this illness still don’t see that they NEED the medication. I doubt that my daughter would continue her shot if I didn’t take her there every month. I know she NEEDS it, and for now, that is enough for us. I hope your husband continues to do well on Invega. There are regular improvements over time for my daughter. Good for you for finding a way to tell your husband about your petition too. That is probably a weight off your mind.

Thank you so much but I still have my doubts a little but i will definitely keep in touch and keep you informed of the progress once he gets out , thank you for responding. Is it really makes my day just to see that someone can hear me and Reads my concerns that replies back to me thank you again

2 Likes

Wonderful news !!! That must be a relief for you . Very happy to read your post . Keep well :pray:

1 Like