Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Am I to blame? Am I not holding him accountable for his actions?how far is to far?


#1

I feel helpless and hopeless. I try and talk to my shizofrenic boyfriend and he can’t hold a conversation without getting lost. Sometimes I feel selfish,because I know he can’t understand his wrongs,and he strongly believes that his actions are justified. Am I to blame for his behaviors? I have feelings too, am I wrong for expressing my concerns to him?I don’t wanna give up on him,his family is very blind to the illness and have no clue where to begin. I’m the only person that takes their time and try and help him get through daily tasks. I even took him to apply for benefits so that he can take care of himself, and his mom is taking half of his income.what do I do? How can I help? Should I detach myself completely from this situation? He loves me dearly, but he is not medicated and is not well. If I leave him, he will be on the streets ,he has been homeless before and on synthetic marijuana. He is 6 months clean,and we been together 7 months. I am proud of him,but he needs help


#2

do not give on him. he needs you. if you are the only one who can save him from being homeless and harmed, then you will be a winner and he will have another chance to live a life close to normal.

try to have a talk with his mother and may be tell her that her son is entitled to 75% of social security income. she can keep 25% since he is staying with her.
try to convince him to be on medication. he will take sometimes for him to get better but there is a hope.
God bless you during this Xmas season.


#3

Firstly, no, you are not to blame. The illness is unpredictable and until you fully understand it, you might try to blame yourself. Read up on sz as much as you can. Then you will recognize easier the delusions, hallucinations and confused thinking that stem from the illness.

Secondly, you will never understand things the way he does while he is unmedicated. You should try to react with kindness and compassion as discipline and sternness usually never really gains cooperation, in my experience.

Thirdly, only you can decide how far is too far. Whether you can help enough to make things liveable for yourself in this relationship is a good question. Whether you should detach is your choice. The length of time you try to help someone who isn’t your relative is totally up to you. If you do decide to detach, don’t feel guilty about it. You are doing the best you can. So is he, actually. But often it will not get better, but worse, with this illness, unless medicated. It is a lifelong illness unfortunately that affects everyone in the family and circle of friends.


#4

Why is his mother taking half of his income? Does he live with her? If not, that’s highly illegal on her part.