Feeling so alone


#1

Although my son was diagnosed about 10 years ago I still feel so lonely, guilty, and so sad for him. Before he went on medication he was in a living hell that I, to my shame, was in complete denial about but he held down a job and had contact with his daughter. Since taking Abilify + anti depressants he is like a hollowed out shell. All he wants to do is sleep. He doesn’t see his daughter at all. She is 14 and stopped contact, encouraged to walk away by her mother. I have asked his Drs for CBT but all they say is We will up his Anti depressants to lift his mood first. There is no one I can talk to. His brother is very supportive but gets very frustrated with him. Sorry to witter on but it is just nice to think that some one out there, another mother may understand all the sadness and guilt ( It must be my fault somehow) I feel.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.


#2

About the med’s - different medications affect people differently. When I was on Abilify I was amp’ed up, not lethargic. Maybe you can work with the doctors to find med’s that work better for your son.
You did everything possible to help your son. Sometimes things like this happen and it is no one’s fault.


#3

I’m a 53 year old male. I was diagnosed in 1980 when I was 19 with paranoid schizophrenia. I blamed my parents at first, I treated them like enemies for a short while. I soon realized that it was not their fault and that all they were trying to do was help me. And they did a good job. I would never blame them for me being schizophrenic. It was just the luck of the draw and I got some bad cards. In my first year with this disease I too was in a living hell. But now I’m not doing too bad. I went over my sisters house last night for dinner and had a good time.Tomorrow I go to my job in my car and then come home to my nice studio apartment. But I suffered for quite awhile in the beginning, my case of schizophrenia was severe. When I was suffering that first year I didn’t see a future. I spent 8 months locked up in a psychiatric hospital with a hundred other mentally ill people. Some of them were quite scary. But I got out and 9 months later I got a job. I have worked pretty steadily since then albeit mostly part time. I’m just finishing up my degree online, I need 5 more classes. I spent the eighties and the early part of the nineties in hospitals and group homes. But I moved out of my last one in 1995 and I have been living on my own ever since.With help. My point is that things change. I’m sorry you and your son is going through such a rough time but I’m living proof that miracles happen if you get on the right medication and have plenty of support.Your son may make a turnaround, who knows? I’ve seen it before. You are probably doing the best you can in the face of such a cruel disease. I’m a recovering crack addict with 24 years clean. In AA they told me, " Don’t quit ten minutes before the miracle happens". Good luck and take good care of yourself so you can be there for your son.


#4

Hi @Janie

Early on when researching schizophrenia and coming across this forum I found reference to the 3 C’s. I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it and I can’t cure it. I 100% believe this. None of this is your fault. Sometimes things just are what they are.

There are lots of different medications. Do you mind if I ask what his symptoms are like? Does the Abilify help with them? Perhaps a lower or higher dose of Abilify could be looked at instead of upping his antidepressants.


#5

You are elder than what I thought. No wonder you showed enough of maturity.
Get old great!


#6

We have no control over our adult children. More so when they have mental illness. If it was any other illness they would have taken their medication willingly. We can do our very best to love them and support them. I left my job to take care of my son who was living 2 hours away from me. It has been 29 months now that he has been living with us. He is not taking medication currently and there is nothing I can do but worry. Good luck to you and to your son. Take one day at a time and hope things will get better.


#7

Dear Janie~
How well I know those feelings!
What Barbie says about the 3 cs is right.. I wouldnt be too hard on his daughter. She is only 14, and would probably have a hard time with this. Look how hard it is for us!
She will come around on her own. Im glad his brother is there for him. I get very frustrated with my son-more times than I like. As long as he is still there-its ok .
This site has saved me from complete melt-down several times. You are not alone in this. Come here often. I love everyone here.
Peace to you


#8

please don’t feel guilty, it’s hard to keep up with this illness.

There have been times I’ve missed some of my brother’s red flags, and there have been some times where I’ve just tried to talk myself in to believing that what I was seeing wasn’t as bad as it was. I didn’t want to admit to myself that my brother was suffering as much as he was.

Even when my brother was at his worst, he was still trying to get up and fight this, until he ended up in such an empty and flattened state, he could barely move.

CBT really did help my brother and there are a lot of books that can give you some ideas on how to start… looking for therapist who are covered by insurance.

I understand upping the meds. For my brother, he needed his meds stabilized before he was awake enough or had come back enough that CBT would be effective.

It is sad and heart breaking, but it might be a small blessing in disguise that his daughter isn’t around to see her father this low. When he comes around and finds his way back, he can reach out and resume contact.

I hope things start looking up for you very soon.


#9

Thank you for all your kind replies. I was feeling so low. Sometimes you just need to know someone out there understands and sometimes those closest to you cannot be the ones to help as they are too close. I think you will know what I mean. I think most parents feel they are the ones that should be able to make every thing all right for their children and it is the frustration of not being able to do so that is so hard. I feel very let down by the medical profession. Here in England mental health is very poorly served I think. It seems to me that it is a case of :" Oh give him some meds, zombify him and he will the sit quietly and cause us no trouble as we have too many to worry about as it is."

It is such a relief to let that all out. Thank you for the 3 C’s.

Again thank you all XXX