Posted on here before about this but unfortunately it I raising its ugly head again. My eldest child, a non-binary 21 year old, (diagnosed schizoaffective) began making horrific rape accusations against me about eight months ago. Did it on Instagram and I started getting threatening messages from strangers. I ended up calling the local sheriff (I didn’t know any better) and talked to a lawyer but since my kid never actually went to the police, they recommended I don’t retain them and just gave me some advice.
Seemed to go away for a while. But then I got married a couple months ago and out of the blue my kid started messaging my wife on FB the same things. Called another lawyer - also told me that since they hadn’t initiated legal proceedings against me he just thought he should give me similar advice as the last one. I called department of human services in Oregon (where my child lives) and spoke to a woman to do a welfare check and she also recommended that I speak to commitment services, so I’ve called them but they take up to three business days to respond.) My wife responded to my child and said that they needed to not contact us anymore, but now today my kid AND their friend started both messaging my wife with increasing hysteria. My wife thinks that the friend might also be my child due to the similar writing styles.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. This is so frightening and overwhelming. I’d rather they DID call the police so I could just get that out of the way, but of course, like the numerous other times they’ve accused someone of sexual abuse (I’m the fourth person I know of to receive these accusations from my child) they don’t call the police.
I just need advice. I’m in therapy for PTSD (mostly from this same child’s suicide attempt) and depression and even though I’ve come so far the last couple years, this is just breaking me down.
I’m at the point where I’m basically building a case against my own child. This is awful. I just need advice. Anybody else gone through this?
I am sorry that you and your wife are going through this.
My daughter accused my husband (her step father) of sexual abuse while she was unmedicated. I told her to call the police every time she brought it up. She finally did. They sent a detective, saw no evidence, knew she was mentally unstable and dropped the investigation.
I don’t know if that would work for you and your wife or not.
If you feel this pressure may lead you to a breakdown, please do get help for yourself.
Thank you. Under the advice of a woman working for DHS (and concurred by my therapist, my friend who’s also a therapist and a few other trusted souls) I think we’ll be calling the local PD to talk to them about this. We’ve put together a timeline, saved all the screeenshots of their messages and social media posts and we’re slowly building a case against them (I really struggle to deal with that reality). Hopefully I’ll be speaking with the civil commitment team in the next day or two as well. I hate this. We had a wonderful relationship. It’s like they died.
My brother has schizophrenia moderate learning disability autism and challenging behaviour.
He goes around saying dad force him to drink coke force him to eat food.
The he started saying I force him to have cigarette, force him to stop smoking. I force him to eat food and I force him to visit.
I heard him say staff force him to smoke.
He is in the care system long story I had him for a visit two staff members with him. They bought coke put in the fridge. He mumbled under his breath staff force him to drink coke.
It’s pretty obvious if anyone involved in his care he says thing not true due to his schizophrenia.
I had care providers bully me over things my brother says. He said staff member mossy went to hit him.
He says staff member used to go in his room at night hit him around the head.
I have a report states he lies. But they use what my brother says against me. They staff have no understanding of mental illness.
They are using this as though it is true.
My mum had bi polar and my older brother has schizoaffective disorder. So I’m well used to them saying things that are not true.
It is only when other people get involved and believe what the say that it causes massive problems.
It’s well known how their illness distorts how they perceive reality. Nobody explains this no medical professionals. I just learned by experience growing up with mentally ill family members.
The worst part is my older brother goes around telling anyone who knows me things that are not true.
So they get involve when they shouldn’t.
I found this site and it’s helpful to read other people experiences also get to learn things didn’t know as well.
For me personally it’s never nice they they say things that not true. I can expect that.
But when other people get involved it causes a massive nightmare.
It’s already extremely stressful and difficult dealing with the illness.
I’m in the UK you don’t get no help and when my older brother doesn’t take his medication consistently
Becomes very unwell. I tried to get him help but they
Have this attitude he not ill enough.
He became homeless few times. As won’t clean.
Nobody helps when he is psychotic suicidal.
Just get told he is fine.
Yes, @AlpD , I understand you totally. It IS like a living death. The person with schizophrenia that we used to know just isn’t there anymore. And the worst thing is that when the loved one is acting normal at various times to other people like police or relatives or friends, the others don’t see the illness at all and blame you for bad caregiving/parenting too! Schizophrenia usually is worse as time goes on, because things usually decline badly. At least for my daughter it did. Until/if a treatment is found that works, whether it is medication or counseling or just life changes for them. It sounds like you have put together a good plan with the advice you have. Following the plan may bring you some peace. I hated myself for involving police and courts and involuntary hospital holds, but in the end, we won my daughter back from the pits of massive delusion and hallucination. I hope your plans work well. Don’t give up hope.
