My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 wonderful years, and been best friends for over 25 years. I love him more than life itself and he is the one person in my life I could never bear to lose. He is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, although he also suffers from severe depressive episodes accompanied by suicidal idealation, and at times crippling anxiety. He has had a very difficult life, being in foster homes, being adopted, dealing with short lived difficult relationships, and having a history with addiction. I myself have lost many loved ones over the years and have at times dealt with depression and alot of self image and self worth issues. I only have a few family members left, and they were not ok with me moving in with him or even being in a relationship with him… so this has also caused much anxiety and difficulty in my relationships with them. I know they love me and want the best for me, but I also feel as though they should respect my love for my partner as well. I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago.. due to his depression, extremely low testosterone, possible vitamin defficiencies, and being mostly unmedicated… our intimacy has been very greatly reduced, and he seems to also be struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, and having difficulty staying to any routine. So, not keeping up with doctor appointments, labs, not consistently takings his meds, and not having motivation to even really get out of the house much. I want to be clear on the fact that he is a very kind, loyal, loving, compassionate, sweet, thoughtful, smart, fun and funny, wonderful man, and we share all household responsibilities, as well as love all of the same things so spending time together is amazing. We have had a wonderful romantic relationship as well as friendship. Over the last 6 months or so, he has been dealing with crippling depression, and has relapsed on drugs several times… the most recent time though was on crack cocaine… it has sent him into addiction, and has made his symptoms skyrocket. He has days when we is the most loving sweet husband to me, days when we’re more like friends, and days when it feels like he absolutely loathes me… I do my best to stay level headed, try not to take hurtful things personal, and make sure he is eating and drinking, talk with him and be loving and supportive, and take care of him and his needs to the best of my ability. I am currently his live in aide. This time in particular though, he has been adamant about ending our romantic relationship.. which he has mentioned before during episodes, then later apologizes and assures me was just the demons feeding him lies, and thats how is mind treats him sometimes.. but this time he is very convinced that I hate him, that I’m “one of them”, that I’m playing games with him, that I want to give up or leave him, and has said I’ve said and done things that I haven’t. It has gone back and forth between him being somewhat stable and our relationship being perfectly fine, and then him having hallucinations, being delusional, angry, and wanting to leave… it’s like bouncing back and forth between polar opposites. I have been trying to convince him to go to the hospital for detox and psych treatment… but so far it has been unsuccessful. I am severely depressed currently, feel absolutely drained, and have no idea how to proceed from here at the moment. I am trying to just give him space by staying in my room, and praying that things ease up. I love him more than words… I just don’t know what to do right now… thank you and I’m grateful there is a place for us to connect with others in similar situations. Does anyone have any advice?
I am so sorry that your home life situation has deteriorated so badly. In my life, addiction to drugs and alcohol has affected many I’ve known in the past, several of whom passed away. Unfortunately, I have not been successful at helping anyone to get off of drugs or alcohol that didn’t WANT to get off of them. Those addictions, as I’m sure you know, can lead to death. It is so hard to watch. I wish you the best, you have a hard struggle going on, and love isn’t always enough to help our loved ones. I wish it was. My advice is to get yourself the help you need to handle your own self, as if you get depressed and drained, you are the only one who can help you.
Thank you I do greatly appreciate your kind words. He is such a sweet, kind, wonderful man… but the drugs have ramped up his hallucinations, and although he keeps trying to quit and keeps doing all he can to not let his delusions affect me, it is still painful to see him go through this. He has been through so much in his life, so much trama… I love him with all my heart and soul and pray often… it feels like being robbed of something more precious than words can say… we had just moved in together last year and were finally getting rolling on chasing our dreams together, then he hit the depression, then more recently the drugs… and I do completely understand how depression and suicidal thoughts can drive anyone to extreme measure to want to just feel better even if its only momentary… but i wish so much to just simply see him happy and able to just enjoy life more… I know I have chosen a more challenging path than some.. and he has even told me I dont deserve all these hardships… but he means the world to me and I wouldnt trade it for anything. We’re a team… and hopefully, with Gods help, we can pull through these tough times together.
