I sometimes feel that I caused my husband to have this episode of illness.
He’s had schizophrenia since he was 15-years-old. However, when I met him, he was able to manage his symptoms. He had a very successful career, he was witty, quick and fun. Two years after we met, we were able to afford a beautiful home where we love now. It’s a big mortgage, but with both of us working, we could afford it.
I didn’t understand schizophrenia the way I do now. I fear I caused so much stress by “living the dream” that I caused this episode of psychosis. I know that his schizophrenia isn’t due to me, but the pressure to work and be successful may have been too much.
I’m attempting to work this backwards. I’m currently trying to sell our home and move into a house that we can afford with only my income. Sadly, the market is very poor right now, and it’s bad timing. I don’t care about a beautiful house anymore. Health and happiness is so much more important.
I wish desperately that I could turn back time.
Yeah I wish I could turn back time alright. I have come to find value in sobriety that I never had when I was younger before I got sick. It really was pointless to take all those drugs. Enjoyable at the time, but really my habits lead me nowhere.
I hope everything works out for you. At least you got to live the dream for a while, I’m sure your husband enjoyed that as well. Good on you for loving a schizo, we really need that kind of support. So I wish to thank you for that indirect effect on me. It gives me hope. Hope you have a good holiday season!
I came across this phrase on the old forum and it’s called the 3 C’s. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. You can only do what you know at the time.
I doubt you caused much of any grief or made his problem worse by loving him too much and being there for him.
If anything, I’d say you were a blessing for him.
Sometimes I think people feel guilt as an unconscious desire to have control. It is easier to blame yourself for your husband’s illness than it is to confront the possibility that he could be struck down by chance - at random. You did what you thought was right. Don’t beat yourself up.
What a wonderful comment! I’m stressed to the max but you put a smile on my face! Thank you for that. I wish you the best as well! 
Mama,
The only thing I see you doing wrong here is taking the full blame of the situation on yourself. I am sure everything was a mutual decision. We as people, regardless if we had been diagnosed with this or not, have a desire to feel needed, and I can’t speak for men because I am a woman, but I am sure that a man needs to feel as if he is doing everything in his power to provide “the dream”. He may possibly be feeling like he let you down… I know that I lost everything thanks to my symptoms but I don’t blame anyone. I know I feel like I’ve let everyone I love down. The most encouraging and greatest thing I’ve heard lately came from my Dad… He told me how proud he is of me.
Maybe take a new perspective of what “the dream” is to the two of you, Society is not always correct.
Stay strong…
Thank you, I needed to hear that one.
**Hi Mamalove~
i think its great that youre moving " backwards " in regard to the way you are living. I think so many are down grading, or downsizing. Its a good thing in my opinion, who know where it will lead... You know this isnt your fault! No matter what your husband chose to do–the grown-up world is full of stressors.
I think your headed in the right direction. **