Anybody starting to suffer some health problems because of stress?


Exactly Leiann! I was so determined to not be the middle man anymore that I told my husband he had to attend Family to Family. He skipped out on three of the classes - which is a lot of material. He said it all made him sad. I end up dealing with his pain and idiocy and our son’s mental illness.

I think slw said her husband got better in his forties, my husband got somewhat better in his 40’s also.

Recently, during the big episode, he told me, that he thinks we can get through anything together. He needs to keep that in mind, because not taking care of Jeb, is not an option.


Hope - Oh my! Your husband could be my husband. How odd that it seems that our family dynamics are so similar. My husband is the same way…can’t be inconvenienced in any way. Doesn’t want to have to do anything for either of our kids and that is the way it’s been since they were born. I sometimes tell my kids “you do have another parent, you know?” Their response always is, “You know Dad won’t (fill in the blank).” Yes, boy do I. Might as well have been a single parent. Perhaps it was the generation we were born into? I work with men who are in their 30s and they help out a lot more with household chores and the children. I should have been born 20 years later. LOL.

My husband can do projects he wants to do with patience and fortitude and do an outstanding job, but if it’s something he is forced to do for the kids or sometimes even me, then he turns into the vision of frustration. He also has poor listening skills so I get to repeat myself over and over.

I try to explain the triggers with our son’s illness but he is so “self” focused, I don’t think it is worth my time to continue down this path. Although the other night during a rough spot, he witnessed for himself, me ask our son if he just needed a hug and our son responded with yes I do! So I gave him a long hug (in spite of the fact he hadn’t showered in who knows how long and was wearing clothes that had been on for days). That inspired my husband to ask if he could give him a hug too. Father and son hugged and our son dissolved into tears. I think he needs that from his dad and my husband, being so self centered, never thought to do that. I guess I have to give him instructions?!


LIsaS -YES- SELF FOCUSED, its the crux of the issues with my husband. When our first son was born and I needed to get my haircut, he freaked out that I expected him to watch our 4 week old son all by himself. I reminded him I did it all the time, he said he didn’t know how. I asked him if he thought there was an instruction manual I was hiding from him?

As the kids grew it stayed the same, he’d do stuff with the kids, but how fun is stuff when one of the “adults” can’t just relax and have fun?

Maybe twenty years later would have helped. He changed diapers, helped, but didn’t take parenting as a prime role in his life.

I was shocked when he began mourning the lack of grandchildren in his life - SERIOUSLY? Totally blew me away.


I’m going to take a cue from slw and just let what mine says about Jeb, go in one ear and out the other.


I did say that. The delusional stuff went away & he’s getting better around our son. I think the better around our son is a few things. Our son got worse this year, so you’d have to be a moron to not admit he was really, really ill. I went through menopause, so my hormones aren’t up & down anymore which really stabilize my emotions, so I don’t tolerate any craziness about our son now. If it starts, either he can leave or we will leave - but I don’t let it go on, and I’m very blunt about how he can’t be there if he’s making things worse. And, the fact that they’re only together one or two days a week gives them both some space & cooling off time.

He is still just about as bad with other things, like handling things when something’s gone wrong. He still complains a lot when he’s doing things he doesn’t want to do, and he gets just as aggravated with other drivers.

But, he’s getting better as he gets older. Maybe part of it is he’s starting to feel old & tired like the rest of us.

I wonder if we went back in time, with me knowing what I know now, if things would have been different - if I had reacted differently to his paranoia/etc from the start.


Hope - The first paragraph just made me laugh out loud. Thanks, I really needed that today! I tell my kids that all the time when they think I’m not doing such a great job as a mom. I remind them that they didn’t come with instruction manuals and that being a parent is the absolute hardest job I’ve ever done without any pay, bonuses, vacation or sick time!


Ugh! My ex husband was a defensive driver.


I think it is a mental issue for my husband. Reading up on cognitive behavior therapy and learning that some of the thought process is “jumping to conclusions” I think that’s how my husband’s head works when he drives. He doesn’t just see a car and think “oh that car wants over”. I believe he thinks “that driver is trying to pull in front of me on purpose”.


Good self analysis there. It’s good to be strong but it’s good to have trusted confident who just listen. Because there are no easy answers and sometimes we need a pleasant place to go to to just be normal. I recently have volunteered to help 2 different friends also facing difficult circumstances.
It reminds me that many people carry heavy burdens and they trust me enough to allow me to help out in small ways.

We are all part of the family of God and I think the spiritual support is key to peace of mind.

God bless your life and May there be angels who come to assist you.



How old is your son now?


He turned 30 on November 1st. At the end of July, he had a relapse, a second episode, and I had to have him committed for two weeks. I’m not over it yet. I had to protect him, though. He’s different than he was. I can see it. Poor guy. He’s such a good person. I’m not sure he trusts me like he did. Heartbreaking and unfair! Why do our loved ones have to suffer? Why do we?


My sons 30 too,it’s never too late don’t give up hope there’s light at the end of this tunnel , my love to you and your son ,stay strong😄