Update
So it has currently been almost 2 months that my partner has been battling with his addiction… his schizophrenic symptoms have continued to flux and increase in frequency… his delusions have caused many hurtful accusations towards me, and he said today that “he doesn’t even know who I am”… this was especially difficult because just last weekend he was sober for 3 days, we took a roadtrip and went and saw one of our favorite bands and spent such wonderful quality time together… even had lots of communication, cuddles, kisses, hugs, and just great bonding like we used to… now since being back he went back to the cocaine in less than a day… and I feel so lost… I miss my sweet man so much… I know he is struggling and I cannot imagine the confusion and pain he must be experiencing right now… I have even memtioned going to the hospital… but it seems to have been dismissed due to how bad the addiction has become… I am physically and mentally exhausted… and feel absolutely powerless to help the man I love… can anyone help, offer advice, or just reach out as someone to talk to right now? Thank you for giving people a safe place to not feel alone in handling these delicate and difficult situations. 
I am struggling so much trying to help my partner of 5 years with his bipolar and psychosis. It is become unbearable. I love him so so much but its so scary. He would never hurt me physically but sometimes the thinks he says are so so hurtful. I try not to cry but omg.. i honestly cant cope with the screaming nd the nasty things he says.
Can someone please help this is literally killing me
He frightens me terribly. We also live in a shared house nd i wirried we also going to be made homeless. He has no empathy nd just screams nd throws stuff at me.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way… is he on meds or having any help from anywhere? And do you have anywhere you can go when you need a break or are feeling unsafe? My partner is sober again currently for 3 days now, he is still struggling alot with his psychosis, hearing voices, paranoia, depression, and has even walked into traffic the other day… but he is atleast more lucid… I am remaining hopeful, praying much, and staying optimistic because we’ve been friends for over 25 years and our relationship is still strong, and he (when able to be himself) is very sweet natured and very good to me, and I love him more than words could ever convey… while I have had my own battles with mental health, it can be very difficult trying to help a partner with mental health crisis… or even just trying to hold yourself together during those times… I have had many moments when I wanted to cry or just have a moment to re center… the biggest thing that i think is hard for us to remember is that we have to take care of ourselves as well… I hope it helps to have otgers to talk to, and I pray that your partner gets help and that your situation improves greatly soon 
Thanks so much. He is on sleep meds and mood stablizers. The problem we have is tjat he an alcoholic and he doesnt see that its causing the problems. He has tried wzlking into traffic and the voices are real bad at times.
I dont even want yo go out for drinks with him cause of how he can get. He isnt evef violent tho he just yells so mucn.
I have terrible ptsd and anxiety witb depression so i am finding the emotional strain really hard. I honestly adore him and i could never be without him but am i wrong in wishing for a little me time
Can anyone please give me some advice. My oartner has hardly slept in 3 days. He in a terrible physicotic state and is now shouting at nothing
Its really draining nd upsetting. I just need someone to te me i am not alone in how i am feeling. I am trying my best i really am
Self-medicating with street drugs is not going to work at all. He needs to be seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis and following a treatment plan.
Often not sleeping accompanies a psychotic episode. The best thing you can do is try to get him medicated.
My partner just started using again… and it hurts him so badly… wish he could break out of this cycle… we have periods of good… but I miss my sweet man so much sometimes… it can feel very isolating at times.. makes me feel absolutely powerless… I love him so much, I never want to know a day without him… and it scares me when he talks about suicide… I just want him to know better days again..
I know I struggled when I realized that we couldn’t cure our son with love. Such heartbreak.
We can’t cure them with love but they still need it, even if they rarely or never give back and only “reward” us with abuse.
