Hi all,
I had a 8 years relationship with a schizophrenic. the story is very long and you can find it in this forum, in one of my posts ( I think I mda 2 or 3). Since 2 years and a half though we were long distance because he went to his country to get help and his pension. for one year he got a social house, then came back to my country for 6 months but realized he would have lost his pension and went back to his country, finally his mom decided to help and he got a normal apartment. But since then he started to behave weirdly, he started to meet people and he didn’t tell me, told me to text less because I was harrassing him ( I texted as always) I felt like pushed away. Anyway we had some talks and I told him I was considering to move there as a solution. Then I went to visit him ( not moving yet) to talk about this in october and he broke up with me saying he wanted to be alone and didn’t want a relationship but he still loved me. I left I was hurt. Then he contacted me saying that maybe he had an episode and he would have talked with the doctors…that he didn’t know and wanted to keep a non-relationship where we continued talking and texting, he was texting every day and we had several calls. We spoke for 3 months, then he said he missed me. I asked if he wanted to meet again and I went in january. he called me girlfriend with others but when I asked what we were, if we were friends with benefits ( since he was saying he wanted to be alone) and he said more than that but not a couple. I asked if I found a job and learnt the language if he would have accepted me he said yes. So I tried and I told him my progresses, he told me not to look for a job untill I spoke the language well or I would have lost opportunities and it was annoying that I was looking for a job and to not rush things. I said ok because in a way it made sense, so I studied and I improved. But I still had doubts so I asked if it was uselfull to learn and he said no, that I was crazy and annoying for asking. I went in april also, things seemed fine…he told me that if it was my solution I could have gone there…at some point in may I told him that if I found a job here in my country I could not visit so much (I was hoping he would have said come or I will visit) but he told I cannot have everything and this way I would have made money. He told me to be patient that there are also other people in this situation, the husband works abroad and so on. This is true but I was available to move there immediately and maybe there I would have learnt fast and they would have helped me finding a job. Then I asked if I had to visit end of july-august he said no that he had stuff to do, he told me september. I said september is too far away and I can’t predict what happens, he told me I was annoying. I asked if beginning of july was ok he said yes. One day I called him to say HI and he told me the relationship was annoying we should have stopped it before. I explained to him I was doing all the hard work and it was him that didn’t want me to move. He told me that I would have never made it, to find a job in my country and he would have found a solution. I said there was no solution because he had to stay there, the only solution was me moving. I told him we could have talked about it in july and he would have let me know what to do about it. He said ok we will talk. But after some days he called me and told me not to go, that he wanted to break up because he wanted to be alone and he could not keep me waiting on something he can’t provide, he said he lost this feeling that make him want to try, that he wanted to die and other things ( he always says these things).He said that he was not transparent and that he was starting to know. He tells me he wants to be alone but he has a rich social life and told me he wants basic interactions not deep interactions. I asked to meet anyway to talk as my departure was soon. He said yes but spent the following days trying to convince me not to go while saying also “I will be happy to see you” " I think it’s important". in the end 2 days before he called me and screamed at me that he didn’t want it, that if I went I would have stayed only 1 day, that it was too hot and so on. He told me I will call you later he never did and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t sleep, I missed the flight because I didn’t know what was best since he didn’t want. But that morning he texed and asked if everything was alright, then I told him I didn’t go and he was relieved he said it was better, there will be other occasions and we had to keep talking I asked if I shoudl go later he said yes I think it’s important…come in a few weeks before your return ticket or after summer we talked a lot I addressed his concerns about sleeping in the same house, I asked to think if there was a form of relationship he could sustain, he said he would have thought about it. I called again to ask if I had to go and he told me no, it was not a good idea and didn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t text me anymore like before, he said he calls me tomorrow but often he doesn’t. He told me he wants to keep in touch because I am important and he wants to help me because it is difficult…that if I want I can contact him. I am heartbroken and I feel betrayed…I asked him if he considered that his feelings were flattened by the medication and the illness he said he though about it but he thinks not and will call me if he finds out. I love this person very much, but I feel pushed away (If you read the whole story you will understand better). Now I honestly don’t know what to do, I miss him so much but if he doesn’t love me and I love him so much how can I keep in contact? I ask myself if it’s the illness or him…I am hoping he changes his mind but it seems he will not. I don’t know why I wrote this post…to vent I guess…Hoping some one had a similar experience and the person decided to come back again, what Should I do? I feel lost, I am suffering it’s like going through hell. He really cut me off this time