Came home today and found my son passed out in front of refrigerator. Head busted open. Oven on. My bedroom door busted open. Buffalo sauce all over my kitchen. He was unresponsive. Called ems and cit. Now sitting in er. How much more damage is going to have to happen bf they will commit him? I feel like all I do is hit brick walls when I try to have him commited for his sz and bpd plus drug abuse that is both prescription and street. I’m at a loss! And now that he is living with me, I’m also tired of the threats to harm me. What should my first step be to get him committed and it stick for more than 3 days!! I feel like I’m trying to lasso a mosquito!!
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Do you tell them he threatens to harm you?
I’ve read parents say that they exaggerate those threats plus mess up the house with overturned furniture before the authorities show up. I guess you didn’t have to do that.
They put my son on 2 involuntary holds for way less that what you’re dealing with. I’m beginning to feel very lucky that he came into contact with people who cared enough to send him to the hospital.
Someone posted on here about a hospital group that keeps people longer than most. They were complaining about it, of course - but it would also be an option to think about in your situation. I’ll see if I can find the post. The hospital my son went to belonged to that group, and they were nationwide.
And, at this hospital, they did 24 hour walk-in evaluations. If you could get him there, or get him transferred to one, maybe that would do the trick?
I’ve also been told that people usually go on those short 30-day holds (usually isn’t the full 30 days) a few times before they end up with the longer holds in the state hospitals where a lot of people stay 3 months or more.
*** This was the link. Maybe in your case, it would work to your advantage.
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Honestly, I don’t care if he’s my son, I wouldn’t put up with this shit. He’s like, what, 32, 33? It’s about time he takes responsibility for his own actions. Speak to the police and go to the court and find a way to get him permanently committed for mental illness. Tell them everything’s he’s done – including the threats and that you don’t want him at home anymore. They’ll have no choice but to take him in for a long period of time until he’s stabilized and no longer a danger to himself or to society. He doesn’t need rehab if he’s in a mental institution. I know you want to protect him, but I don’t think you’re protecting him at all, you’re just enabling a drug user and a person who’s just turning into an abusive scumbag.
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There’s no such thing as a permanent commitment… A week or two in a hospital is usual.
Maybe a group home, but that’s voluntary…
I’m sorry you had this happen but my immediate thought was “wow, that was an easy hospitalization” I agree, you should not have to do more to have him committed. I know you are in pain and I don’t want to be flippant. Usually by the time our son is hospitalized, he truly truly needs to be and there aren’t any good options left.
I have a couple of questions about where he is going for assessment. Early on, I took my son to where I would like to be admitted instead of the best hospital for psychiatric care. They would finally get him to take his meds and discharge after about 10-14 days. Now we go to University hospital and they transfer him to the state hospital.
A social worker finally told me that many of the hospitals are just not qualified to take on Sz patient for any length of time. I think the transfer is also hard on them in the long run and they are not getting the true care they need.
So I would just let them know that you can’t accept him back because you are afraid. You have been through so much and the drugs are only compounding the problem. You might not see how you can stop that but trust me once you start setting limits and stop enabling, it will lessen. I don’t believe we should be afraid to live in our own homes.
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Sure there is, just ask @vscjunk2261 and read her story. You can always go to court and get a lawyer to represent you to have your family member committed if they’re a danger to themselves and society (the person filing the action included), which Sheyelo’s son definitely fits the definition of that.
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Here, if someone is sick enough to go to one of the state hospitals, it’s usually for over a month.
Some stay much longer than that.
But, I think you have to be really, really sick for that to happen.
It has helped a lot of people though. One of the ladies at the support group I attend has a son who spent about a year at one. When he came out, they arranged a small apartment for him and he’s been living on his own with their support and he’s been doing really well. It’s in another part of the state, but he came to visit her for the holidays and went out on a trip with some friends & relatives, and did a lot of the stuff a normal person his age would do.
Of course, things aren’t perfect, and she worries, but they were pretty good last time I went to the group.
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Yep, my son went there three times. He lived that he could smoke there but i got the impression they played to insurance way more than the patient. I really appreciate this article. We have six of those hospitals in our state.
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My son liked that he could smoke there too, but it was kind of like jail in a lot of ways.
For example, we had to visit on the ward in the day room and we couldn’t bring them any outside food or anything. My friend admitted his daughter somewhere else for depression & self-harm (she’s 15), and he could taker her out of the ward as long as they didn’t leave the hospital, so he’d take her down to the Subway for a meal. Actually, that’s good & bad. If I took my son off that ward, I wouldn’t have gotten him back on his own. It would have been nice to bring him a burger & fries or something though.
At the hospital he was in, I did see a lot of the staff be very kind to some of the patients when they were having a hard time, and they certainly didn’t keep my son there any longer than they needed to. We have private insurance with no limits other than whatever the agreed-upon rate is. They could have kept him there for a month or more & they would have gotten paid.
I also liked their intake better than the intake at our closest regular hospital with a dedicated mental health unit.
I don’t doubt that the article is accurate, but I did want to mention that our experience wasn’t all bad.
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We went to the courthouse and filed the paperwork to have him committed and he was there at least nearly two months. This was after being hospitalized for ten days. We also filed for guardianship at the same time in order to get him the treatment he needed. He was interviewed by his court appointed attorney while still in the hospital. The trial was emotionally the hardest thing I’ve had to do but necessary.
