But I know it’s not as bad as it is for my son.
He’s 16, has autism, learning difficulties and sz. We are three weeks into getting an emergency admission, he’s still at home and getting worse every day.
I went to a meeting with his psychiatrist, social worker and the commissioner for mental health in our area 2 weeks ago. They agreed that he can’t be maintained in the community and admission to a LD unit is the only way forward, as an emergency case. I was told to pack a case and expect a call within 48 hours.
We had an assessment at the hospital today, it seemed more like an interview for a job. They said they will discuss whether the ward would suit him and get back to me… next week.
He is aggressive towards his younger brothers, towards me, he thinks we are all planning against him. He says his little brother is going to beat him up, that I am on their side and I wouldn’t care if he died.
He sees bombs implanted in his arms by robots, he’s tried cutting them out, but I lock all the knives away so he tries to bite them out.
I can’t leave the house without taking him, but he sees sinkholes opening up in the road and panics about me driving.
He goes 5/6 days without sleep, then collapses with exhaustion sobbing that he doesn’t want the robots to take me, begging “please just leave my mummy here, don’t take my mummy”.
I asked today what will happen if they decide they won’t take him. They all looked at each other, then shrugged their shoulders and said “we don’t know”. Neither do I. I have 2 younger children in the house and he’s getting more and more aggressive toward them, none of us feel safe.
I honestly don’t know how much more of this we can take before he seriously hurts one of us, I can’t leave the room for a second because he gets paranoid about his little brothers. He punched his 10 year old brother yesterday for touching his own ear, he said he was signalling someone!
He’s sleeping at last, on 7.5mg zopiclone at night, but the waking hours are a living nightmare. He’s on 6mg risperidone, 30mg citalopram, lorazepam prn. Nothing is working anymore, it’s worse than it was before meds.
@Letyian I am not a medical professional but my son tried many drugs and combinations of drugs before finally getting on clozapine, the doctor called it the ‘last resort medication’ and it is kind of old school and requires monthly blood draws, but the improvements it afforded my son mentally were so well worth the hassle of it…his voices and visions stopped completely within 6 months and he is most of the time pretty mellow and calm and sleeps well…I realize what works for my son may not work for yours and I am not sure if it is for 16 year olds my son was 24 when he got on it but my son is also on the autism spectrum as well-he is 32 now and still doing well…I think it is worth asking his doctor about the possibility of trying it…they do usually want to do it as an in-patient and titrate them up on it slowly over maybe a 2 week period so they can observe his reactions… and it’s safer that way. Just a thought. My heart goes out to you and your family. 
@Catherine thanks for replying.
I think the plan when he gets into hospital is to wean him off the meds and start again. His pdoc wants clarification of his diagnosis and admission to do this safely.
The wait is the hardest. Factor in autism to the situation and you have a child in near constant meltdown because the future is so unsure.
We are all so tired, I’ve got nothing left to give. I know it’s the least of my worries, but the house looks like a tip, the garden is a jungle, I can’t walk out of the room for a second without him starting at his brother. I’ve been ironing this morning in the dining room doorway and he started again on his little bro about moving his foot in a way that upset him. Now he’s screaming and clapping in his face, he says it’s because he’s happy. He thinks the only way he can be happy is by taking his brothers happiness, he doesn’t think both can be happy at the same time.
We have never felt mental and physical exhaustion like this before. The lads are having a rubbish summer holiday, it’s all about tiptoeing around their brother. My middle lad is autistic too, he is shutting down, only comes downstairs when his bro is asleep. The youngest is constantly frightened of his brother and I am constantly on edge, watching to see if he’s going to hurt someone or himself.