My son said to me today ,’’ Mum , i have lost out on the best years of my life , i was so broken up about that as it’s so true but then he said ‘’ i will never be able to have kids after what the doctor did to me " . I said , ‘‘no doctor said you can not have kids’’ , he got angry and said that what ever they injected him with made his body and sperm bad and that if he had kids they would be deformed .I was shocked and distraught that he felt that way . I just listened , i knew there was no point aggravating him by telling him he’s wrong so i continued to listen and then he said , ‘’ i will adopt 3 girls and maybe 1 boy , will you be ok with that mum ? ‘’ Sure , what ever makes you happy son i love you so much ‘’ and he seemed content with that . The last 2 weeks , i have had bad anxiety as he has been more isolated than usual and i just dont know how to help him . His day has turned to night and night to day , he barely answers my calls or txts . I feel that i am grieving , the pain inside me is unbearable watching my only son suffer like this . No one and i mean no one who doesnt have a loved one suffering really understands what we go through . I am in tears and having a bad day
I feel your pain. Listen, it is not easy. We mothers with squizo children are in a constant mourning for the child that could have been and is not. Remind yourself that you are already doing a lot by supporting him, loving him and being there. Find strength in shared experiences and try to attend a NAMI support group.
Thank you Hope , i just had a hard and anxious week . I saw him today and i got some relief to see he was ok , one day at a time i know but so hard at times . Hope all well with you
I’m just feeling the same for my brother… but tell your son that my uncle has schizophrenia just before he got married and now he has 3 kids my uncle takes Risperdal and Zyprexa and still taking both meds. my brother takes Clozapine, so I don’t have any idea about the effect on fertility
I certainly appreciate the sad side of this and the grief we have is real and warranted, but I also see the positive (at least in theory) that your son would like to have a family some day. I take that to mean that he welcomes the idea of meaningful relationships. He obviously trusts and appreciates you!
When it seems our loved ones are isolating, we can fall back on the things that might help. Are you able to visit your son? At a non stressful time for him, might you have a conversation to let him know it is important to you to stay in touch, but you’d like to know what he prefers. Is a phone call or text better? How often? Would he be willing to plan a regular time to talk (just because it makes you happy when you talk)? Another thought…Is he still taking medication? As you make observations about what appears to be greater isolation, is this something you would share with his doctor?
My son is often not very responsive to texts, or at least not as quickly as I would like. But sometimes I think that he is comfortable in his own way with that balance and occupies his time in other ways that are OK with him at least for the time being. He also once told me that he’d like to have a family someday. And another time he told me about two friends who he thinks so much of that he’d “like them to be groomsmen at his wedding someday.” Honestly, thinking about marriage for him is a scary thought, but if that can happen, I can hope for the best and for his happiness in it!
Hi Hope ,
yes i do have very short visits with my son and usually once a week he comes to visit me for just under an hour . I do not have too much conversation with him as he is clearly having racing thoughts . Our phone calls are very short too and i barely get a response on a txt . He is taking medication as i face time him every night and watch him take them but he has no insight what’s so ever ( anasognosia ). My hands are tied from both sides , my son completely refuses to try other meds and his new psychiatrist whom my son met over a phone call today (due to covid ) is being very strict with hippa rules . I wanted to start the conversation and explain what’s really happening with my son and he refused saying he needed to talk with my son first even though my son signed all release papers . Basically my son told him that he’s feeing fine and needs to go off meds . He heard my sons jumbled conversation and told my son that he can not stop or lower his meds right now and sent a prescription to his pharmacy then he asked to speak with me in which my sons paranoia kicked in and didn’t want me to leave the room and speak with him alone . I will need to email him now and explain how my son is really doing . I can not see any changes happening unless my son decides either to change meds or try and lead a semi productive life and stop focusing in suing his first psychiatrist . It a tough road . The most hard part for me is knowing he does nothing most days and is so tired for the meds and his illness . I have another worry reading the side affects of his Abilify . The side affects say schizophrenic like symptoms , delusions , hallucinations , stiff muscles and more . How do i know if his symptoms are coming from his meds or does he really have schizoaffective disorder ?. I just don’t know whom to trust anymore .
Your son seems very sweet and also seems you two have a wonderful relationship . i too have a good relationship with my son .
Im happy your uncle has kids ,
my sons mania will rage out if i mention schizophrenia , he has no insight .
I feel your pain and I am sure we all do!! So true that others do not understand. Very difficult. Hang in there and I am constantly reminding myself. “Just Breath” it is a crazy crazy world we live in and not very much fun. Heartbreaking to see our loved ones so debilitated and feel so helpless. I always tell my sons therapist that I feel like I am watching him drown with my hands tied behind my back.
My son has gone off his meds bc he’s convinced he has dyskenisia and aka thisia is and that he is going to sue his medical team. I am not convinced. I just know he’s lost 50 lbs and is manic and in pain. Trying to get him on disability but he’s so young I’m sad
Im so sorry Sandy ,what does his doctor say about him stopping the meds ? my son is in the middle of a court case trying to sue his first psychiatrist , it is draining for him and for myself . I pray and hope things get better for you both as this is more than a tough disease .
@Linda wouldn’t a judge throw out the court case against the doctor?
The judge firstly dismissed the case as my son didn’t make much sense on the document he handed in but now he has given him another chance to rewrite his complaint .
I feel for the judge here. If he dismissed his case outright it might feel like a total dismissal of his self-worth or that he was unfairly treated. By going this way, he’s giving some incentive and opportunity to present his case more rationally. I think society in general can both expect more, yet be more tolerant and patient toward the SMI by giving them chances such as these. In a perverse way I see this as a possible teachable or therapeutic moment.