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Well you guys won’t believe this but on second thought you probably will. We just called the police on our son who busted a window, smashed a glass of milk all over the floor and proceeded to try to lift the table with lamp and everything on it and shake it, and break our refrigerator door. So three officers show up an hour later and one of which is a CIT officer and despite his violent behavior they would not take him in. He told them that he would go willingly with me and was calm when he showed up. I don’t feel comfortable in a car with him right now. They said they would call an ambulance and he has an incredible fear of ambulances, but when I called I told them he was t injured and they said to call the police. so it looks like his dad and I will take him in tomorrow.
Despite his taking 20 mg zyprexa he is psychotic and is having very frightening delusions so I don’t know if I’ll even be able to make it through the night. This is the first time I’ve had officers refuse to take him to the hospital. I just can’t believe it really. He will calm down, then explode. Get this, one of the officers is a CIT officer.
This is the first and I really don’t like it. My heart is breaking right now.
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Call the police or an ambulance now, maybe they’ll have different officers. While on call, explain to them that he has a fear of ambulances and must be sedated. They can bring the EMT into your home and put an IV, then sedate him and carry him onto the rolling bed and drive him to the hospital. Say you cannot have him at home like this and you’re very scared for you and your husband’s safety after what he did. If for whatever reason – which would be completely insane why they would not bring in either to take him to a hospital – they refuse, try giving him another dose of Zyprexa. I don’t know what’s the maximum, but it couldn’t hurt. I had to give my fiancé 2 extra Hydroxyzines because he had a panic attack after I washed the blanket (he’s allergic to detergents, but I used a natural one for babies – same one I used for the clothes he was currently wearing). I’ve also given him an extra dose of Seroquel. Make a complaint if the police department does not comply; and honestly, I don’t know why the ambulance didn’t bring him in either – he’s injured, in whatever state a patient may be, they must attend to them and give them proper care, even if they have to strap them by force. Go to the hospital in that case and then make an earlier appointment with his psychiatrist for a medication change or increase of dosage.
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Well, he finally slept and so did we. In looking back on the whole situation, and trying to understand the logic behind last night or lack there of, here are my thoughts. In calming down my son to prevent an altercation with police, they didn’t see him as a threat. In picking up and cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, I destroyed the evidence. I have wood floors and it is my instinct. When I had my son’s coat on him as they arrived, I appeared to be telling them what to do. They couldn’t get that situation in their heads anymore than I could their flimsy excuse why they couldn’t drive him to the hospital.
I’m between a rock and a hard place. I live in the country which helps my son in one way but limits him in care. In trying to protect him, we have forfeited our lives to a large degree. Just because we make it work from day to day.
I guess I realize how alone we really are out here. I understand now when people say “they only step in when there is violence”, I guess in this case, they only step in if there is a human casualty.
I told the officer he was violent and that I had taken him to the hospital many times but tonight he was behaving so unpredictability that I didn’t feel safe driving him the hour on an interstate to get him there. I told him that I had taken him to the hospital two weeks ago and he left the car and disappeared outside the hospital. My husband was clearly exhausted. He had been with him all day. Nothing I said mattered. My son was inside my vehicle where they told him to go and they didn’t see a problem. It’s not like I call them all the time either. They are a last resort. I was not hysterical but calm.
Does it have to take blood to get their attention?
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Maybe you should call them more often. Then, they’d get tired of it and take him.
We have friends who live in the country, who really shouldn’t live together. They both drink, and they’re both mean drunks, and it gets ugly. This past week, the officers came (sheriff’s dept) and left, then came back the next day and arrested them both and put restraining orders on both of them so they can’t live together without at least one of them going back to jail until all the charges go through the court.
In fact, I bailed one out, and was told if I wasn’t comfortable for any reason with her behavior, I could rescind the bail & they would pick her back up. If I find out she’s back with him, living there or just meeting elsewhere, I will do exactly that because I’m all about the tough love until it comes to my son.
Anyway, if it were me, and I’d got to the point I needed help, I would call whenever I truly needed to. Even if they don’t take him to the hospital, they will get to know him (important so if he gets out in public there without you & anything happens) and they will know it’s not a one-time thing.
I still live in the suburbs, but my husband is out in the country more often than not. I’ve found the sheriff & deputies out there to be pretty nice guys and it’s a small department. Maybe you can go in & talk to the sheriff & explain your son’s history & your current issues in a calm manner, and next time will go a little differently. If it was me, no matter how calm I was in the beginning, I’d be crying before I got through it all. It embarrasses me to do that, but I can’t help it, and it does seem to do the trick almost every time.
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I completely understand you. Never clean up evidence though, it’s essential.
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He went off again today and I called EMS. The police showed up (3 cars, 5 officers) and he involuntarily told them he needed help and wanted to go talk to someone. They missed the screaming but his blood pressure was up and they saw their drama. The dispatch heard the screaming from inside the house and threats. Something was hurting him, raping him, and he was screaming for them to leave the house.
I told her I was afraid that he would inflict pain on himself and they noticed his hand was swollen and red. They are taking him to University hospital which will then take him to the state hospital. And hopefully this time he will gain insight and stay on meds. His dad wants him to go to a group home in the city.
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I’m both sad & happy for you guys - and hopeful.
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Me too and exhausted. Thank you.
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Get some rest & try not to think about it for a little bit.
I know - easier said than done.
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I’m sorry that you’re all going through this and I hope he gets help there. He really needs it. I don’t know why psychistrists go so long without changing the patient’s medications. They may be good at math and science, but for most of them common problem solving and insightfulness aren’t in their list of skills.
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