@AlpD Im so sorry that you’re dealing with this. I want to let you know that you’re not alone. We have similar issues with our daughter. She became convinced during her first psychosis that my husband tried to kill her. With her second psychosis she started claiming he was a pedophile. She doesn’t claim that her did anything to her, just that he is one. It’s so very heartbreaking. They have always had a close relationship and I now worry about his mental health constantly. Not sure our family unit will ever be while again.
Thank you. It means a lot for folks to share their struggles with me. I know our family can never be the same. My husband’s passive and apathetic response to the problem has revealed so much to me. It’s made me lose respect for him. I know not to count on him now to advocate for me if/when I’m the one in need. It’s interesting to hear him repeat to others how “we” have tried this and that, when I n reality he has not done a damn thing.
I’m so sorry that you feel so alone with everything you’re dealing with, @Bucky . The exhaustion is monumental without feeling completely alone. Sending you so much love.
I’m new here. We just lost our daughter to suicide. She had schizoaffective disorder and other diagnoses. To add insult to injury, some anonymous person advised my son to get a police report from the time she was missing and found deceased because of “reports of sexual abuse.” (He did so, and there was no mention of sexual abuse.) When our daughter was delusional, she accused my husband of sexual impropriety and worse. At first, I was not sure what to believe— although I have no reason to believe he abused her, how could I know for sure? When we heard the accusation that both of us had killed a brother (by some other last name—a totally fictional person as far as we know), I realized she was just severely ill. Now, when we are grieving her loss, we have to try to deal with wondering who out there thinks this to be true. It is horrible, especially for my husband, thinking that people aren’t going to trust him. And I am seriously questioning my version of reality and my own sanity. I am seeing a therapist and will talk about this. But it helps to know that others out there have experienced the same thing.
My heart broke reading this. My child attempted when they were 13, the only reason they’re alive is because I woke up (strange spiritual things were afoot that night) and stopped their attempt before they died. Of course, gave me horrible PTSD. And I’ve spent every day since worrying that they will eventually be successful and since they now believe I did this terrible thing to them, I really have no way to help them. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing else worse a parent can go through. I hope you have a source of support. You certainly don’t need the added worry and stress on top of everything else. After my child made their initial accusation I came very close to leaving this world - who would believe me? But then I came to realize that the truth was my ally, and that has been what I return to again and again. When you don’t have to worry about having a story to remember and keep straight, it allows you a certain freedom. I wish you the best, please try and get some form of emotional support, through therapy or counseling or a close friend. We’re with You.
We had a decent relationship with my daughter before she died. She had come to realize that she’d experienced delusions. She allowed the whole family back into her life, and we spent a fair amount of time together. We just weren’t able to take her pain away. Today we’re just slogging through the sickening feeling of having fingers pointed at us.
I am so sorry you have lost your daughter. I know you are grateful that your relationship had become decent and that she had allowed the whole family back into her life. I hope it gives you some solace that eventually the word will get around that your daughter struggled with mental illness. Sadly, scandal type news gets around faster than the truth. Will you or did you mention her struggle with mental illness in her obituary?
We did not mention her illness in her obituary. Most of our acquaintances know. Abuse allegations go out like dandelion seeds, never to be retrieved, and there will always be those who wonder if it’s true. I am trying to use CBT techniques when I feel overwhelmed and questioning my own sanity—asking myself what I know to be true.
Our family members believe their delusions so strongly, of course it makes us ask ourselves questions. My son by life still gets caught up in his wife’s delusions -even after her diagnosis. She is so earnest, so distraught, he gets caught up and forgets.
If anyone should address you with accusations, maybe using the old “I won’t believe what she said about you, if you don’t believe what she said about us”
@mommyloon I am so sorry for your loss. I think this is probably all of our biggest fears. There is nothing we can say to make it better, but please know you have a community of complete strangers that believe in you. Hopefully once the shock wears off other people will too. Be good to yourself.
Thank you, everyone, for your caring and support. I visited my therapist today and she reminded me of two important things to remember:
I only need to concentrate on that which I can control.
I can’t control what other people think of me, and I don’t need to worry about what other people think of me.
I have written these down and may need to read and repeat them every morning for awhile.
