I don’t want this to sound emotionally manipulative. My father had depression prior to me getting sick. Then I went from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat and was a complete mess. My father’s depression then evolved into bipolar, which is what my stepmother had too. I spent 4 years in a hospital, and when I finally came home, he told me “You are a complete and utter embarrassment. You turned into a huge disappointment to me and the rest of the family.”
So to all of you caregivers, I salute you. You are making your loved ones’ life better and giving them a ray of hope. I, and many other patients at the time, had little to no support…a big reason why we weren’t discharged for some time, if ever.
So when your loved one curses you out over the phone, or acts belligerently, or misbehaves the way a 2-year-old would, don’t take it personally. If you do, your heart will turn dark. Then you will stop caring about them. And then, ultimately, they will have nowhere to go, and no one to have care about them. How would that make the average person feel? It is magnified by orders of 100 if the person has schizophrenia.
I’ve already dropped out of college once but my family expects me to go back to community college transfer to another college and finish a bachelors degree and get a job and get married. It’s like they think that just because I take the meds everyday I’ll live a normal life. I’m not as confidant in myself. My family doesn’t call me a failure but I think that about myself everyday.
This is why no matter how bad an illness is, there is a lesson and hopefully a good reason in it. I feel we are here to learn compassion even if its in bad circumstances. I hope I’m right.
When I asked my mom if I disappointed her,
all she could say was “I had 4 kids, 3 of which were chocolate chip cookies, and the last was a snickerdoodle.”
**@Hatty I am so sorry about your son. i know its scary not knowing where he is, but I know you will hear from him soon! If you guys knew how helpful it has been for me to read your posts, you would be beaming :sunny:! It has taken me a long time to come to this particular point with my son ( him too! ) All I ever want is for him to be peaceful and happy with himself. I wish I could take his paranoia away. Apparently, he has ( for now) decided to live off of meds. Ive really seen that he is still there, and struggling to help himself in a different way. I have to respect him and listen.
The fact that he has made it this far is amazing to me, and makes me proud.
There are no failures. **
I think you are unfortunate in that at the same time as dealing with your own SMI you have to deal with your dad’s SMI. As I understand it your Dad’s BP may express itself as grandiose ambitions for you as well as him, as well as the desire to control those around him. I think that sort of comment should be seen as HIS disease talking.
He has been found and he has been sectioned now. My sister is going to see him. I have just bought my ticket. So hopefully he will find some relief and we can put together a good care plan that he likes.
All families are different. For my brother, I know he judges himself harder then we do. He’s said many times that he hasn’t forgiven himself about situations in the past. It makes me a little sad that he still focuses on things and tries to make up things that I’ve long forgotten about.
I don’t think our parent’s blamed themselves for his Sz, but they did blame themselves when it came up how addicted to alcohol and drugs he was.
I don’t see my brother as a failure either. My oldest brother is my hero, and I’m really proud of him.
My self-stigma is so strong, I am unable to accept the compliments coming to me from my family members. I need to learn to accept their compliments. To echo Saurav, it’s not what other people think of me, it’s what I think of myself.
Thanks SzAdmin for the comment on black and white thinking.
This is a remnant of the old sz theory that bad parenting had something to do with it. That stuff went out 50 years ago.
I reassure my Mom, you did everything right. and she knows at least some of my brothers and sisters are ‘normal’
Now my Dad knows there was something crazy in His Mom’s family. But that was a dark secret never Ever discussed.
My parents lied to them about my first break saying ‘I hit my head’ I think.
My grandmother figured it out I think because she had 2 brothers that killed them selves. (but that was back in the olden days 1940s before modern meds.)
I write emails to both parents thanking them for everything because you just never know how long they’ll be here.
Now that my own son is 22, I thank God my genes were diluted enough to break the chain.
MisterCollie,
I agree with you. People who judge SZ peeps do not clearly see them and their judgment comes from their own ignorance and the darkness in their hearts. The SZ people who have been in my life are absolutely beautiful souls who I have and do love very much.
Waiting for your son to accept his illness and choose recovery, medication and therapy is one of the most difficult times. When they are ready it will happen.
We are all going through something with our loved ones. We just have to be strong and it helps knowing that we are not alone in this fight. I will pray for you both as I pray for my own son that things will get better.
I’m going to go down and talk to my son while I can communicate. This is the hardest part about this illness. The roller coaster of symptoms that take them from you and then give you hope only to rip it away later. Don’t mean to sound negative but it’s been a tough day. I’m sorry and will pray things improve.
I’m taking care of my step-grandson because his parents threw him out of the house because he made a mistake in judgment and they refuse to let him come back.
I am thankful I have the opportunity to get to know him and spend time with him almost every day. I love him more than anything and will do anything I can to help him cope and survive.
I knew nothing about sz three months ago, but I know now that it is a disease that literally destroys brain matter and effects his behavior. I look at it as a disability, probably the worst possible to have to live with - I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to even get through a day wondering what is real and what is not.
I don’t discuss his illness with anyone because I know unless a person has direct contact with it, they couldn’t possibly understand what it means.
I tell him every day how proud I am of him.
