My family member’s positive and cognitive symptoms seem to eliminate the idea of consequences of actions. Cause and effect are also out the window.
Tough love didn’t work.
So far nothing has worked. Schizophrenia is a medical illness. Kick family members out if we have to (I’ve done it), and call it what it is: survival.
hello!!! and thank you!! I am sole caretaker for 50 yr old sz who luckily seems to meet the definition of a high functioning sz which doesn’t mean there aren’t many times he does go into his other world!! and come out with some very nasty stuff. he is not on any rx meds rather on the orthomolecular program which I do think helps but certainly isn’t a cure. and I agree we have to have a life too. but it isn’t easy. I do run a tight ship and there are basic behaviors that have to be followed or it will be outta here and no looking back. not a great life style but I don’t think there is a solution. we have to take what life hands us and do the best we can. at least that what i’m doing. one day/hour/minute at a time. May God have mercy on us all
Would anyone even try to use tough love on any other medical condition like cancer or Parkinson’s?
Tough love does not cure illness. It is a strategy for correcting behavior that may or may not work on a unique person who has severe and persistent mental illness.
In my experience we used tough love for unacceptable behaviours while our son was in and out of our home, we called the police a lot to have him removed, were we right? , I don’t know. If we experience verbal abuse in the future now knowing about schzio behavior I’ll have to come up with some sort of plan, maybe having a place for him to go, like the gym or a long walk to help with the anger. If physical abuse happens he’ll be finding another place to live. At this point it’s not tough love it’s survival.
Our son went with the police once and they took him to the hospital in hand cuffs. You might have a CIT officer meet you there. They might be able to get him to accept treatment to feel better or get some rest. It’s been oh experience that it only gets worse, until they get the right treatment. Our son still tries to extort and threaten us but he can stop himself now that he’s on meds. I usually call him out on it pretty quickly and say hands off. It only seems to escalate. I’m so sorry your family is going through this. Our son has been hospitalized about eight times, and has poor insight. He is now on depot but says he isn’t going to take it again. We drive him and he is like a 14 year old. He has lost track of years like so many others that suffer from this illness. I wish you the best but we have said th same thing to our son. If you want to stay here, you have to take meds.
Your best bet is to have him involuntarily committed. I don’t know how it works where you are living. Find out. He has to be a threat to himself and others. You may have to lie a little, if he is not a threat, to get him the help he needs. Officers will pick him up and take him to the hospital for evaluation. The Mental Health System is broken. I wish you luck. I hope this helps.
You are strong. I hope that this is something I can handle
You know, that is perhaps the biggest surprise of all with this illness. I am from a large family and I wasn’t ready for the judgement that came from some of my family. It really hurts since I have always tried my hardest to support them through tough times and never questioned their parenting skills. It is in part the stigma and ignorance and one or two have admitted this. I was actually thinking of giving them the book Surviving Scizophrenia for Christmas this year but first I have to read it myself. I just got it and am on the first chapter. With my son, part of his delusions are drug related so it makes it harder on him. I’m sad for him in this regard but he is one brave soul.
Whatever you do, don’t kick them out unless they’re threatening to kill someone in the house. What you can do is hospitalize them and commit them for treatment for a few weeks or months.
I once got this advice from someone once:
This is interesting. This is my situation exactly, but reversed. Notice the big gap of time between my posts? I am also schizophrenic and back in July 2015 I attempted suicide. I overdosed on a bunch of dangerous drugs and was put into a coma for three days. When they found me so long after the fact, still lying on the floor they took me to the hospital, restarted my kidneys and sent me to the ward from July 26, 2015-March 2, 2016.
My advice: determine threat level and get him assessed by professionals. The 8 months I spent in the mental hospital did wonders for me. I’ll tell you this: no matter what I had, who loved me, what I had going for me back in July, in a whim I decided to do it. It took me years to go through with a serious attempt…a lot of threats, ya know? Eventually we do it. There’s no stopping someone who is serious about it. I tried, my dad who was also schizophrenic was successful in Oct, 1997.
The only thing you can do is get him into the hospital if he was serious about suicide. Saying you love us doesn’t help.
Our son was diagnosed 6 months ago and has been hospitalized three times. He is very hard to live with unmedicated. His father is 72 and we worry about the effect on his blood pressure and health. It was hard when our son was released from the hospital today after a three day unmedicated stay. He refused treatment. Working with his case worker, we refused unmedicated housing. Now I sit shaking and in literal body pain. I ache for him. I hope he finds his path. I’m so hoping that these tough love measures help him get the help he so desperately needs.
I had one thought , could another family member or a close friend who truly cares be a state appointed guardian? Otherwise he could be a ward of the state. They have to ensure your son is properly cared for. You did not mention anything about your sons condition but if it’s a worry of yours it might be something to consider.
I was my sons guardian for 3 years but due to his resilience to any help and his alcohol problems he would be kicked out of residences or group homes. I gave my guardianship to the state. So far it’s been a good thing. I have been able to relax more knowing the heavy decisions were off my shoulders but of course I think about him a lot. It’s a very big decision and it gets done through the court system.