I’ve been with my boyf (who has sz) for just under a year. A few months into our relationship he suddenly came off his meds but seemed fine off them. Around Thanksgiving I noticed a change in him though. We rowed constantly and whilst I was aware stress can trigger episodes with him, I felt I couldn’t back down on the way he was treating me. Then suddenly he wanted me out of his apartment as he felt claustrophobic and felt I was everywhere. So I moved my stuff out and stopped sleeping over. Every time we argued, he would blame me but then would always be so sorry and apologetic after. I always thought we could work through all our problems.
Things started to take a turn for the worse earlier this year. He heard voices almost every day, rows constantly, aggressive outbursts but I was always the person who comforted him and calmed him down. In his clearer moments afterwards, he would always thank me for looking after him and tell me he loved me. As weeks passed he became more and more withdrawn from me, like I was the last person he wanted to see or hear from. The doctor again advised him to go on the meds but he refused. So, then about two weeks ago he finished with me. He seemed so cold and distant. He blamed the relationship for his problems. I was heart broken and nearly questioned my own health wondering if I’d just imagined our relationship and his feelings for me over the past year.
Within days of that he went back on his meds very suddenly. I begged him to not give up on our relationship now that he was on the meds. He refused, saying he needed to get his health sorted. Two days later he messages me asking how I’m doing and now he messages me really nice stuff on and off most days. I met him yesterday and he became upset when he saw me and told me he loved me but that he didn’t want to be with me as he needed to sort his head out. He told me he was getting involved in a recovery program. I told him I loved him and wanted to be the person by his side to help.
So then, he called to my apartment tonight with some stuff from his place belonging to me. We talked and he told me he loved me but that I needed to move on and that I’ll find someone better. He keeps saying he can’t be in a relationship as they’re too hard for him to deal with and he wants to sort himself out. He said he can’t ask me to wait for that as he may decide he wants to be single then. We hugged and then kissed, and he tells me again he loves me but has to leave me. He showed no sadness in saying that to me.
My heart is broke in a million pieces. He said he can’t remember part of the last few months so it seems like I fought and cried so hard over the past few months to help him and keep our relationship going and now be doesn’t remember any of it or all the help I gave him when he was really struggling.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t just move on. We had an amazing relationship and I can’t live with regrets in my life as big as this… I just don’t know what I can do to get our relationship back. Does it sound like he’ll come back to me? Or do I not contact him? I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m completely devastated and heartbroken.