What would a normal parent do?


#1

Or what would a parent normally do??

The kid sis did not come home last night. She spent the night with a friend. I know she wasn’t kissing a boy or getting up to teen mischief. I almost wish she was a little.
So when I asked her “What in the world, coming in a 5:00 a.m??” Blood on the clothing and looking like a drowned rat…

She said she was just doing some necessary designated driver and stormy weather friend duties.

A 17 year old friend of hers ended up drunk at a frat party, with a guy who wouldn’t take no for an answer. My kid drove all the way to the other side of the South Campus (Way south Seattle) in this storm, got her friend out of the frat party gone wrong, and got pulled over a block away for a field sobriety test. Passed. Almost got taken in due to the underaged half naked drunk girl in her back seat. Tried to sober the friend up and take her home. Friend didn’t want to go home, so my kid took drunk friend to the older brothers house… in West Seattle… all the way out to the Far point.

There is blood on the kids clothing because drunk friend decided to cut her self up with a pocket knife. Kid sis knowing first aid had to do some bandaging. The drunk friend also puked a lot in the back of the kids car. Kid Sis predicted this however and lined the car seats and back floor with garbage bags. But still, that smell isn’t going to fade soon.

I HATE my kid sisters friends sometimes and I know that NORMAL parents would not put up with a kid coming in at 5:00 a.m. She’s not a prevention help line, and she’s not cab and she’s not a family councilor. How do I convince my kid sis she’s getting in over her head?

Parental advice any one?


#2

i know it can be a tough call, however she (your kid sis) sounds like a stand up girl, i know you may feel she should not have done what she did, and putting herself at risk by venturing out into not so welcome weather, but you should give her credit for being that caring, not too many people out there would do that, i know your view is valid, you do not want her to get tangled up into something beyond her control, you sound like an awesome brother and seem like you would go to the “ends of the earth” for your baby sis, have you let her know how your feeling about the issue? Wait just a little bit, write down the pro’s and con’s of what happened, let her know that you are concerned and worried about her actions, even though she was trying to help, but that she is your #1 concern and how she felt about her friend is exactly what you were feeling about her, but worse as she is your family. Hope this helps a bit.


#3

As the mother of a teenage girl. I would be upset but at the same time I would be proud. If my daughter was in the same situation as your sister’s friend then I would be thankful that someone took the time to take care of her as your sister did her friend. My daughter was always putting herself out there like that. We want the world to be a better place and it’s people like this that will help make it so. I know you are scared for your kid sis. Be proud of her for sticking by a friend in need. Maybe ask that if this type of situation happens again that she ask for some extra help, from another adult, in dealing with it rather then dealing with it on her own. That way you can be assured of her safety and she still gets to be the awesome friend that she is. Many a night I sat up waiting for my daughter as she would make sure all of her friends got home first. And yes ‘normal’ parents do put up with this.


#4

Clyn and BarbieBf

Thank you for ideas. I am trying to let go a little and be calm. I really don’t understand how or why broken person after broken person finds their way to her door. It’s like that “Lifeguard On Duty” sign never turns off. (Yes, she really is a lifeguard; beaches in summer and pools in winter) Because of that, I think she feels that nothing is beyond her control.

Her friends call her a goodie-two shoe, they give her a hard time for not drinking or doing drugs. Then when they overdose, or get too drunk they call her and expect her to clean up the puke so to speak. I’m trying to encourage her to get rid of her friends and make new ones.


#5

Not drinking or doing drugs with everyone egging her on to do so, takes a lot of strength, be very proud of her.


#6

Thank you for that. I am really proud of her. It’s sad that she’s so adult at 17. But in a way, our little family works out fairly well.

She’s my best friend as well as my kid sis. She even has a teacher who is giving her a hard time about not doing drugs and calls her a goodie-two shoe.


#7

The teachers an ass… I do see a pattern of her trying to help everyone. I wonder if she can break the pattern? I don’t know. And find good, stand-up friends who don’t need too much help. They’re out there. I guess she’s just a nice person but she has to understand she can’t save the world and it’s likely that one of these days that one of the these people she tries to help is going to get her in SERIOUS trouble. Or drag her down. Her ‘friends’ who call her a goody two shoes are going to wear down her resistance. Not good. I’ve seen it happen and probably you have too. It starts out innocently with one puff off a joint, maybe one beer. Then two. Then a few hits. Then getting drunk. Before you know it…The unfortunate thing is…drugs and alcohol are fun at first. For most people who do them. It’s got to be said plain out, it’s looked on as ‘cool’. I’ve been there, I thought smoking crack was cool. I thought it was fun and cool. But it gave me a life-long addiction that I have to deal with. Not cool after all. And ANYONE can become addicted as easily as me. I never would have thought in a million years that I would be a crack/coke addict. …Me? No way. But here I am. Paying the consequences. I don’t want to see anyone follow in my path when it comes to drugs. Like I’ve heard a thousand times in CA and AA from other addicts : hey, I did the research for you. DRUGS DON’T WORK. What’s cool is holding a job (good for her), going to school (good for her again), and hanging out with law abiding, responsible people who are productive, participating members of society. Hey, I’m doing it the best I can even with schizophrenia. I got a tenacious hold but I have a disability I have to deal with. Like all of us here do. But she’s lucky she has a whole brain and I sincerely hopes she keeps using it to better her life. I would say all this to ANYONE. I wish her good luck.


#8

This part of her personality goes way back to when I was homeless. (probably even younger then that)
She would walk into the tent cities where I was and start befriending everyone and trying to sneak tin food out to us. I used to HATE it when she would come to the homeless camp. I never wanted her to see me so low. But she would come and hang out anyway.

Then when I was really out of my head and what I call my rabid months… I didn’t care if she saw me or not. I really hate to think what I’ve exposed her to during that point of full blown addicted, uncaring, out of my head, out of control abuse.
But maybe it’s what gives her the ability to say No these days. Maybe she looks back on that rabid dark time of mine that is why she hasn’t done drugs yet. If those months of me reduced to a non-functioning out of my head, rabid something is what gives her the strength to stand up to the friends, then maybe something positive came out of that dark negative time.


#9

I would have to wonder if that teacher is compromising his/her position by making remarks in that fashion. That is in no way for a person holding the title of a teacher to be talking to a student whom is doing the right thing. Your sister seems like she is a breath of fresh air for you :slight_smile: and I know you think the world of her, she is truly here in this world to heal comfort and care, its a beautiful quality.


#10

Teacher Update: I posted this on the other thread. It’s amazing how much of my time this quarter has been taken up by this man.

There are three of us who have felt very harassed by this teacher, we were able to find a third party to grade our papers and she will be the one issuing/ influencing our final grades as one from the department.

It’s been said that this isn’t the first time this has happened. I don’t know what is going to happen to him personally if anything. I would like to think that someone will talk to him so he won’t make other student’s quarter harder then need be. But what comes around goes around. All I know is I now have a shot at a more equitable grade and that secures my financial aid.
Huge weight off my mind.

Thank you all for your kind support and ideas on how to cope better next time.