Hi, I recently started seeing a friend in a more serious sense. I’m 32 Male with Asperger’s, ADHD, and [possibly] some light schizophrenia. I live with my girlfriend who is diagnosed.
I had met her a few years before, and then reached out on instagram, got her to talk to me, come over, and she latched on after understanding it was safe. She isn’t on medication but is diagnosed.
I basically felt like I needed to be needed, and I definitely bit off a big piece here. I wasn’t working in a normal 9-5 sense when we were courting each other, so it was easy for her to latch on. We both have a lot of pain from our parents being distant – mine were American and her’s Russian. all four parents (her’s and mine) were independent very young, so we too were left to wander. We both met a lot of the wrong types of people who socially fed off vulnerable people like us.
I moved in because it seemed to meet a lot of needs. I was kind of foolish to take her for face value that it was the right thing to do, and her expectations were to get married almost instantly.
And when I wouldn’t, and still won’t, then I’m one of a million swear words. So it’s safe to say that’s a trigger. She was sexually assaulted as a teen, so that’s a trigger.
I had met her a few years before, and then reached out on instagram, got her to talk to me, come over, and she latched on after understanding it was safe. She isn’t on medication but is diagnosed. She has two siblings, one older brother and one younger brother. They both have very sensitive stressors when tugged outside their routine path. They all medicate in their own ways, including the mother. Mother drinks, older brother smokes Cannabis and drinks, she only smokes Cannabis and I won’t let her drink for any reason, because triggers are almost double and triple loaded. younger brother uses (smokes) heroin but because he’s the youngest, mother just shrugs it off.
SO to catch you up, I’ve been living here four months. We have good days and bad. When alcohol was involved, we had destruction and violence on a major level. When I used more sedative type Cannabis, we had excellent days–but not as productive.
We’re working on eating every day. One issue is that she likes spontaneous meals – which leads to the body having trouble adjusting. It also affects her sporadic budget. She is convinced because she bought her car outright and has food stamps that she can in theory “live forever”.
When left to choose for herself, she makes rash, impulsive choices and has trouble disciplining her impulses with responsibility. Rather than logically conclude she doesn’t need something, she will punish herself and put it back as if she was scolding her action as opposed to understanding what is reasonable. Pacing is more evolved into getting more hot drinks, tea’s.
At this point in time, she does not go into stores with me. She does drive-thru, but we don’t go into any store or office together unless for some reason she is trying extra hard and showing no symptoms. Like when we first met 
I wasn’t working before, but started after month one of the relationship. I had to quit after two months because her episodes were increasing, and I basically came home daily to a destruction zone.
At this point I’m in the house with the parents in the basement and the younger brother across the hall. The mother nudges the boy to wake up and go places, but day to day he is a nightmare. When I leave them all alone, they do some crazy stuff to get my interaction. The problem for me is that I’m trying to work with my girlfriend exclusively here. She really feels like getting married will automatically change her physiology and emotions about being generally sad–sad from her parents neglect. They were raised in the just ending cold-war russia, and had no understanding of american society. They had three kids and they cleaned houses every day. The routine that kept them mentally stable. If they go even a few inches outside the box, it’s like you can see the walls start to crack on the inside.
I’ve been super patient in figuring out exactly where this house is in situation, because it was really confusing. So now I’m trying to figure out if I want to sacrifice my entire mental wellness or apply to be my girlfriend’s caregiver. I’m also trying to figure out a good way to get started on actually learning outside my experience. I ordered this book and welcome other suggestions!