This too shall pass. I try and tell myself that when things start to go sideways and upside down. My husband has a few things that trigger him very quickly: his dad and organized religion. At the moment we are living with his dad until we can find our own place. His dad has suffered from Parkinson’s disease for over 25 years. His mother died 8 years ago and we have been taking care of him ever since. They had a very volatile relationship for the majority of his childhood and into young adult. His father was very domineering and controlling until my husband wasn’t able to deal with that anymore. He was not diagnosed until mid twenties but suffered from serious depression and suicidal thoughts as a young adult. I was not aware of this until after we married. We both take marriage very seriously and I feel that as long as I am doing my best to advocate for him and help him get to his appointments and stay on his meds there is no reason to leave. When his dad triggers him though it is very intense and stressful and my fight or flight kicks in almost immediately. I lived with an alcoholic parent for about 10 years so I understand the patterns of the mentally ill. Unfortunately this has caused ptsd and panic attacks for me which I take meds for. I try my best to keep the peace but sometimes I unintentionally put my foot in my mouth and then trigger him as well. Now he feels totally alone when normally I am the only one he trusts. (Sorry for the long post). I said something tonight not thinking it would upset him but it triggered his lack of trust and paranoia and here I sit in the bathtub trying my best to be calm and give him his space while this passes. This is so tiring. And then when I try to talk to my family about things that trigger him they don’t understand, think he’s abusive and that I should leave because “you’re not happy and I hate your life”. If I knew then what I know now comes to mind at times. So I keep going, praying for help and trying my best until something changes. Always hoping for the better to come along and for him to have some mental peace. Today I need more peace in my mind, heart and spirit. Please.
Trixiedb1 … it sounds like you’ve got the behavior patterns figured out, so it must be frustrating not to be able to keep things under control. I hope you’re having a better day today.
Wishing you peace. Episodes are very trying and tiring.
So we’re under a double burden, absorbing the fallout of episodes that literally suck the life out of us and we have to deal with family who think they know, but they don’t really, but they do know how to place blame. I’ve been there and it’s a lonely road. You said that organized religion is a trigger, and am wondering if an alternative faith based church or group would have the same effect. Faith with like minded people has gotten me through many rough times on this journey. And maybe there would be someone with real insight you could share with. Hope he is able to find whatever he needs to calm his mind and peace for you. Maybe talk to his doctor?