I’m really sorry to hear things are so difficult.
Delusional states are really frustrating because they are fundamentally very irrational.
Clearly, it’s confusing and upsetting that your husband thinks you would betray him. I imagine the delusions are equally confusing and upsetting for him. Neither of you deserve to go through this.
Unfortunately, the theme of starting treatment and medication, then stopping is common to schizophrenia.
While the medication does come with side effects, I personally believe seeking brand changes and adjusting the frequency and method of therapy is a lot more productive than stopping treatment all together. I’m sure most family and care givers would agree, but those who are diagnosed often attribute very negative feelings toward treatment, especially during psychosis or when experincing delusions.
This was certainly a battle my brother fought for a long time. There were many occasions where my brother suddenly began to lose his trust in me. He felt suspicious, persecuted and like he needed to defend himself by becoming withdrawn from family and society.
Those were really stressful times. I tried to meet these struggles with consistent, even tempered tone of voice and attitude. I think that a person’s delusions and hallucinations are often very chaotic and swing from seeming very encouraging to becoming a source of torment very quickly. By being consistently reassuring that he didn’t deserve to feel persecuted and he shouldn’t have to struggle to make it through each day, he might eventually see me as a sorely needed source of predictability and security.
Obviously, this is a long-term approach that depends entirely on the diagnosed person eventually deciding they want someone to help them, or to confide in someone they trust completely. It won’t work as long as they are convinced by their delusions that you’re the source of their despair.
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. And I know that your husband will eventually appreciate all the hard work you are doing to try to help him regain his sense of security and better quality of life.
I know from the experiences my brother has shared with me that your husband can recover and his true, charming personality is still there. Right now, the delusions and possible hallucinations have a very real, very serious effect on him. They are experiences that are confusing and upsetting, possibly disturbing.
Keep looking for opportunities to help him reason through his delusions. If he asks you what you think about X philosophical theory, or Y conspiracy theory… Calmly voice that you disagree and give some simple reasons why those things aren’t true. If he accuses you of doing something to harm him which definitely isn’t true, calmly voice that and give simple reasons why it wouldn’t happen. If he voices frustration with something you have done, however outlandish, calmly state that you didn’t mean any harm and you don’t intend to upset him.
He’s probably enduring a lot of turmoil. It’s probably been going on for longer than you could have known.
If you can, reach out to other family members. Ask them to try to learn and understand the diagnosis and to help you form a web of support for your husband and yourself.
Things can turn around.
I’ve seen my brother regain much of his personality and a lot of his quality of life recently. I attribute it to a combination of his own strength and the effective web of support among family members.