@ChelleUk thank you for sharing your story too. What a struggle you have in the UK, at least in the US, for me, there seemed to be more help from the medical staff and police. And to have a mom and and a brother struggling with mental illness, wow, you are one tough person! Yes, the untrue delusions cause trouble for sure. At one of my NAMI classes the instructor taught us how to keep a notebook with dates/times/descriptions of bad events with our daughter. This notebook came in handy with police investigations, court, and hospital staff. I could show them records of times the police were involved over the years. It helped me personally just to look back through it, I still have the notebook, so I could give myself some hugs for my bravery when needed. Perhaps keeping a notebook like that would help you.
Thanks for replying. Tip of note book very handy. Never thought of that. Unfortunately I had no contact last few years with my older brother with sza he just gets to hostile towards me.
He rang out of blue Xmas day snarling down the phone at me.
It’s heartbreaking when it’s your child. It’s such a horrible illness. One can only hope they improve and have some stability with their illness.
I found this site very helpful the tips are great.
Glad you are finding some good tips on this forum.
The notebook I wouldn’t have thought of by myself either, I was glad to get it. I actually keep a few different notebooks now too. One on work “incidents” and one on bills I’ve paid (since I forget sometimes what is paid and what is not). I didn’t used to keep ANY sort of notebooks until that class at NAMI when I started one for my daughter’s illness.
I’m in your shoes. 22 year old daughter via THC drug induced psychosis March 2021, falsely accused me of molestation. To compound things when her psychotic break happened, she moved in with my 29 year old son and new wife who were all pot using buddies. We learned our daughter-in-law struggles from PTSD and drove our daughter 150 miles to speak with county detective. I was called in to speak with detective. At end of interview, I showed detective evidence of daughters behavior (ie fleeing, lost driver license, 3 hospitalizations in one month, receipt of THC vape pen/wax). The county dropped it but that meant nothing to my daughter. I’ve learned first hand that the delusion is a strongly held belief. I’ve read and learned all I can about LEAP but daughter has avoided me for a year so I have no opportunity to talk to her. She won’t even open up with my wife and now is shutting us both out of her life. Following that 1st horrific month, she did get on Olazapine and it stopped the fleeing and delusions but not the paranoia of me. She quit taking meds 6 months ago. Thankfully there has not been a 2nd psychotic break so we’re hopeful if she stays off THC/hallucinogens she will progress towards a normal life. If another psychotic break happens, it will suggest strongly to us that she has some form of mental illness. It is so very scary and saddening! She was 2 months from graduating college and evidently fearful of looking for a career in the real world. She had a 3.5 gpa when she started binging on highly concentrated THC products (vape pen 70-80+%) which resulted in psychosis where she couldn’t even speak a full sentence. Until I was faced with that false accusation, I had no idea of how emotionally upsetting a firmly held “lie” can be and disrupt every aspect of our family. My wife and I go to Al-Anon but we’ve not pursued NAMI or counseling. We’re stuck in our depression and know we need to find outside help. HIPAA really sucks when you have an adult daughter who won’t sign a release so you can talk to Doctor! The pot I smoked in the 80’s (10-15% THC) is no comparison to the distilled THC vape pens/waxes. Anyone who thinks the THC products on the market are “not that bad”, are horribly wrong!
I also have a child who is non-binary with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder who says they think I did something to them. It is killing me; I was on suicide watch after I found out. The few people that have been told this by them, so far, not only deny it but trust me with their childrens lives. What they’ve accused me of is the exact opposite of who I am. I literally fight the horrible people that do those things in my job.
I don’t know what to do. Also, they haven’t told me and don’t know I know yet, but they recently told me they want space from me and that I caused all their mental health issues. My other, older children tell me I’m the greatest parent in the world. That’s probably the only thing holding me together right now.
What were you advised to do legally? I can’t eat and I can’t sleep.
Like you, I have support of others (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and most importantly my wife) which helped me get through the anger and obsession that what I’m accused of “is NOT truth”. I’ve learned that a delusion is a firmly held belief by my daughter and I’m accepting this as a symptom of a disease…something I didn’t cause nor can I cure. We love her so much and her being estranged from my wife and I has been the most painful experience of our life. Dr. Amador’s youtube videos on LEAP helped me too. You are not alone and we will get through this. Thankfully my daughter is not in psychosis now and I pray she doesn’t have a 2nd event.
I never pondered the destructive power of a false accusation until it happened to me. They have a life of their own. Initially, I felt “What? Are you serious?” Then you get a few strange questions from family as they search for truth and I felt betrayed. Then when the family sorts out the story and recognize it for the delusion it is, the betrayal and angry feelings dissipate and you feel hope. I also received relief when I showed the detective evidence of THC vape pen/wax receipts and speeding ticket from a fleeing event etc. However, at the very same time I’m feeling relief from the truth exposed, my daughter is still fully immersed in the delusional lie and our relationship is badly fractured by her fears. That is a very sad moment for a parent as the reality of returning to a loving relationship may take months, years or ??. Grieving for the death of that past relationship is so hard!