This is very true.. I do everything I can to show my love and support to him… this has been the most difficult time we’ve been through thus far… with the addiction as out of control as it has gotten, his mental health is absolutely shot.. he is in psychosis, hearing and seeing things, delusional thoughts, yelling at the voices, isolating himself, hitting the tv, hitting himself, has tried to walk out into traffic… and we just got a new puppy as an effort at therapy for him.. so I am constantly on high alert, trying to care for the animals, keep up with things around the house, and keep checking on him… I have tried repeatedly to get him to go to the hospital but to no avail… I would never leave or abandon him, I love him more than anything and dont want to know a single day without him.. but I am contemplating atleast taking the pup and going to visit with a friend or something for a lil while… I am so exhausted and drained… I feel like a zombie right now… and I mentally cannot even process things right now… with him refusing to get sober or get help currently, I am at a loss and have no idea what to do… I just want to sleep… I’ve isolated away from everyone, and just recently had a dear friend pass away so have been pretty depressed myself… I just want my husband back, and our life back… he has spent so much on crack… and we were so close to affording an RV which is our dream to travel together… I am so sad… I just want all this chaos to be over… 
I hope you are able to get him on meds asap.
Well… in this continuation of drugs use, his psychosis has gotten out of control and his paranoia has labeled everyone as a threat, including me… he has accused me of many falsities and told me to get out today… so officially spending the night in my car, going place to place to try and get a few hours of sleep. His mom and I even tried to call in a welfare check but to no avail… I can only pray he is sleeping and ok, and that he will seek help soon… it is beyond painful to be away from the man I love like this… hopefully tomorrow brings better news.. 
Hi, sorry to hear this. It is difficult to decide what to do. I can tell you, my story. We were together for 28 years. My ex-husband was diagnosed with drug psychosis/bipolar. This was about 11 years ago, 2018. He took medication the first year and was ok. Then he stopped the meds, he refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. He started accusing me of having affairs, plotting to have him killed and making him mad. He has convinced himself that our three kids are not his. All the abuse and affairs that he put me through was because of all the things he says I done to him. He met an old friend 10 years ago, they started having an affair, planning to marry. He believes he was never loved by me, that I never helped him in any way. He says he saw me sleep with his brother, my bro inlaw and our friend. He will give you the entire scenario of how it even happened, where and when. Note: this is the only man that I have ever been with, but he is so convinced. Mental illness runs in his family; his mom was bipolar. There were also signs earlier in our relationship like 20 years ago. At that time, very little was known about this illness. What I’m trying to say is, it is very very difficult. I spent 28 years with this man, and he doesn’t remember or acknowledge anything good I did for him. It’s a month now, he refuses to talk to the kids, because in his mind, they are not his. Try and get help, but the person has to acknowledge that they needshelp, OR else you could be wasting your time.
Thank you for sharing this… I have had to think alot about all this while trying to find places to park so I could sleep a few hours… my family never wanted me to move away, and my mom basically cut ties with me a couple days ago… I just lost a dear friend of mine to cancer, and yesterday tried to go to someone who I thought was a good friend so that I wasn’t alone while dealing with being kicked out, got there and she wouldn’t even answer me either… so I just feel absolutely alone and isolated… the only person I know I can go to is my grandma… which is a 2000 mile drive down to Texas… and I fear that if I did go there, that he would never get help or worse, commit suicide… this is an impossible situation and all I can do right now is pray… I love him so very dearly… we’ve been friends for over 25 years and been in our romantic relationship for over 5 years… I think the most painful thing, is feeling like the drugs are robbing us of our grandest dreams before they even had a chance to fully come into fruition… we were so close to having the money and freedom to buy a used rv and start traveling together… he had even been talking about making it official and getting married… that was before the drugs came into play again… I just pray that he will get help… I just want him to have a better life… as for me I am unsure of what I’ll do or where I’ll go if he refuses help again… not even sure how long I’ll last.. but only time will tell I suppose… thank you again.