Hi everyone, well, I am afraid something has brought me here. I am out of options and at my wits end.
We have been married 4 years, together for 6. First 5 years I was chronic pains and at time critical physically. I could barely stand. I have seizures, Colitis, Cirrhosis, and so much more—and my Husband was my Angel. We met while I was not ill (I was ill for a decade, but for 8 months, I was fine) but I told him all about my past. Then, after we met, illnesses started up like I had never had before, like Epilepsy. Anyways, total Angel. Dedicated. Feed me, watched over me…my Angel.
This may have been creeping for awhile, I dunno but I noticed: Dec 2016 this change began. This new monster now comes out of him and I am shocked, baffled, scared and insulted at what he says. He is aggressive, defensive and very hurtful. Then he gets back into the man I married. He seems to suffer Psychosis and refuses to talk to anyone but me. Refuses to read anything about healing anything. Refuses to admit or accept his monster is dangerous and unchecked. All that would be fine, but I am the target of all his rage! Which is insane because when not in a rage he says his life is perfect with me. Then, that monster and wow! Its my fault if he stubs his toe, no joke, he just rages on and on.
Recently, he yelled at me for not filling out HIS pprwork for HIS interview. Yet, he never asked me to do it. We were in car and I said he needs to be prepared for meetings. Off he went!! Yelling at me in car, I yelled back and he grabbed me. I am 7 weeks pregnant. So this behavior can no longer be tolerated. He yells that everything is my fault, all his short comings, what he forgets, what doesnt go right, my fault!! WOW. Really? Wow. But then he goes back to the man I married.
I came here because only 1 time he said to me, and will never admit again: he hears voices, all the time. He has violent nightmares everynight. He doesnt thrash about or yell in his sleep, quite the peaceful sleeper. I asked him what these voices say and he say it’s sometimes telling him things, sometimes they talk amongst each other…and I asked if they tell him to hurt or kill and he said no. I say, not yet. I am terrified of this guy now.
I want to help, I feel horrible for his good soul, he is a good man…until this monster shows up. I know its not his fault, but when he attacks me, I can’t hug him and reassure him everything will be OK because I am licking my OWN wounds. Phew. And he says he needs my hugs and love, but he does not connect dots, like, at all. Cause and effect is not comprehended. Consequences is of no concern. So, he doesnt understand once he is done kicking me around and he returns to normal why I am in the corner licking my wounds. Wow.
I need to learn how to talk to him because I am a very straight person and maybe he needs another approach?. I am very nurturing but I cannot take the abuse and comfort him at the same time. Insanity. At this point I am moving…about 500 ft from our home. I have my baby and me to protect. I have no experience with hearing voices, just wanting some feedback, advise, or does anyone know what this is? Psychosis? BiPolar? Personality disorder?
I mean, we both come from excessive abuse by family members, so I understand that much of him although he denies everything. I am trying to be peaceful because I have had enough violence and drama in this lifetime. So, this is tearing me apart and in my state, I cannot afford to put my neck out for him anymore. How do I get him to get help? He said he will visit Dr, and not tell them anything, to shut me up. “Look, I went.” He is so beyond childish at times, and he’s 37! And about to be a Father for 1st time, 1st for both of us. I mean, wow. If having a kid doesnt snap him out of this, obviously it is a lot more serious than I was thinking all year long…I just want to live and for us all to be safe and happy. Now what? Thanks for reading this far <3
Oh, I just rmbred, when I get so upset I ask him to stop or to leave before we do something we regret, he will puff his chest and say “Ya! get mad!! Do it, love it!! YES!!!” I end up saying a sick * he is and to go * himself somewhere else. Ya, he pushes me beyond all my limits…I try to tell myself it’s not him, something else is happening…his monster is escalating and I already know what comes next, he’s been handsy with me now…I know what’s next.
