Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Wife needing help with how to better deal with husband

I am new on here just found this support group. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 8 years now and only found out the past few years that a lot of our marital problems was the result of a mental illness I researched on as schizophrenic or Schizotypal personality disorder: or other schizophrenic disorder. But it appears he’s on the schizophrenic spectrum. I did not know there were so many different types and only a professional could accurately diagnose. I studied spychology however and have some knowledge but by all means am no one to diagnose. My husband has admitted to being different and agreed to almost all the symptoms as what he feels but again he never admits to needing help bc many with this illness think it’s normal to them and they really believe nothing is wrong them just like anyone else thinks it’s just who they are and their personality but others don’t view it that way. It’s never been easy. He has a lot of paranoia nd delusions thinking things that aren’t real fir ostente like I have interest for his nephew that’s older in age like us but that’s not true. And he misreads body of his he and gestures and words as if im coming off that way like a flirt and etc. It’s really hurtful living with someone like this that you love and care for bc it’s so hard to understand them but my faith in God has really helped us and educating myself as much as possible for him so I can help and be more sensitive towards him knowing it’s not his felt. That it is a real, a real mental illness he has no control over but just trying to deal with it better and try and lower the severity by acknowledging he has a behavior a d attitude problem sometimes bc of this brain imbalance. I try to be more sympathetic and empathetic as much as I can and turn to prayer and therapy myself for help with my anxiety bc of it all. I just started counseling therapy. I feel this will really help. Sorry fir such long rambling. I hope this helps others know their not alone. Also hope others out there can relate to me and have pointers as well for me. Thanks. God bless y’all.

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You definitely are not alone. How long has your husband been diagnosed and is he being treated for it? Ive been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for 7.5 years. He began having issues probably 4 years or so ago. I honestly don’t even know exactly because it was gradual and I really thought it was just his personality/temper combined with the atmosphere of the politically tense and cruel world. Over time I realized something was definitely wrong and he needed help. A year and a half ago it got so bad he was hospitalized and treated and diagnosed with schizophrenia. He’s significantly improved since then but still has episodes every couple months and it’s TOUGH! I’ve tried support groups but I commonly get weird reactions because I’m dating him and not “stuck in it” as opposed to how parents feel towards their kids who have been diagnosed. It’s extremely hard to be in a relationship with this disorder. I know he needs me and every day that he’s healthy I truly fall more in love with him BUT when he’s not healthy it’s scary and sad. Not knowing what I’m coming home to after work and how bad things may or may not be. Not being able to plan a week or so in advance because I don’t know if he’ll have an episode. Explaining to my parents why I’m still with him. All while supporting us financially and making sure we stay afloat in every day life. It’s stressful. I’ve developed pretty bad anxiety from the years he was undiagnosed. His unpredictable nature doesn’t pair well with anxiety. I truly try to keep quiet and let it pass but it’s very hard for me as I’m naturally a more controlling person. It’s so frustrating to not be able to reason with them and to watch the constant cycles and how it impacts his body. It’s sad. So I feel you. I really do and you really aren’t alone. This is new to me too and I have a long way to go that’s for sure, but talking about it helps so much. And talking about it to people who actually understand too!
Check out this book if you haven’t yet. I haven’t finished it yet, but it’s extremely helpful to gain a better sense of what’s going on and how to interact with it. It’s called “I am not sick. I dont need help”

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Hi @Melb and welcome to this forum. I am glad you found it. The book @Kristy7071 recommends is a very good book. The method outlined by Dr. Amador in “I’m not Sick, I don’t Need Help” for gaining agreement is something I found success with, and still use today, years after I read it the first time. I suggest you learn to use this site, read past posts, make your own posts and come to gain knowledge from others’ experience with severe mental illness.

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Thank you so much. I can agree with you on so many things. No unfortunately he really hadn’t been diagnosed. Just the check we’d go to tried to do counseling with him and said he definitely had a personality disorder but still had not ruled out schizophrenia. Well they had their own professional counseling center they tarted within the church. But it’s hard bc my husband doesn’t trust anyone but does still have faith in God at least and that helps when his ties are good he’s the man i fell in love with and keep falling for like you say. But those bad episodes is what makes it hard. I too have people not understanding why I put up with it. They just don’t understand the truth behind me tal help that a lot of times it’s really not their fault. It’s unfortunate but true. And they really need someone to just love them and support them even though it can be hard fir the other person. Like you say sometimes you never know what’s gonna happen. I’m a stay at home mom so when he comes home from work sometimes I never know how he’s coming to me. Lots of times it’s with some strange rage and anger I don’t understand and accusations but I try to find ways of coping and better ways to deal with his situation. I understand the part of not being able to reason with them bc what they see or think in their mind is real and true and there’s no way of convincing them otherwise. If you do they find it disrespectful as if your against them or don’t care about them.

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Yes I’ll definitely have to check out that book you both recommended. Thank you all for your support.

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I hope @melb that you can find things to improve your life and his and your children’s bit by bit. Sometimes slight improvement doesn’t seem like much, but when dealing with mental illness, any improvement is a struggle to achieve. Do read the book and keep coming here to read the past posts of others so you can find ideas to help your own family.