Hello, at first I just want to say, that I am not english talking person, and I am probably going to make some mistakes in my grammar. My name is Andy, and I am 21 years old. My life is falling apart, like those choises I make in my life is not up to me and there is nothing I can do about it. I am looking for any advices.
My problems started about one year ago, when I could’t keep up with the studys. So I took an academic year (I did not have to go to university for one year), but when the time was over, and I had to study again, I was not able to attend to school again, because I was afraid of other students, what are they going to think about me. But I am pretty smart kid, my avarege mark when I finished high school was 9.1 out of 10, and I have high IQ, you have to know this, because I should not have problems with studys, atleast my family thinks so. But when I am in public, I feel like everybody is staring at me, and in some way I can hear what are they thinking about - I am weird, there is something wrong about me, I am a freak. In some way this is the reason, why I don’t want to go in public anymore. Even my family is starting to get me angry and I don’t want to see them that often anymore. If there wasn’t my girlfriend, I would isolate myself from everyone and everything, but she is the one, who allways changes my mind.
That’s not all, I feel like I can’t concetrate (for example it is hard for me to understand what others are saying, because my thougts are stronger than their stories), I often forget what I have to do, even if it is really important. It is hard for me to talk with others, because I don’t know what to say, I can’t keep up
with the conversation. Often I feel like I am not in reality, everything is slipping by and there is only my thougts (for example I drive my car, but I can’t understand where am I going or what is happening at all). I can hear a voice calling my name many times a row, but with everytime it is getting quieter and quieter when eventually it stops, and there is this feeling that someone is screaming at me really loud, this voice ain’t saying nothing, there is only this feeling and it makes me feel really nervous.
Hobbys I had ain’t intersting to me anymore, I was really good at bmx sport, I liked video games so much, but now everything feels so boring, that I just don’t want to do it anymore. Everytime I go out it feels like someone is following me, and I have to look behind because this feeling is so strong, and when I am left alone at home, I can hear some noises like there is someone in the apartment, but I allways lock the doors. For last two months I have been using alcohol every day before sleep, because it makes my thougts quiter, I can’t sleep without beeing drunk. When I look in the mirror, the person who is looking back at me - that’s not me, because the guy that I see can’t be the one, who is ruining my life, I don’t feel connected with the reflection.
I don’t want to go to doctor or talk about it with my family, because I have read so many articles about mental diseases, that maybe some part of me story could be only my imagination, how can I be sure?
And the last thing I want to mention - I have been thinking about suicide so many times, that it is starting to scare me, because it feels like my life is based on lies, like no one can understand me and there is no excuses to choises I have made in my life.
Hello, we are family members of people with serious mental illness.
If you were my dear family member, I would ask you to please keep yourself safe. If you are thinking of suicide too much, please find a counselor or even go the Emergency Room of a hospital if you are in the US.
Whatever difficulties you have, whether or not you have an illness, you are loved and important to many people.
I do think a doctor might be able to help you.
Try to eat well and sleep well. Try to drink plenty of water. Using alcohol or illegal drugs will make you feel worse.
There might be a prescription medication that can help you feel much better.
I want you to be able to look into the mirror and see yourself safe, healthy, and whole. Some of the symptoms you describe are those of mental illness. Mental illness is medical illness.
Maybe you would find some better-informed help in the part of the forum where people diagnosed with one of these illnesses post:
You will need to make a different account with a different password for the other forum. All of us here on both forums want you to feel better and get the support that will help you.
Your English is excellent
This definitely sounds like something is not right and you should seek medical help from a psychiatrist. I would schedule an appointment as soon as you can. The sooner you do, the sooner they can try to help. Once you know what the cause is for how you are feeling, your family can start to help you. We just recently started going through a similar process with our daughter who is 10.
Before those problems started, everything in my life was going pretty good I would say. I’m with my girlfriend for six years now, three of those years we have been living in our own apartment. I was having good grades at university. I had many friends, so many things to do in my free time. But in one moment everything changed, I have been ruining my life for so long now, but I can’t understand why is this happening. I don’t want to make bad decisions anymore, but it feels like I can’t affect it at all. I just want to be normal like everybody else do. My girlfriend is a medical student, and she thinks that most of those things I have told her, is only my imagination, so I am afraid of going to psychiatrist or talking about it with my family.
None of what you’ve described is your imagination. People who are not familiar with mental illness cannot understand that. I didn’t understand it myself until recently. It’s not something you have ANY control over but with medication, therapy, and help, you may be able to regain some. I know it’s scary but it’s the most important step which is recognizing there is a problem and asking for help.
I am so sorry for how you are feeling. It is hard to deal with those feelings but definitely get some help. The easiest start might be if you have a family doctor or a local clinic you can go to-- to get a referral for further evaluation. Be sure to tell them exactly how unsettled and detached you feel. Be sure to include how much alcohol you need to sleep and how you have thought of harming yourself. Truth is very important. The professionals must know this to get you the right kind of help. Ask for a translator if you need to, most places have them available…You can feel better with help and time and your willingness to accept help. I do not know you personally but I can honestly say that I would like you to be well and safe and hopefully in time happier and more at peace with yourself…you absolutely matter…Please above all stay as safe as you can while you seek help. If you are feeling too far out of control and unsafe( even with yourself) please call this number right away. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline >>Call 1-800-273-8255
Andy, please don’t be afraid to go to the doctor. You do need help and this is serious. My son was able to sleep well after he took medicine. Many are able to continue their studies. Know that you are loved.