Luckily for us, by the time my son starting making accusations of sexual abuse, we were well aware of his diagnosis. He told us that he had reported us to RAINN and local law enforcement.
I didn’t realize how fortunate we were until another family came to our support group. They had not realized their adult daughter had scz. After attending college, their daughter had made sexual accusations against her brothers. The daughter had not lived at home since leaving to attend college. Their family had been torn apart by the accusations as the brothers refused to attend any family gatherings that included their sister. The parents finally learned the truth when they- once again- came to their daughter’s aid. The daughter told them the police wouldn’t even take her statement about a recent rape. The dad went down to the police station where a kind officer showed him all of the claims his daughter had made to their station. The office told him straight out that his daughter was not well.
For my son, the delusions about his dad have become hard wired. We keep them apart as seeing his dad does trigger his psychosis. Or at least it did the last time he saw his dad.
It is so difficult for my husband.
My husband has also been accused of molestation by our daughter (19) who is in her second drug induced psychosis (weed and mushrooms). It’s tearing him apart, it’s tearing both of us apart. She’s insisting on a lie detector test but we’re worried she won’t believe the result that he is innocent and will look for other ways to punish him. It feels like we’re losing our daughter and we’re devastated and can’t do a thing about it. He wants to do the test to show he’s doing everything possible. This is all so awful.
I am so so sorry. These accusations are a terrible thing and as you are experiencing, its worse than being accused, it’s the horrible realization that your daughter believes it to be true.
If your husband does take a lie detector test, there is a good chance that her psychosis will tell her that somehow the test was rigged or false in some way. In my experience, it has been impossible to be rational with irrational thoughts.
Psychosis can be so cruel. My son still won’t have anything to do with his father.
I am so sorry you’ve been dealing with this and to everyone on this thread. The things we’ve been through are heart wrenching.
When I was about 11 my mom accused my dad of molesting me. It was so scary. When I told her this was not true she would get angry and sometimes violent, like slap me, punch me or pull my hair and not let go. It hurt. One time I jumped out of the car at a stoplight in traffic because she was attacking me.
My parents had joint custody and my mom kidnapped me at one point instead of taking me back to my dad. My step-mom didn’t know what to believe. Her dad had been abusive and she was scared it might be true. What also makes me sad is that my dad stopped giving me big hugs like he did before that. We had always been so close and loving.
She also accused me of crazy things like stealing her boyfriends and worse as I was growing up (like she said I was having sex with people I didn’t even know). I had never even held a boy’s hand. It was all massively destabilizing (like so much about her illness) to me.
Being a parent of someone with a similar illness would be a nightmare because there is realistically only so much the law allows you to do and yet you want so badly to keep your child safe and well.
I eventually went to court to become my mom’s legal guardian so that I could at least tell doctors to follow her directives that she made when she was more stable. She told the investigator that I wasn’t her real daughter and that I was out to get her. The investigator asked me if I was adopted. Even in the throes of her insanity my mom could convince people that she was cogent. Becoming her legal guardian only helped so much.
She almost died of collapsed lungs from being homeless with pneumonia in the winter at age 41 and was on life support for 3 /12 months. She somehow survived to the age of 61.
I adored her. She was a cellist and so enjoyed music. She loved to read; she was a speed reader, so I couldn’t ever buy her enough books (when she was well enough to read them). She always won games of Scrabble. She knew a lot of cool words. My grandma would insist that they couldn’t be real words. But they were according to Webster’s. I was scared of her much of the time because of her illness. I will love and mourn her always.
Thank you so much. It’s interesting timing as just yesterday I posted something on Facebook about this very thing. I probably bawl every couple weeks or so, and yesterday it happened again. I miss them so much. We were so close when they were young, and we had so many amazing outdoor adventures together. More than anything I just miss them. 
Thank you so much. It’s awful
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard, so awful. I hope you can get the support you need. 
I’m so sorry I didn’t respond to this until now. The only legal advice I’ve gotten is to record their phone calls if they do call again. And DHS in the town they live in told me not to hesitate to have them arrested if it ever comes to that, not as punishment but as a way for them to start getting help, which will happen if it comes to that. I truly hope you have support and help for you. Like you, I got deeply suicidal after it first came out, believing that no one would see that I’m innocent. The truth is our ally, and that’s what keeps me afloat, I would have no problem take a lie detector test if it comes to that. I remind myself that the truth will out. I hope you are safe and able to get whatever help you need.
It is like losing them before they are gone. We mourn them over and over. I am so sorry AlpD. It sounds like you were and are a wonderful dad. I am always here if you ever feel like talking. Sending big hugs to you.