Take good care of yourselves! We are all doing the best we can with what we have and know.
I agree, the ONLY way the psychosis ended for my daughter was a 2nd arrest that led to a court hearing which led to a psychiatric evaluation in jail that led to her 5th forced hospitalization and for the first time a forced long acting shot monthly. Eventually she came to see her illness and accept getting her shot monthly but it took years. In the beginning, I was certain that calling the police on her was wrong, but I came to wish I’d done it sooner in the years long battle to help her regain her sanity.
OMG. Cannot believe that we are not the only ones dealing with this nightmare. Our smart, funny, creative, beautiful 18 yr old daughter has falsely accused my husband of “molesting me my whole life” and then added that I was aware and let it happen to her. 48 hours in the ER trying to get a psych eval was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life as, despite my tears and begging and pleading and recounting of her psychiatric issues and suicidal threats, basically said “we believe you, here are some pamphlets for abuse victims”. Police came and said they had no basis for investigating unless she wanted to press charges which she declined. Luckily for us, she had made previous accusations against her best friend of putting demons on her, and we are part of a very close knit community so no one even questioned that her accusations were valid. I will not go into the last 8 months where she has essentially chosen homelessness, staying with random people she meets online and at the skate park. We also know that she was using synthetic THC, very potent marijuana and mushrooms to “self-medicate”. (I am furious at the casual way that marijuana is treated these days, as I have since found out that THC induced psychosis is practically an epidemic. ) We managed, while she was still a minor and these symptoms first started, to get her in front of 2 psychiatrists who warned if she did not stop using and start an antipsychotic to calm her brain, “she will live a very difficult life”. SHe refused that advice and refused to take her medications. At this point, she has completely disowned any friends, family members who don’t endorse her beliefs or if they express any concern or even offer help that is appropriate to her claimed abuse. Essentially, avoiding anything that could potentially expose the truth and take this story away from her. There are no words adequate to describe the pain and grief that never gets resolved, is re-triggered by any news or update of her latest actions, getting some positive news and feeling hopeful only to have it dashed to pieces again and again. It’s only been 8 months and it feels like 10 years. I am so sorry for all the parents have endured, We’ve found alanon to be somewhat helpful and have a therapist who has been invaluable as well. I wish all of you some peace and hope for possible recovery.
I am sure my wife is making false allegations about me since she fled our home. Nobody will tell me what they are, but people either seem terrified of me or disgusted with me. I honestly have no idea what she could be saying about me, but in the past I have heard her saying her dad was trying to rape her when there was zero chance that was happening as he was fast asleep downstairs after working a night shift. I have been quite careful to generally only let my wife initiate sex, and I have never made any sexual demands to try and minimize the chance of any “misunderstandings”. I know she told someone I was manipulative and controlling, but when pressed on that she said “when I have doubts about something in our marriage, we discuss it and I feel better”, which seems like the ideal to me, but what do I know?
Really in the last few weeks it has become so clear to me that carers need protections from the accusations of their loved ones. That doesn’t mean they never tell the truth, but you can not apply the same standards for sufferers of schizophrenia group illnesses as you do for the general population. My wife’s hospital where she is an outpatient are just so hostile to me now. For months she will be all over the place at home, depressed, melancholy, full of angst, telling me how miserable she is, cycling the blame around on everything and anything, including me. Then into the doctor’s appointment she goes: “How is everything?” and she says “Everything is fine” with a big smile on her face. And I am sat there, the dissenting voice saying “Erm, actually we had a rough couple of months, and she ended up leaving her job because she was screaming that one of her colleagues was a **** at 2am in the morning.” My wife will look at me like I am telling tales at school, the doctor will look at me like I am making it up, and my wife will assert that it is all ok. The last time she let me go with her to the appointment, they asked me to leave the room so they could assess her for a mood disorder. They called me back in and said there was no mood disorder. She is diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia with a mood disorder on top. Somebody be taking my word for the things that are happening, but for some reason they trust my wife, who has no insight to that part of her illness, and we become the emotional punchbags again. I honestly think they believe I report things to try and control her. The hospital seems to think she is well. To be fair there are a stack of notes from the US that we never brought her that might have made things better, but she had swiftly vacated a home and never had the chance to take them.
