My son has schizophrenia. He is divorced. Suffering from delusions. CPS is involved. Mom I believe will uses this to remove custody.
The incident that happened was a parenting fail not abuse. Mom keeps framing it as abuse. Here is the really tough part…some of her actions, well she is good at minimization of her faults at his expense. There is no perfect family; Facebook not withstanding. She presents well and my son does not but both are good parents who clearly love their children.
My parents were foster parents for most of my childhood. I fully get child endangerment abuse and neglect. Were this going on in my grandchildren’s lives I would have stepped in long ago. My son is very aware of this. These children do not have behavioral issues. They are clean and well cared for by both parents. The children in fact, deal better with their dad’s illness than mom does. The parent child bond is strong.
Long story short stress has exacerbated delusions of persecution. From my vantage point however, there does appear to be some plan of using the illness to minimize his rights and a new blended family on the horizon which validates persecution feelings. This will crush him.
My experience with CPS however is over 30 years old. Back in the day prior to knee jerk reactions on social media. I know they are under tremendous pressure and backlash. But I also know real abuse is far greater than struggling with hurt feelings or poor interpersonal dynamics. The strange behavior of schizophrenia is stigmatized which does not help at all.
So I am wondering if anyone has experience with this recently?
I am so sorry this is happening to your son, especially if he is doing well as a parent. Yes, the stigma of parental mental illness seems to weigh heavily in cases involving children.
I know of one similar situation, and unfortunately, it has not gone well for the male parent involved. He lost custody in court and life is shattered. He felt she exaggerated the situation, and probably she did, but he can’t see his 13 year old son at all right now. He should have had a good lawyer from the beginning, which might have, or might not have, changed the current outcome. Part of the problem is that judges simply lean toward giving custody to the woman in many situations, even without MI being involved.
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I agree there is a real bias towards the moms. In this case he has been a stay at home dad for 7 years. He has a bond with his children. She keeps throwing around the word “abuse”. And she seems to think CPS is a good tool to help her get what she wants.
I did speak with his attorney. And in this particular issue my son does want me involved. CPS was suppose to have contacted me but they have not. I am afraid they are taking her words as truth and thinking I will not be neutral. Again, they both are good parents as the children are thriving. Every family has crap to deal with and that does not make it abuse or neglect. I just don’t like the game being played at the expense of my grandchildren and son.
Hello, I am sorry this is happening to your son and your family.
Here is what I would do: help my adult child in any way I could and never, ever give up. If he does lose custody, it is important to keep asking for visits and be consistent in requests and scrupulous about keeping the meetings. It might take some time, but even if he loses, he can get custody back. CPS might come up with a bunch of conditions and he can meet them. It’s worth all the effort to get the kids back and he CAN do it, no matter what.
Fighting and feeling desperate are normal in these situations. ASK CPS calmly, what do I need to do to get shared custody? I know someone who lost custody for a few years due to MI and was able to get it back.
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Yes, you are so right, every family has to deal with the bad and the good. I hope this situation gets sorted out and I am glad your son wants you involved.
I wish you the best.
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I am meeting with CPS this afternoon. Lets hope we have a worker who is not biased
…so many are.
I am proud of my son as difficult as his life is right now he is working on a plan. I hope the worker hears how important his children are to him and the loss of them will destroy him.
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