My partner (well who knows what he is anymore, I have to avoid contact because he is so verbally volatile) has been hurling abusive messages at me almost nightly now though he says I could stop it by coming to see him. The following day he will say sorry and that he meant none of it.
Through these last few weeks since things got really rough, he has a constant-- that he is in danger bc a rich powerful man is out to get him, this man has minions who constantly communicate with him (they’re both out to ruin him but also help him by keeping tabs on me as he says they tell him I’m cheating on him), and he has now angered the cartel. Whether he is calm and apologetic or throwing a tantrum and hurling insults, these are the constant belief he has been wrapped around lately. He is certain before the end of the month his world will be ruined by being framed for a crime or killed.
Since I’m pregnant I’ve been informed by both my obgyn and a social worker to reduce contact with him and not minimize the seriousness of his outbursts. Domestic violence increases on pregnant women (who would’ve known) and mental illness can never be predictable as much as I think I know his habits. The reduced contact is making him that much more angry and suspicious of me to the point I wouldn’t feel comfortable to be around him anyway. Still, I feel for him as I know so much of this is out of his control, and things have only really spiraled in just the last few weeks (never saw this coming after getting pregnant!!).I feel a desire to help as someone who fell in love with him, and an obligation to help since he has a daughter on the way that I hope can have a relationship with him.
My social worker was very wise and understanding of our situation and recommended that the next time he sends me messages containing strange threats or showing his delusions, to call 911 and ask for PERT (psychiatric emergency response team). I tried last night after one of his myriad of strange threats but the 911 op was quick to tell me they don’t have PERT clinicians on duty but all deputies are trained. She didn’t want any info from me on what was going on, just wanted to know if I wanted the deputy sent or not. I couldn’t trust that they would be able to help, generate an understanding of what was going on by just showing up, or not put him in jail or worse instead of a hospital and psychiatric hold so I told her no. She didn’t want to answer any questions about their process and told me to call the nonemergency line for a better understanding.
I did that next and the operator there affirmed what I thought. Though sheriff’s are trained they likely may not see his situation as a psych emergency and it’s likely he will get released without any help and instead with something on his record. She said treating mental illness is a private cost, they only intervene if someone is an active threat to themselves or others (by their observation). She recommended I only call back if he’s made a threat to hurt himself (not a threat to hurt others which also might be treated as criminal instead of a psych emergency).
So I’m back to square one, he was heavily drinking last night and sent the most ridiculous rude messages til 4am when I was asleep. He drinks constantly now which worsens his paranoia and his actions, so it’s a vicious cycle. He sent a message today saying “sorry, I didnt mean it”. He has said he made appt for doctor and therapy but won’t tell me the dates so might be lying. Even if he attends those appts the likelihood of him telling them what he really needs is low. He needs a psychiatrist to subscribe something for his delusions but of course he does not believe he has delusions. His brother has schizophrenia (is medicated) and I think his pride and desire for independence also makes him avoid awareness of his need for intervention.
Anyone have any advice on how they eventually got help for a loved one who refused to see they needed it?