Welcome @christine858 I am so sorry, those of us who are parents have all been in your shoes. People have no idea how difficult our lives can be when we are dealing with such serious issues. One day we are living in one place, the next day we find ourselves in a whole new world. I remember feeling as though I was Alice and had fallen through a rabbit’s hole. When my NAMI Family to Family instructor said “welcome to the club you didn’t want to join” I told her I had been a member for a while, I just hadn’t known it.
I’m so sorry. This sounds so much like my eldest, I have no idea where they are now but they seem to be doing the same thing as far as finding different people to stay with, and I imagine they also cut off anyone who doesn’t wholeheartedly agree with them. Whenever I’ve heard they are getting support from someone new, I think “oh man, you have no idea what you’re in for…” knowing that it’s almost guaranteed they will make accusations against them next. This disease is awful, it’s like death but the person is still there. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Holding space for you.
Thank you so much for reaching out. I can tell that you understand the confusion, pain and fear of the situation. It’s comforting to know we are not alone. We’d give anything just to have a clear diagnosis and hope for help. Thank you again.
Christine
I found this forum as I was searching for other parents in a similar situation. After reading, I came to some sober realizations. We devoted our lives to our family and children, and finally had reached the time when everything was going well - all of our adult children were happy and thriving. Our eldest son was a brilliant child, valedictorian of his high school, went to Stanford in the 10th grade. He earned a merit scholarship to the Univ. of Chicago and finished his education at U.C, Berkeley, with a double major in Theoretical Physics and Mathematics. He was also a songwriter and musician, and after he finished college he traveled internationally with a band he put together, producing many albums and living a wonderful life. He was “straight-edge” until he was 27 years old, never touching any drugs or alcohol. About that time he was very interested in healthy living, meditation, and enhancing mental acuity. It was for that reason that he began to experiment with psychedelics, being told that they would make him even more creative and more brilliant. When Covid hit, it shut down the music industry, and his album was not well received. He went to a producer’s home and apparently took nine hits of LSD, according to one of his friends. He went into a psychotic state and we had to rescue him and bring him home. He experienced a delusion of seeing the Lord Jesus in person. We thought that he would recover in time, but he continued vaping cannabis throughout the day and taking more psychedelics (which we didn’t know until later). He was obviously very depressed but would not admit it. Then, on Easter of 2023, he flipped - he was back to his old self, happy, loving, communicative, intelligent and charismatic. It lasted through July, and now seems like a bipolar episode. Then one day we found an ax in his bed as we were preparing for our cleaning lady. We texted him and he said he was attacked while driving for Uber. The next morning at breakfast, he came into the kitchen in a very bad state, abnormal pupils and a very altered look on his face. He accused both my husband and myself of molesting him as a child. He also accused us of molesting his sister and brother. We could not reason with him, and were afraid because he had the ax in his bed. He packed a bag and left. We have tracked him and given money to help support him without his knowledge, hoping he would come to his senses. Now, a year later, he still believes his delusion and has started repeating it to others. He has alienated friends and is now living out of his car. He blames us, saying that what we did to him has ruined his life. We tried to stage an intervention through a few of his friends but he found our that someone was talking to us, and it blew up. The only person in the family he will speak with is his sister who has a degree in psychology and is using the LEAP method to relate to him. She keeps their communications private, so I really don’t know anything more now. These delusions have made it impossible for us to help him. I realize after reading the posts in this thread that if we “poke the bear” we could end up making things much worse for ourselves. It is devastating to have my sweet, brilliant son think such vile things about us, to know that he is hurting and homeless, and there is nothing I can do but pray. There is so much pain that it is too hard for us to even talk about it to each other. I fear that he will die from fentanyl or some other drugs on the street. I also fear that he may return and try to harm us, or that he may spread these lies beyond the small circle of his friends. It truly is, as someone said, as though he had died. The sobering truth I realized is that he will probably never recover, and the last thing we would want to go through is the stress of having these accusations become public. Thank you for allowing me to share my grief.
I don’t really know what to say but to stay strong
I have a similar story with my son he is 24
I pray all day for him
And all the other that has this painful disease.