Hi- I am looking to see if I screwed up or tried my best. My brother has become increasingly paranoid over the past year - first accusing my father of sabotaging him at work, then his fiance for cheating. He began taking meds early last winter to start dealing with these paranoid thoughts ( took down smoke detectors because they were recording him/ smashed cell phones he thought were bugged, accused finace of having an affair with her sister… it has been non stop) He has been taking medication and told us he wanted to handle on his own so we backed off and trusted him and his finace were handling. He does have a tendency for violence in outbursts - sometimes directed at people but more often than not at objects.
He was married over the summer - and we were all highly involved with the wedding - he seemed to enjoy the family company ( we have always been very close). Upon returning from his honeymoon - he pulled away and has not been interacting with family like normal. Then he sent us messages saying we were sending him secret messages when we were speaking to him and he couldn’t be around us (me, mom and dad) anymore.
Assured him we were not sending messages and had no idea what he meant - but told him we would be waiting for him when he figured out what was going on.
3 weeks goes by and my brother reaches out to say he knows his fiance had an affair with our other brother (not true) and that he could move on now as a family since “the game is up” - assured him I dis not believe he was thinking properly and couldn;t continue an unhealthy conversation.
SIL then tells me - he is the sickest human she has ever met - he hasn;t worked in over 2 weeks to harass her about whether she cheated on him - told me he destroyed their kitchen and held a knife to his wrists threatening to cut if she wouldn;t tell him the truth about the affair. I guess things calmed down and myself, and other brother have been giving him space.
Today I get word he will be starting a partial inpatient program to treat this illness and we can all be a family again - so happy
Tonight I get a call from SIL stating she was leaving him, he got a tattoo on his forehead stating “loyalty” and she can’t deal anymore. Her and a friend of hers were looking for a safe place to sleep and didn;t know what else to do. I said it sounded like he needed to be admitted immediately and they agreed.
I called the police to perform a well being check as I was genuinely concerned. He was calm when police were there and then he has been threatening me all night if I do not stay away from him. I am not engaging.
I guess I just want this written out and off my chest because it was so painful and I was really in fear for his wellbeing. He starts a program tomorrow - is high on xanax- and went and tattoo’d his face! Plus he has made threats to harm himself and others ( now including killing me since I called the cops on him) and I do not want to be someone who ignores all these red flags - especially with his wife and her best friend stating that they were sacred to even go into the friends house - because my brother knows where she lives and they were nervous.
Bottom line - now his wife is back at home with him and I am the horrible human for reaching out in what I thought was an appropriate crisis. I knwo they have been fighting all night and I worry it will escalate. I guess I am wondering - if our relationship repairs - and this ever happens again - should I have handled differently? He has no care team currently in place i can contact - spent the night last night at the ER to get admitted to this partial inpatient program - then went out and acted recklessly and I was told he was acting erratic.
I do not feel bad for contacting police as I really was looking out for his best interest - but this did not help 