Andy, you are to be commended for reaching out. That took courage. It’s ok to be scared, what you are experiencing is frightening. Please go and see a doctor. Do this while you are still able to clearly talk about what is happening and before it gets any worse. It might not get worse, but go anyway. They are professionals and won’t react the way family and friends might.
Take care and keep posting and let us know how it goes.
Hello Andy. Thanks so much for reaching out to this group. Like you, my son was a 21 year old college student having a typical life when he began changing. Confusion, insecurity, isolating, inability to concentrate, failing classes, getting lost while driving…these were all happening to him over a period of 1 year and then he started hearing voices and thinking that people were watching him and were going to kill him. As his parents we were very worried for him and insisted he see a doctor immediately. He resisted for about a month because he was afraid. Eventually the decision was made for him and he was in a hospital for a week. Once his condition was treated he began improving. It has been 2 years and he is working, is back in college finishing his degree, and is thinking more clearly and is more content. Thank goodness for that! It sounds as if something similar is happening to you. The only was to remedy this is medical intervention. The sooner you get treatment, the better your long term prognosis will be. I really encourage you to go your nearest emergency department or other urgent care to get assistance today. Your girlfriend may not have enough training yet to advise you on this serious matter. Please update us when you can. This is a medical emergency. Wishing you well💛
Thank you all for your support and advices. Now I am determined to see a doctor, and that is what I am going to do. I was afraid of telling anyone about this, because I was not sure about anything, but from your posts I understood that it is important to seek for a help as fast as I can.
Thank you.
I am very relieved to hear that. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am so happy that you’re going to get some help. Hopefully you’ll be back on track in the near future☺
I am so very glad you will be getting help, please keep us posted on how things go, you are not alone. 
That’s wonderful news Andy! All of us will be here and ready to hear more about your journey. Sometimes the medical community can be a little frustrating but don’t let that deter you. Politely request help and don’t give up until YOU feel better, not when others say you should.
There is hope. Others have voices and fear people are watching them. They use coffee ,cigarettes, alcohol to drown the voices. My son is on meds that make him feel zombie for awhile but it passes and he is able to make his own food, clean his apartment and talk to people. He takes meds again before bedtime, then needs to be alone. He can laugh again and tell stories of long ago. He eats very little dairy and gluten.
Hello, I just want to say that I have to wait 7 more days to see the doctor, and that is fine with me. But lately I am starting to feel even worse. 6 days ago for the first time I felt something that I would call a seizure. For the first three days it just was this strange feeling, like I am starting to lose my mind, reality felt far away, like I was having a dream while I am still awake. It lasts for about half an hour, maybe an hour. But now for last three days those seizures are getting even more stronger. It feels like reality is even more further. It is hard to hear what my girlfriend is saying or see what is happening around me. I am starting to shake, like in a cold weather, and I don’t know if I am doing it myself or is just happening, but I can’t stop it for sure. I can get really angry or start to cry, but there is no reason to feel those emotions. It’s is hard to say something, because there is such a mess in my thoughts. When I start to feel better, it get’s easier to communicate and think, but I can’t remember what happened with me. In my memory there is only a few seconds or minutes of the whole seizure. Has anyone of you ever heard about something like this?
Thanks, Andy
It happens only once a day, for six days now. And it can happen at any time of the day, but only at home.
If it’s temporary and you’re not at risk of injury and you’re not taking anything, you may be okay to wait it out. If you’re concerned there’s a couple options you can choose:
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Try to get an appointment with a general practitioner who can order some tests to rule things out. AND/OR See if you can move up your existing appointment into a more urgent status based on your symptoms. Describe them as you did here.
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Visit an urgent care center if you feel you can’t wait for your appointment but not that your life is at risk.
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Go to the local ER and request an evaluation for possible seizures and mental illness. Let them know your symptoms and what you’re experiencing and request a referral for inpatient treatment at a mental health facility. They’ll evaluate you, do blood work and take your vitals, have you talk to a doctor and if you meet the criteria refer you to an inpatient facility.
One thing I would definitely do is keep a journal with you and record the date and time of these episodes, as well as what you were doing. Recording these things might help you to find patterns and help to identify specific symptoms. You might also want your girlfriend to go with you to your appointments for support and additional validation. She might be able to shed some light on things you miss. But up to you (and her) as to how far you want that to go. I don’t know enough about your relationship to know if that’s a good call, I just know having support can really help.
All of this depends on your circumstances and preferences as to which path to take. You’re the patient and you’re in control. Ultimately, you’re in charge and it’s up to you to demand a solution that works for you from the medical community. Remember, their job is to help you, that’s what they are paid to do and there’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.
Good luck Andy! I’m rooting for you!
I would go to the ER the next time it happens. Not because it is life or death but because it will get you treatment right away. You may be admitted, but don’t be scared. Getting intensive trreatment now will greatly increase the likelihood of a complete recovery.
Plus, you don’t know that these symptoms are due to a mental illness. It could be any number of medical things. Get it checked out👍
While you may not want to - I highly recommend you go to get an evaluation at a local psychological clinic or early psychosis treatment center. Here are some lists for them around the world - you can probably also talk to the psychology counseling center at the university where you are - many of the Universities have these.
Here are the lists: