My husband constantly accuses me of cheating. He is loving one day and paranoid the next accusing me of sleeping with several people. At work he checks on me constantly. Uses find my iPhone to verify my movements. Stays on the phone to hear who and what I am saying. Constantly asks for proof when I tell him I was busy at work or when out with friends. He’s emotionally draining. Is there anyone else out there living this beyond insane life. I’m broken, but somehow can’t leave. My strength has been God but lately I’m feeling so weak. I’m tired of the mental and emotional rollercoaster. He truly is ill. After an episode of rage and slander the next day he’s booking us a cruise to go away on or planning some crazy down the road trip as if yesterday he didn’t just tell me he was done with me and divorcing me. I just really need to connect with someone in this situation. It’s embarrassing. I don’t want to tell my friends although most know but I’ve always made it seem as he’s gotten “better” which is a lie. We have children and I try my best to shield them from it. I’m so lost
The hardest part. To young to understand I assume.
A common theme for everyone on this forum.
Sounds normal to me…
Friends, your lucky most on this forum have none… The friends are the first to go.
Even if you are successful with docs and meds over a long span of time, it will never change. It will always be up and down.
The ONLY way to survive this is to completely blow it out of your mind as if it never happens. Train the children to do the same and accept reality. Family and friends will never understand or even come close to be able to help other than watch the kids in an emergency that will happen. Only temporary relief can be found.
As hard as it is, you can find some degree of peace in the future. I have two homes and leave on weekends. This is no help to you but it works for me. I have fought this for nearly 27 years and have succeeded but I am not going to sugar coat any of it. The most horrible things have happened to us. I will spare you, from death of our first born, to imprisonment, to dozens of docs and meds, constant scrutiny from the county social workers, to the cops, to the trials and the lawyers, drugs, alcohol, overdoses, dealing methadone, shooting up pills and H, theft, and a boat load of money wasted, a truly hopeless cause to the end.
The only thing that matters is the safety of yourself and the children…
from the start of the digital age 2013:
Hey Lisa… my hand is up in the air, waving with exhausted enthusiasm. Oh yup yup I identify. Yes yes and yes. The slander makes me bitter, the confabulation (lies) makes me resentful, the ‘flip flop’ makes me depressed, the embarrassment when taking action means other people have to get involved and see it, dealing with repercussions of HIS actions makes me sick to my stomach, others people’s judgments like they think they ‘know’ what the hell is going on in our lives who don’t know the first thing about MI just infuriates me, constant false outrageous accusations make me snippy and what are we left with? Cherishing the good days in between? Lots of therapy for ourselves, maybe some medications too.
And tacos. I find comfort in tacos. It’s the little things…
Good to have you back buddy! 
And you’re absolutely correct. The children come first. And we need to do what we need to do to take care of ourselves to be of any use to our children.
and ice cream as a chaser…
And a nice bottle of deep dry red wine to wash it all down…
Thank you for responding. I feel everything you said. I hate that you go through it as well but happy to learn I’m not alone. I just truly feel so depressed I don’t know what to do.
My bf accused me of sneaking men into my house and sleeping with them. We were living together at the time and slept in separate rooms. So yea…he would come running into my room waking me up asking “Who’s in here?!”. It is exhausting and I finally got out recently. Hugs to you. Its very hard when you love them.
So happy you got out and didn’t marry.
If I had one wish it’s to go back in time. In 2016 we separated. I was a fool for letting him back. Now are son is so much older and the bandage was already ripped and now I fear doing it again
Is he medicated? My situation is different, mine is a friend who refuses to admit we are anything more, but treats me like a gf anyway. He has been medicated for years but still acts very impulsively and can day very hurtful things, and other times can be so happy and engaging. He has SZA …don’t know if that is different. So I was wondering if your SO is also displaying this behavior while medicated.
He refuses to accept he has any issues so unfortunately will never seek profesional help 
I am dealing with the exact situation. We work together and it has escalated to issues at work with my husband telling a third party he wanted to stab someone that he believes i am sleeping with. I am with him all the time. It is like he lives in an alternate reality. We have been together 16 years. I never cheated, never flirted, never. The pain and anguish is really taking its toll on me. I feel isolated. I need to get out.
Very sorry you are experiencing such a tough long drawn out time. I have a different issue trying to support my wife of 32 years who developed psychosis and now, after 32 years of beautiful marriage, sees me as somewhat of a villain.
In regard to your situation, no one deserves to be controlled. I don’t think this is a changeable character trait. Trust is at the heart of every relationship (amongst other factors). I don’t think staying in this relationship is a good example for your children. Be strong. Get out. Explain it clearly to your children (I a assuming that they are old enough to get it).
Best of luck to you.