Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Struggling with false accusations from schizoaffective transgender child

Just joined this site. Father to a 20yo transgender child with schizoaffective disorder. They cut me off a year and a half ago and I’ve had no contact with them since.
Unfortunately yesterday I found out they posted a horrible post on Instagram accusing me of systemic rape throughout their childhood. They ask their followers to put me in prison and doxxed me with an old phone number and my email address and Instagram account. I thought it was interesting that they most likely have not called the police themselves.
I have never harmed P (my child) or any other child. We actually had a wonderful relationship growing up, and that’s one of the worst parts is they’re taking the BEST part of our relationship - having crazy adventures outdoors - and saying that I used those times to rape them repeatedly. It’s heartbreaking and it’s taking everything for me to not give up. I had to take a leave of absence to ensure my employers were shielded from any kind of fallout, so now I’m unemployed as well.
Unfortunately/fortunately my child has a history of doing this, accusing people close to them of sexual abuse. I wanted to believe them when they told me but after a while it a was clear this was a pattern.
I should also mention they were hospitalized a couple years ago for a psychotic break and were hallucinating so badly that they were given a massive enough dose of meds that they had a seizure. Of course, this is what P told me one of the last times we talked, so at this point I’m skeptical of them.
I guess I should also mention that they had a very serious suicide attempt in 2014 in which I woke up in time to save their life. They had another serious attempt a few years back as well.
Since yesterday I’ve been looking up how common this is online and it’s sad to realize how often this does happen. Any help or advice would be appreciated.
I did make a consultation with a lawyer for Monday. I feel like that’s the minimum step I should do.
I hate to say it but I’m definitely considering seeking out a commitment order for them but obviously that’s a final step no parent wants to take.
Please help.
Thank you.

It would be very difficult to get him committed, at least in USA. Those kind of accusations are common. I have read many in this site Treatment is of essence. I would drop social media accounts. If there is a direct threat to you can call the police or you can press charges Calling the police is always a hard choice but if they can get treatment that way, is the best . Wishing you the best

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Thank you so much. I really wish they would get the treatment they need but they want nothing to do with me so unfortunately there is little I can do.

I know. My son, sz affective bipolar is now in a court ordered mental hospital until gaining competency to stand trial. he broke into some one home, no stealing, out of paranoia. He is receiving treatment and for first time in 3 yrs I can hold a conversation with him. Take it one day at the time and recognize that you cannot solve all they problems.

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I am so sorry this has happened to you. My son has accused us (his dad and me) of sexually abusing him “through his computer”. My son did contact the police and a sexual abuse organization. The local police did call once, waking me up early one morning to discuss the situation. They were quite understanding and asked that I stop him from calling 911. I guess he had been calling them that night, that was their biggest concern. We never did hear anything else about his other reports. Except for this site, I am not on social media, if other stuff was out there, I never heard about it.

My son did call several of our relatives with his claims of sexual abuse. He had been threatening do so, we had prepared some of them for the possible calls. Even with prep, I think they were quite surprised by the intensity of his beliefs, they hadn’t had contact with him for years, much less during a psychotic episode. When my sister was expressing her distress after he called her, I thought “yeah yeah, welcome to my world”.

We had given the relatives a short course in LEAP, even so one of them couldn’t handle the pressure and let him know she didn’t believe him.

Years ago, one set of parents didn’t realize that their daughter with scz had been making false rape accusations for years. They had been in agony when she reported she had been raped during her childhood and while attending college. Post college while working successfully, she reported to her parents that she had been raped again and the police wouldn’t do anything, the parents went to the police station in full parental mode. They said one of the police officers took pity on them and showed them their daughter’s file. They didn’t even know that their daughter had been held for treatment for mental issues. That was how they found out. (Another set of parents learned when Bellevue called them - they didn’t even know their child was in New York.)

I am so sorry you took the leave of absence. As you have been learning, its just not that rare of a problem.

Maybe your attorney will have suggestions about charges you can press against your child that may help to get medication started. I have always thought that if my son began to cause trouble for someone else (other people on the forum have said their adult children would threaten people with lawsuits) his dad and I would definitely step in and try to get him declared incompetent. Your child has provided you with some proof with the claims against you, all we ever had were the phone calls to the police and our relatives, and his claims to have reported us.

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Well I’ve had to relinquish all sense of control a long time ago with them. I so badly want them to just get help though.

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Thank you and I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. I had to call a crisis counselor today and I’ve really leaned on my support group. It’s really easy to want to give up. This forum has helped tremendously already

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Some insights from someone with SZA:

When you have a difficult disease whether you accept it or not, and you see your life collapsing around you and your mental and emotional state deteriorating you search for a reason or cause or excuse for your misery. And since the symptoms can be profound, dramatic and confusing, it seems the cause must be equally so.

So your mind concocts traumas of past, present and future to explain circumstances and prop up a failing ego self. Conspiracies and prophecies and (false) repressed memories seem tailor-made for this purpose, because they can be hard to disprove, command attention and distract from other failings. Taboo, outlandish and outrageous subjects garner the most attention due to their shock value and it seems there’s a predilection for these to “feel” right to the sufferer.

Family and caregivers tend to be the “source” of such “traumas” from sheer proximity and emotional connection. In my case, I can track the progress of the depths of my psychosis and recovery, by who I “blamed” and what for and how I forgave them and myself. Ultimately, regardless of trauma—real or imagined—what’s more important is how you cope and move on, otherwise you become paralyzed by cumulative traumas with no room for a life. In my case, I did this work within therapy and did my best to discuss these thoughts and feelings with my therapist and tried hard to spare my family’s feelings as best I could.

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If this had happened to me, I think I’d feel compelled to post a response citing my child’s mental illness as the impetus for these false accusations and expressing my hurt and sorrow that they were so afflicted, lest anyone take them seriously. I think that supporting and accommodating those who are truly suffering is very important, but they should not be allowed to harm others.

Consulting with a lawyer is very wise, IMO.

I’m sorry that you are going through this. All parents have to do the best that we can, but some have more challenges than others.

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Yeah unfortunately my child has long blocked me from all of their social media accounts/phone numbers, etc. so it didn’t seem like much of a point. Plus…I can’t confirm this, but the lack of a response (except for one hostile stranger who alerted me to that post) tells me that this is likely not the first time they have accused someone of this on Instagram.
However, I will be giving their info to the lawyer who hopefully can contact them.

Thanks for writing this MB. My husband wishes he had been able to read this back when it was all so new. He took it all quite personally at the time.

I am so sorry. I hope it helps to hear that, years later, my son is now having kind thoughts about his childhood again.

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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Talking with a lawyer who understands mental illness is a very good step. Also establishing severe boundaries with your 20 year old child would also be very important. It’s heartbreaking because you are the parent but it’s important for you- you may have to break from them to save yourself. And therapy for you too. MB has brought a very insightful perspective and each person’s story is their story, but you have your story too and that’s important.

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Luckily the severe Boundaries were put in place by P a few years back. Unfortunately that also means I can’t do much to help them - not that they’d let me.