Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Any one in Maine?

Hello forum,

I just received an email from my husband that he is planning on going to a place called Hope House in Bangor, Maine. He is almost there, having taken Greyhound from CA. He was planning on going to Washington D.C. where he claimed a job was waiting for him, but it was the delusions talking and now he has admitted there was no job and knows he needs to find shelter. Apparently someone else on Greyhound suggested Hope House to him.

I don’t know anything about it. I am so far away and feel helpless. I thought his disability money was intact, but he says it has been cancelled, so he will not be getting his usual payment on the 1st and 3rd and has no money at all. Therefore I am concerned about his health and safety, with the storm that is approaching or perhaps is already there.

Is anyone on the forum familiar with Hope House? Do they provide a safe place for delusional and un-medicated sz people?

No, I’m not familiar with Maine, I do hope he will be OK arriving there. I found Hope House on the internet: https://hopehouse.pchc.com/ It sounds like a good possible solution for him.

Hi oldladyblue,

Thank you for the kind words. As of this morning, it seems he is still in D.C. He doesn’t have any money and probably won’t be making it up to Maine after all. He keeps asking me for help to get food and to find an AA meeting in D.C. but I am not familiar with the city, having visited only for a day about 20 years ago. He won’t tell me exactly where he is, though, so I have no way to advise him where to go. He told me I wanted him to die because I wasn’t helping and that made me incredibly sad. I really don’t know if there’s anything I can do for him any more, just hoping he will find a way to get help or admit himself to a hospital somehow.

Well, he finally told me where he was and I Western Unioned him a little money so he could eat but he has not been able to find a location to pick up the money and the hour is getting late so the locations will be closing soon. He said he was going to kill himself and I would be at fault. Once more, I urged him to get help.

It is getting to the point that whatever I do is not helpful even though I am doing my best to help.

I’m not in Maine but if your husband has a smart phone try getting him to type in the phrase “western union near me” and the closest one should pop up as long as he allows the phone to access his location. The key words are “near me”. Those keywords work for anything that you are looking for. I’m so sorry that he is saying he might commit suicide and says it is your fault. The illness toys with peoples minds.

Thank you, Sea,

The thing is that he is very sharp and knows how to use all the features on his smart phone…but he wants me to do it for him and figure it out from 4,000 miles away when I am not exactly sure where he is. When he becomes desperate, he will throw out whatever he thinks will push my buttons (taking me to court for abuse of a mentally ill person, calling the police on me, making trouble at my work and with any of my friends or acquaintances). I have told him it’s not kind to threaten suicide when he doesn’t mean it, but then again someday he might feel low enough to do it. I sent him a message with the address of the nearest hospital with a 24-hour emergency room and I hope he will admit himself.

In case it’s helpful here is a link where you can find all the AA meetings that day in the DC area: https://aa-dc.org/meetings

There is also day center for the homeless at 2210 Adams Place, NE, adjacent to the Adams Place Shelter and near the NY Avenue Shelter and is open from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m., Monday through Friday. They provide lunch, laundry services and counseling on benefits.

Thank you BDinVA1,

He threw me a curve ball again. He swore his disability had been cut but received it today and bought a bus ticket to Bangor after all. D.C. wasn’t what he expected, frightened him and he didn’t want to stay there. I don’t know how he made it through the night. We have only texted so far today.

As I mentioned in my last post, he knows quite well how to find AA meetings and resources. He likes to bully me into doing things for him (which I will often do if I am not busy as his bullying exhausts me).

I sincerely appreciate the helpfulness, good advice and concern of people on the forum. I haven’t been able to afford to go to therapy yet and this is the only place besides work I feel at peace.

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I do hope you realize that his angry hurtful words are trying to generate sympathy, and that it would not be your fault if he attempted suicide. This is such an awful illness, and it is the illness makes the unmedicated ill target their loved ones.

Thank you oldladyblue,

I do realize he is trying to generate sympathy. It is rough on me, emotionally, even though rationally I understand his tactics.

He has been through a lot in his life and always made it through his difficulties, but this is probably the lowest point so far. His daughter and grandchildren are distancing themselves from him and he has always claimed he wanted to be a part of their lives. That was his reason for living. On the other hand, it has been an unrealistic idea to be as much a part of their lives as he said he wanted to be and when he has visited them, he can’t stand to be there more than a day. He had a chance to move to their area and his daughter was initially wanting to help him find an apartment, but he decided against it. Long story short, he is closer to wanting to commit suicide than I have ever known, but I am hanging on to a hope that he is still strong enough to resist that.

I have been reading up more about Bangor, Maine, where he will be getting off Greyhound tonight, and except for Hope House, it doesn’t sound like a very welcoming place for a MI homeless man from CA. It is also still quite cold and snowy there.

Just as you have offered help that was rejected, his daughter’s offer of help was rejected. It is a shame that plain old desire to help someone can’t always be accepted by the person needing it. I feel for you. It must be heartbreaking. Perhaps something good will come of his trip to Maine that is impossible for you to predict.

Many decades ago, my grandfather committed suicide after his wife of more than 50 years died unexpectedly. He came to live with us after she passed, and we could not cheer him up. I learned at age 14 that sometimes a soul is so tortured that no one can help them. I was lucky that a priest helped me to realize that perhaps my grandfather was at peace, even going against Catholic teachings to tell me that. Then, I could be at peace with my grandfather’s rejection of our help and his suicide. But I have never stopped wishing he had accepted our help, and I’ve never stopped offering help when I could, as I lived my life going forward.

I hope you find some peace emotionally while hoping for the best for him.

Thank you oldladyblue:heart:,

That was an extremely sad story about your grandfather. Yet I can understand being so dedicated to a spouse that it would feel unnatural to be alive without them. It is an accurate observation that some souls are too tortured to be helped. I am starting to think this is how my husband is.

Today when I returned from work, I had messages from him that were insulting, saying I was a know-it-all and thought I was always right, thinking he was going to Maine. That is what he told me last night, so how was I to know he got off the bus in Massachusetts? There was no reason to insult me for not knowing what he spontaneously decided to do. I asked for an apology and instead of giving me an apology, he continued to insult me. I was so upset, I couldn’t talk with him any more.

Peace is going to take a while. I am trying to find it on my own, but if/when I am in better financial shape, I will seek a therapist. I am pretty worn down at this point and feeling a lot of stress even though he is 5,000 miles away.

In a psychotic state, I don’t think anyone makes sense: whether caused by illness, drugs or alcohol. Try not to take what he says to you while delusional too much at face value. My daughter said the worst possible things when she was unmedicated, or on the wrong medications. Now, it is sooooo different.

The stress you are feeling is real, and is wearing… I hope you can find little things that give you a moments peace, and work on increasing those moments.

Today, while driving to work, I got out of my car and scurried three ducks out of the road… that added peace and calm to my day. Little moments like that could help you feel better despite the high stress.

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